Any past or present jealous guys?


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butterflywhisperer is offline butterflywhisperer Post #21  August 17,2009, 10:21pm
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At first it was cute that he was jealous but it got old really quickly. He became like psycho-jealous-paranoid-monster. He was attending school in another state and I took a three hour flight to see him and because I am friendly by nature I started talking to my seatmate. We were having a nice conversation throughout the flight and kept talking as we went to the baggage pick-up area when I saw my boyfriend and waved the other guy good bye and as soon as we got into his car he pounced "did you get his phone number?" I was confused... who was he talking about? I was genuinely puzzled. I am like "who?" and he said "the guy you were talking to when I saw you" and the grilling went on like this until we got to his place. He just got more psycho until I dumped him.

After that, one of the first initial screening questions is about jealousy. I ask straight out "Are you the jealous type?" I am friendly to just about everybody so if the guy has jealousy issues, we wouldn't be a good fit. I have never cheated on a guy and like moon said, if I was interested in somebody else, I wouldn't be with him in the first place. It is really that simple.

The nut job comes across as a really nice, mellow easy-going guy until you get to know him better and then Whammo! From what I've last heard, he's practicing medicine in El Paso. If his patients only knew the paranoid-jealous nutjob underneath the white coat. Still gives me chills everytime I think about him and very there are several states separating us.
 
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Hellyeah12 is offline Hellyeah12 Post #22  August 18,2009, 2:03am
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On Febuary 7 2009 at the between friends valentines day dance I didn't have the guts to go up to Daniel Rosengarten and tell him the truth but then Michelle Connick started giving me all of theese pointers and that kind of thing and so after she talked to me she told me to go up to Daniel Rosengarten and tell him the truth and so I did and about a week later Daniel Rosengarten started calling me while he was trying to ask me to go out with him and so the phone calls from him were like about five or ten minutes and so I finally had to answer one of thoose calls and so when I answered the call I just said to him can I call you back because I was in the middle of supper at that point and I hate it when people call me in the middle of supper.and so after that I was just so confussed by everything that was happening and so sometime in april I finally got things straightened out inbetween the two of us but the hard part of that was not talking to him and his brother for about six months but Josh and I didn't listen and I say that because one of the only things that we could do was email each other and talk to each other while both of us were at Camp Boniventure and now both Josh and I have just made things way worse all thanks to my friend Mark who asked me for Lisa Rosengarten's phone numbers but when I gave Mark her phone numbers I didn't know that it could hurt the relationship that me and Danny have right now and my friendship with both of boys(Josh and Danny RFosengarten) and now I'm never going to make that mistque again because if I do then my parent's won't even let me see them ever again. What should I do about this situation? Both Josh and Daniel Rosengarten are jewish I know that I love Danny Rosengarten but the main problem is that my mind isn't in the same place that my heart is right now?
 
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Raw_Truth is online now Raw_Truth Post #23  August 18,2009, 9:43am
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sthngrlc wrote :
I want thoughts on this issue, especially guys who may have a tendency to be jealous. I started to date a guy (semi-long distance) and within a month he told me that before he could be serious with me, he would need me to not hangout with guys. He told me I could choose to, but if so he couldn't be in a serious dating/relationship with me. I agreed, thinking he was worth it. After 6 months and he acting odd and talking about breaking up, I finally went out with 2 girlfriends to a small party. I lied to him knowing he would get very mad and probably break up with me for that alone. I wanted him to breakup with me for a concrete reason and not because I hungout with people. I guess my question is why do guys act like this? I know lying is wrong, but come on are all guys like this? And yes, he broke up because I ended up confessing after I lied to him for a night.
Sorry, no, if this all there is, he's not jealous, he's smart and otherwise prudent in his relationships. It's a naivete issue (on your part) and a trust issue (other guys). By framing it as a jealousy issue you're setting yourself up for relationship headaches for years to come.

He knows that the guys you're hanging with are to varying degrees vying to be with you; whether it's the guys who full well know they could never close the deal and simply hangout in the delusion they can, to guys who will use you to get to your friends, to guys who are waiting for an opportune time to move in (rebound!).

There are no true friends between men and women from the man's POV. This is the absolute reality of millions of years of evolution. This is one of the single most important and immutable laws of male/female interaction.
Last edited by Raw_Truth; August 18,2009 at 9:45am.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #24  August 18,2009, 1:08pm
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I used to be jealous. Maybe no insanely jealous, but there was a time in my life I'm not very proud of.

It pretty much stemmed from previous girlfriends cheating on me, but I'm not blaming them. Ultimately, as many people have said, its a trust issue. Its also a control issue as well.

I realized that I had no control and can never have control. That's how i controlled my jealousy, so to speak. By realizing there is nothing to control, i let it go, and literally stopped being jealous.

