Who should relocate in our long distance relationship?


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nmsteach is offline nmsteach Post #1  July 23,2009, 7:25pm
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I met a fantastic guy on eharmony. He kind of came out of no where when I had almost given up. He has all the qualities I want in a person and our relationship has strongly developed. We love each other and plan on getting married, but our biggest issue is that currently we live about two hours from each other. We both are going into our second year of teaching. He has a dream head coaching position that he doesnt want to leave and I have my dream job at the school I have wanted. He is already three hours from his family and I don't really want to move more than an hour away. We are both willing to move for each other, but neither of us ideally want to leave our jobs. Does anyone have any advice for how to make this process of deciding a little easier?
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #2  July 24,2009, 12:21pm

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The answer is simple in the near future you and he are going to buy a house or a condo, Right? (Maybe sooner rather then later with the improving economy.) You split the month 2 weeks at his and 2 weeks at your place until you find your dream home, which should somewhere in the middle or a one hour drive for each of you. I would not worry about your family's it gives them somewhere to go on the weekend alternatively
it also affords you privacy, which family do not mind invading!
The cost associated with the both of you moving to a new apartment is not worth it especially with all of the houses on the market. You could also look a leasing a house, before you buy or with an option to buy and they can credit a percent of your rent to the down payment!
Don't move yourselves someone always ends up with an injured back. It called compromise! Good Luck.

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Last edited by Harvey7; July 24,2009 at 12:31pm.
 
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CJF is offline CJF Post #3  July 24,2009, 12:27pm
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This is a tough one. Perhaps you both can take the sacrifice and move in the middle. Would it be too much for either of you to drive 1 hour to work?

If you compromise on this then there won't be any resentment from either of you on having to give up a dream job. Sometimes having to drive further to work is worth the hassle.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #4  July 24,2009, 12:38pm
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Maybe do the 'live in the middle' with a 1 hour drive for each....until one of you finds another 'dream job' (or something close to it) in the same town as the other.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  July 24,2009, 1:05pm
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Since good jobs are not lying around waiting for you, I'd say the living in the middle is your current optimal solution, assuming you can both afford the hour long commute. If that is not an option, then money talks - who makes more money and who is in a more secure position, gets to stay and the other one gets to look for a new job. Sorry, but I'm practical like that. Oh yeah, don't quit until you have a secure position and a signed contract for it.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #6  July 24,2009, 2:06pm
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I agree with Harvey that you and your guy should consider moving to somewhere centrally located for the both of you. Good luck
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #7  July 24,2009, 2:44pm
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You put it on a spreadsheet and monetize all the facts so you can make on optimal solution. What kind of growth / further education / advancement potential exists for both of you? What are the cost associated with each possible living arrangement? Get it all into numbers and disentangle any emotions.
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #8  July 24,2009, 4:50pm
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[quote=CJF;685236]This is a tough one. Perhaps you both can take the sacrifice and move in the middle. Would it be too much for either of you to drive 1 hour to work?

[quote=jayjay;685243]Maybe do the 'live in the middle' with a 1 hour drive for each....until one of you finds another 'dream job' (or something close to it) in the same town as the other.

DancingFool wrote :
Since good jobs are not lying around waiting for you, I'd say the living in the middle is your current optimal solution, assuming you can both afford the hour long commute. If that is not an option, then money talks - who makes more money and who is in a more secure position, gets to stay and the other one gets to look for a new job. Sorry, but I'm practical like that. Oh yeah, don't quit until you have a secure position and a signed contract for it.



Me 4. What they said. And yes, that is the color of money!
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #9  July 24,2009, 6:17pm
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nmsteach wrote :
I met a fantastic guy on eharmony. He kind of came out of no where when I had almost given up. He has all the qualities I want in a person and our relationship has strongly developed. We love each other and plan on getting married, but our biggest issue is that currently we live about two hours from each other. We both are going into our second year of teaching. He has a dream head coaching position that he doesnt want to leave and I have my dream job at the school I have wanted. He is already three hours from his family and I don't really want to move more than an hour away. We are both willing to move for each other, but neither of us ideally want to leave our jobs. Does anyone have any advice for how to make this process of deciding a little easier?
Congratulations!

WRT to your situation, moving to somewhere in the middle is an option. It would mean (I think from your description) that you'd both have to be then commuting to/from work. Have you ever commuted previously? This is worth thinking about as it isn't always the best option. You will be more tired and less money incoming due to outgoing travel budget.

Unless the 'family' he is referencing his children and/or care responsibilities he may have for his other family members, I don't feel it is a factor as to whether or not you/he should move. What if in six months time his family move interstate?

From what I see around me with couples, having to move due to the work factor seems to be fairly common.

I would just reiterate that if only one of you move, that decision needs to be a willing choice. Not a reluctant compromise.
 
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nmsteach is offline nmsteach Post #10  July 25,2009, 8:20am
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Thank you very much for all your replies. They are very helpful!
 
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