Settle or just accept lonliness?


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jaydub114 is offline jaydub114 Post #1  July 22,2009, 4:12pm
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I've been on this forum for a short amount of time, but I really enjoy and I just want to thank everyone for their input in the threads I have made. You guys are awesome.

I want to know what is everyone's view on settling for someone in a relationship your not that into. I read some time ago, that you should never settle because it is unfair to yourself and the person you settle for.

I agree and have been following this. With that said, since I don't settle, I am pretty lonely. The girls I am truly attracted to (not necessarily physical) never work out for me. The answer may have age variations. I might see things this because I am only 20, but I don't know.

I guess my question is what does everyone think about settling? Since I am having a hard time corralling the girls I want, should I settle or just deal with being lonely (how do you do that)?
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jimtenn1961 is offline jimtenn1961 Post #2  July 22,2009, 4:25pm
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First, I am a little confused. You say the GIRLS you are attracted to and then later said you are having a hard time corralling the GUYS you want. No big deal, just a little confusing.

With that being said, you are only 20. Not finding the right one should not be that big of a deal at this time in your life. I dated very little and was never in a real relationship until I met my wife at 23. It was only after I stopped trying to find someone and decided what the heck, that I gained the confidence and maturity to be in a real relationship. Until then, I would suggest that you just date. Don't date to find the right one or the long time relationship. Just date to date. Go out, have a good time. If it works, great. If not, oh well. Then see what happens on the next date.
 
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landstar59 is offline landstar59 Post #3  July 22,2009, 4:52pm
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You are still young and have plenty of time. Don't settle as your first instinct has guided you. Instead, if you are lonely, take the focus off of yourself and put it on someone else. Do something to make someone else feel better about themselves. You'll never know what rewards it will bring until you try. Best wishes.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  July 22,2009, 4:54pm
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I have some different views, depending on what the exact issue is:
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landstar59 is offline landstar59 Post #5  July 22,2009, 4:54pm
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P.S. I read in another advice column that if there is a gal you like to simply walk by her and pay her a genuine compliment without expecting anything from it and walk on. For instance you might love the color she is wearing and might say, that color looks great on you. She just might take a notice of you and follow you around.
 
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jaydub114 is offline jaydub114 Post #6  July 22,2009, 5:21pm
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jimtenn1961 wrote :
First, I am a little confused. You say the GIRLS you are attracted to and then later said you are having a hard time corralling the GUYS you want. No big deal, just a little confusing.

With that being said, you are only 20. Not finding the right one should not be that big of a deal at this time in your life. I dated very little and was never in a real relationship until I met my wife at 23. It was only after I stopped trying to find someone and decided what the heck, that I gained the confidence and maturity to be in a real relationship. Until then, I would suggest that you just date. Don't date to find the right one or the long time relationship. Just date to date. Go out, have a good time. If it works, great. If not, oh well. Then see what happens on the next date.
oops i fixed it...I like girls
 
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jaydub114 is offline jaydub114 Post #7  July 22,2009, 5:29pm
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jimtenn1961 wrote :
First, I am a little confused. You say the GIRLS you are attracted to and then later said you are having a hard time corralling the GUYS you want. No big deal, just a little confusing.

With that being said, you are only 20. Not finding the right one should not be that big of a deal at this time in your life. I dated very little and was never in a real relationship until I met my wife at 23. It was only after I stopped trying to find someone and decided what the heck, that I gained the confidence and maturity to be in a real relationship. Until then, I would suggest that you just date. Don't date to find the right one or the long time relationship. Just date to date. Go out, have a good time. If it works, great. If not, oh well. Then see what happens on the next date.
I don't think I worded my myself right. I'm not talking about settling down with a woman and having a committed relationship and family. I'm referring to dating someone you are not that interested in or attracted to for reason or another. Basically lowering your usual standards because the people you wanna date don't wanna date you.
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  July 22,2009, 5:43pm
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This is not your only option.
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shellyg is offline shellyg Post #9  July 22,2009, 5:43pm
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You shouldn't settle because you will not be happy in the relationship. You will always feel like something is missing. Personally, I want to be love struck so I refuse to settle.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #10  July 22,2009, 5:48pm
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jaydub114 wrote :
I've been on this forum for a short amount of time, but I really enjoy and I just want to thank everyone for their input in the threads I have made. You guys are awesome.

I want to know what is everyone's view on settling for someone in a relationship your not that into. I read some time ago, that you should never settle because it is unfair to yourself and the person you settle for.

I agree and have been following this. With that said, since I don't settle, I am pretty lonely. The girls I am truly attracted to (not necessarily physical) never work out for me. The answer may have age variations. I might see things this because I am only 20, but I don't know.

I guess my question is what does everyone think about settling? Since I am having a hard time corralling the girls I want, should I settle or just deal with being lonely (how do you do that)?
Everybody settles. Even me... I'm dating someone who is beyond wonderful, intelligent, caring, and hot... and yet, there are things about her that I have decided that I'm settling on (high maintenence, politics, etc...).

First of all, you should not settle to be a relationship that you're not into. You should try to find someone who is as into you as you are them. In this case, you're correct that it's unfair to yourself and unfair to the other girl.

With respect to the girls that you're attracted to, you have to realize that you shouldn't settle, but you also have to realize that there is a certain threshold of attractiveness that you can attract... basically what I'm saying is, do you have options. If you have options, then you shouldn't settle. If you can attract super-hot women, and you have options, then you shouldn't settle. But if you have problems with that, then you have to realize your own limitations and either work with them or work to surpass them.

So, should you settle? My answer is no. You shouldn't settle. You should strive to be happy. But realistically, everybody settles, because nobody you meet will be perfect.
 
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