The last time i felt the jealousy bug was exactly the reason above. I was losing control. My ex was going through some hard times, and withdrawing because of that. My mind started filling in the blanks, and I started getting jealous. Mind you, this is someone I knew VERY well and knew she would never cheat on me. But that feeling was still there and it was hard to shake it. Plus, if i looked at it logically, there really wasn't a way for her to cheat on me given the schedule she was keeping. There is never a logic to it.

For me now, as long as there is nothing inappropriate about the venue, my girlfriend does whatever she wants. If there was something inappropriate, I will voice my objections, and that is that. She can still do whatever she wants, and by voicing my objections, she has to decide whether to upset me by continuing to partake in that venue, or she can decide to cede to my wishes and not go. Now, if I object to something. That's as far as it goes for me. I will not take it farther because I do not want to control her actions. I choose how to respond to her decision, but I will never *expect* her to do what i want. I only tell her my wishes and leave it at that. Her actions will always be her own and I'm allowed my decisions to act on those actions.

Its simple really. If your girl/guy wants to cheat on you. There is NOTHING you can do about it. There is only what you can do about it for yourself if/when you find out.
 
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wordwoman is offline wordwoman Post #25  August 18,2009, 4:59pm
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In my experience, folks who are nut-job jealous usually are chronically unhappy people. If I determine that you have no joy in your life and nothing brings you happiness, I'm probably going to be out of there with a quickness, because your next move will be to try to s^^k the joy and happiness out of my life. Life is too short to spend it around unhappy, joyless people.

Now with that said, I'm a Faith Hill kind of woman. If I witness some skanky-girl behaving in a less than decent fashion toward my man, a la Tim McGraw, I'm going to step to her and handle my business, just like Faith did. Some folks accused Faith of being jealous, but I don't see it that way. She was just letting the girl know she needed to back up off her man. Nothing wrong with that.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #26  August 18,2009, 5:23pm

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I agree with the others that say jealousy is about insecurities. I think that is really what it is all about and you can fix someone's insecurities - that is their deal to fix.

Personally, I have never dated a jealous type and don't imagine I will start now.
 
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Indy_Andy is offline Indy_Andy Post #27  May 4,2010, 9:49am
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becomingsabrina wrote :
Some women can be like this also. I've never been a "jealous" person per say but I did meet ONE man in my life that brought that side of me out. I felt as though I wanted him all the time, all to myself. The thought of him wanting someone else tormented me. I felt like I had turned into a different person. Needless to say that relationship didnt last long . Now that I'm years over it and can think about it with a sense of humor, I would love to figure out what it was about that particular man that brought that out in me.

anyone else? or is it just me? maybe he was the only man I ever really FULLY wanted with a passion
YOU TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUT OF MY HEART. It is a scary feeling when we lose control of who we are. I had the same issue with a Lady that in the long run, was not close to being worth it. I humiliated myself. Truth be known, it was great sex and that was all. But how we can lose ourselves is beyond me! Long distance requires %110 trust and total freedom. The" if you love something, set it free" cliche. You have to let each other person exercise free will. But truthfully, the other cliche can play a roll as well" what they dont know, wont hurt them"
 
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deistdreamer is offline deistdreamer Post #28  May 4,2010, 10:51am
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I am pretty sure if I am going out with my girl friends to a party, or a club, or the bar we are most likely going to have some guys hitting on us. And, hey, it feels kind of good to be wanted. If I am chatting up some guy on a plane or a bus I am pretty sure that the whole affair is not completely innocent. It is fun to engage in flirty chats with strangers. And yes it does feel good to be wanted. What's wrong with going for coffee with the guys at work? Nothing at all. But such events are often sexually charged events. Lots of flirting and kind of pushing the boundaries a bit or an attempt to find those boundaries if they exist at all.

It is virtually impossible to subtract sexual feelings out of boy-girl relationships. It is a bit stupid and naive to imagine that any relationshp between a guy other than your brother or dad is completely innocent.

So both guys and girls should be aware at least that they are playing in a game that evolutionary biology has long since rigged to lead to mating practices. Men and women never come together for purely platonic reasons. There is always a ying-yang thing going on between competing attractions. If the timing is right and the attraction strong enough the relationship that began so innocently will quickly turn sexual in nature.

From that standpoint then we all should be worried. All the good intentions and words in the world will not keep us from misbehaving if the timing is right.

But we can't imprison each other so we simply have to accept the risk that any and all so called innocent times with friends etc could result in our lovers being in the arms of someone else. No point being jealous about it. Just be aware of it and decide before not after but before pursuing innocent relationships what boundaries you will need in place to protect your relationship.

If you both decide it is pretty wide open and merely based on trust, that you both can party with your friends, play with the boys and girls, hang out with your co workers, chat up strangers of the opposite sex at will then one or the other of you will be burned. None of us are bigger than our evolutionary past. .
 
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