Any past or present jealous guys?


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happyquestion is offline happyquestion Post #11  July 24,2009, 7:58pm
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i remember reading somewhere a post about jealousy, it was said that jealousy is combined emotion of such element as fear, insecurity, anxiety, anger etc. Apart from lack of confidence in oneself, it shows a lack of trust in one's partner.

Like Becomingsabrina, i never thought i was the jealous type (at least this hasn't occurred in any of my previous relationships), with the person i'm currently dating (and having communication issues with) I begin to notice an insecure side of me coming out, our latest fight was initiated over that as well. I didn't like what i felt and how i felt, i came to realise after thinking about it, that like Dancingfool said, some of her actions made me feel that i'm rather insignificant or unimportant. or instead of saying her action made me feel certain way, I actually responded to her action with a pattern of thoughts which lead me to the assumption that i was no longer important to her. It takes time to understand the source of this feeling and and to work on it together in the relationship so that it doesn't become a larger issue. I won't say that anyone who shows jealousy should be discounted and taken off the list in a relationship.

I had a relationship with a girl who i perceived as very jealous in the beginning. She would be very upset if i want to go dancing, even taking her with me. Her thought of me going dancing with other people would be enough driving her so upset that we'll have a fight. Eventually i found out that her parents were ballroom dancing partners and together they had claimed some state titles in competition, but her father cheated on her mother with another dancer and left the family when her mother was very ill, the ill mother and young daughter struggled financially for a long time to just survive the daily living. That traumatic event have definitely left scars and she attributed to people go dancing rather than her unfaithful father. After understanding the source, and lots of reassurance, we eventually were able to go dancing together without much issue. This is just one example of where i think we shouldn't just run from our partner if there're signs of jealousy, there's always something behind the surface, it could be also that we didn't communicate in such way that our partner feels that we are committed.
 
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mylifesabeach is offline mylifesabeach Post #12  July 24,2009, 11:08pm
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Yikes I have had too many jealous people. I just end it fairly quickly when think happens now. I think its usually either insecurity or that THEY themselves are not trustworthy. Either way I will PASS
 
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MizzS is offline MizzS Post #13  July 25,2009, 12:56am
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sthngrlc wrote :
I want thoughts on this issue, especially guys who may have a tendency to be jealous. I started to date a guy (semi-long distance) and within a month he told me that before he could be serious with me, he would need me to not hangout with guys. He told me I could choose to, but if so he couldn't be in a serious dating/relationship with me. I agreed, thinking he was worth it. After 6 months and he acting odd and talking about breaking up, I finally went out with 2 girlfriends to a small party. I lied to him knowing he would get very mad and probably break up with me for that alone. I wanted him to breakup with me for a concrete reason and not because I hungout with people. I guess my question is why do guys act like this? I know lying is wrong, but come on are all guys like this? And yes, he broke up because I ended up confessing after I lied to him for a night.
Nope not all guys, he just has some very serious issues. What kind of relationship can one have without trust? Sometimes they claim its not you they don't trust but other guys. Though honestly to me what he was doing was trying to control you. My cousin is currently in a controlling relationship and its getting worse bit by bit. Of course I'm doing everything in my power to dystroy this union hit my cousin no.
 
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Lifeseeker is offline Lifeseeker Post #14  July 25,2009, 9:32pm
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What it comes down to is self esteem or trust.

When a guy can't stand seeing you talking to another man, it's because there is a trust issue. If a man can trust you to talk to other men, then there should be no problems.

Half the time most fellows have this complex that the gal will find another fellow and leave him in a lurch. That is the only reason why they don't want them to talk to other men, they feel like they will lose the girl.

So silly, isn't that?

~L~
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #15  July 25,2009, 9:37pm
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Lifeseeker wrote :
What it comes down to is self esteem or trust.

When a guy can't stand seeing you talking to another man, it's because there is a trust issue. If a man can trust you to talk to other men, then there should be no problems.

Half the time most fellows have this complex that the gal will find another fellow and leave him in a lurch. That is the only reason why they don't want them to talk to other men, they feel like they will lose the girl.

So silly, isn't that?

~L~
Isn't it?
Especially considering that if the girl wanted to be with any of those other fellows, she probably would be...
 
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Lifeseeker is offline Lifeseeker Post #16  July 25,2009, 9:53pm
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is getting over a break up. Thought she was my soulmate.

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IcecreamMoon wrote :
Isn't it?
Especially considering that if the girl wanted to be with any of those other fellows, she probably would be...
... and he wouldn't have even known Moon. He only knew because she told him.

She could have walked away with a new romeo, and he not known what happen until a week letter when she sent him a "Dear John" email!

Then again, who knows... right?

~L~
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #17  July 25,2009, 10:34pm
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On a serious note -
I appreciate that we all have insecurities.

But personally, I would never even consider dating anyone unless I really wanted to date that specific person. And I would do anything within reason to reassure him of my loyalty and devotion.

However, if that wasn't enough, and that specific person continued to test me with completely ridiculous imaginary scenarios and even tried to turn me into a lier, the he's OUT before he was ever in consideration.

We are all grown adults, aren't we? And we all live in a world full of beautiful and interesting people. And yet, for some reason, we are still all here looking for The One... Might be worth considering.
Last edited by IcecreamMoon; July 25,2009 at 10:36pm. Reason: Frustration does not encourage correct spelling
 
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sthngrlc is offline sthngrlc Post #18  July 26,2009, 2:07am
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I agree that not telling him may have worked in my best interest! Although the issue was brought up because he said that someone told him they saw me somewhere he wouldn't approve of. For the record, we had no mutual friends, so none of my friends would have told him or even cared and he had told me that if he ever felt like his past GF was doing something he wouldn't like, he would have someone "check-up" on her. IDK if he was bluffing because there would have been no way for his close friends to be there, but I hate lying so I just broke down and told him the truth. Anyways, I hated always wondering if he'd have someone check up on me when he knew I was out with my GIRL friends, for the future that will be a big sign to me.
 
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sthngrlc is offline sthngrlc Post #19  July 26,2009, 2:11am
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Lifeseeker wrote :
What it comes down to is self esteem or trust.

When a guy can't stand seeing you talking to another man, it's because there is a trust issue. If a man can trust you to talk to other men, then there should be no problems.

Half the time most fellows have this complex that the gal will find another fellow and leave him in a lurch. That is the only reason why they don't want them to talk to other men, they feel like they will lose the girl.

So silly, isn't that?

~L~
I completly agree! Although after he broke up with me he stil kept demanding to know if I were with any guys for the first couple of weeks. I asked him if he was afraid i'd find someone better than him and he replied "you'll never find anyone who will treat you as good as I did."
 
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Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #20  August 16,2009, 8:28pm
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I can only say he must have been one hunk of man, svave dresser with sports car and all for you to have wanted to put up with the c^&p for more than a millie second. It wasn't him. There is something wrong with YOU! Repeat after me. Never, ever, let anyone else tell you how you should behave! Get it!
 
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