Question for the men - how do you let someone know you are interested?


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hmontgomery is offline hmontgomery Post #1  July 19,2009, 3:20pm
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I am divorced and I haven't really dated very much because I was raising small children. I'm OK with that. Children out of the nest now. I have been getting to know two different men, only intimate with one, the one I have known for years. The second one is the one that I would really like to get to know and possibly have a real relationship with. I have known him for a little over a year. We talk quite a bit and have gone out a few times and really enjoy each other's company. I appreciate that he is a gentleman, we have great conversations, we laught a lot, and we have been taking things slowly. Very slowly - and I like that because I really want to be friends with him first. He has been divorced for a little longer than I have.

We are taking things so slowly and I have been "out of the dating loop" for so long that I can't tell when someone is really interested in me. My friends are always having to point out to me that someone seems to be attracted to me because unless a man tells me he is attracted to me I just don't see it sometimes.

I am going to be honest, I think that he, like I, probably has someone else that he is currently seeing. We don't talk about those things, but I just have a feeling. That's OK.

My question is, if they don't just come out and say it, how do I tell when someone is really interested or they just want to be friends? He always compliments the way that I look and has told me that he thinks I am sexy. (I think he is very sexy too). BUT, does that mean he is interested in possibly pursuing a relationship? Help!!
 
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Robert_inSD is offline Robert_inSD Post #2  July 19,2009, 3:51pm
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Communication is critical. If he's like most men (like me), he is clueless (or at best uncertain). You're going to have to let him know in a plain and direct manner. Just be diplomatic about it.

It sounds like you have been dating a while, so opening such a discussion should not be a big hurdle.

Now, if it does not go well, assure yourself, and decide to move onward.

Others: Is just this guy's advice on target?
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #3  July 19,2009, 3:54pm
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Why would you be "intimate" with one man when you "really like to get to know and possibly have a real relationship with" another?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  July 19,2009, 4:47pm
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Good point, j0hn8andy.
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #5  July 19,2009, 5:54pm
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I was wondering the exact same thing! And who doesn't appreciate a betting Frog?

Since it seems that we agree,
I think it deserves a rhyme from thee!
 
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Genie57 is offline Genie57 Post #6  July 19,2009, 6:25pm
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Thank you guys so much. Let me back up a little bit. I am not "cheating" on anyone. The person that I have more of an "intimate" relationship with absolutely knows that our relationship is more of a casual relationship and that I am not interested in anything more than what we already have. We were friends long before becoming intimate and he knows that while I enjoy being with him that I don't expect a long-term committed relationship with him. That's not his thing. I got divorced and he has been there for me. He is actually the only person I have been intimate with since my divorce (8 years ago), because I didn't want a parade of men in my life or around my children.

So...anyway, the other guy...I have not gotten into telling him everything there is to know about me yet because like I said, I am slowly trying to get to know him as a friend because that is one of the reasons why I think my marriage didn't work out after 15 years - we were never friends. We talk quite a bit but really just started going out because of jobs/kids, etc. The timing seems to really be falling into place at this point. SO - I like him, he really seems to like me and I am not in a hurry. From talking to him it seems like we have a lot in common and he treats me well. I would like to continue to slowly get to know him and I have no problem with him knowing that I have been in this other relationship. We haven't talked about our other relationships though. I am just assuming that he is otherwise involved just like I am. I am not trying to jump his bones yet!!

I guess I feel like he may be interested in more because of the way he looks at me, the way he gets kind of nervous around me, to the point of stuttering sometimes, and some other cues. I also don't think that if he is seeing someone else that he is cheating because we are getting to know each other and becoming friends at this point - that is all...so nothing untoward has happened. Also if we only become good friends that is totally fine with me. I guess I am asking for the opinions of the men because I asked one of my male friends what he thinks - of course going into more of the little details with him, and he says he thinks the guy is interested. I like the guy and I wouldn't mind spending more time with him to see where things go. I am just a little nervous because I really can't tell if he is interested and I don't want to come right out and ask him. I know that all guys don't just come out and tell a woman that they are interested! Other than my one casual relationship I am clueless. I need help guys! What are some of the ways you let a woman know other than just blurting it out!!

Thanks guys!
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #7  July 19,2009, 6:35pm
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[quote=D_Lion;679745]Good point, j0hn8andy.
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #8  July 19,2009, 8:48pm
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Genie57 or HMontgomery

I'm not really sure to whom I should be addressing this. HM started the thread, but 57 is 'splainin' things. OK. How many screen names do you have?

I'm trying hard not to think you're using him for sex...That's your business, and I don't even want to know!

I would favor the direct approach, via Frog.

I would also favor picking one screen name and sticking with it. Unless you're multiple personalities, in which case you can have as many as you please.
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #9  July 19,2009, 10:08pm
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"He always compliments the way that I look and has told me that he thinks I am sexy. (I think he is very sexy too). BUT, does that mean he is interested in possibly pursuing a relationship?"

Being a guy...
There is no way in hell that I would tell a friend they were sexy if I didn't want something more than a friendship. I would tell my friends they look "good" or "nice". If he used the words "sexy" he is into you...
 
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Genie57 is offline Genie57 Post #10  July 20,2009, 8:34am
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I apologize for the new screen name. I am new to this site and when I tried to log in under the first name I created for some reason I could not get in...

Anyway, thanks KungFu....

Like I was saying before, I have been divorced for 8 years and I have only been intimate with that one person long term. He knows he's not the marrying kind and I know he is not the marrying kind and he knows very well (because I have been very open with him), that I am looking for more at this point in my life. I have not been intimate with anyone else at all and have only had a few dates here and there (nothing intimate), with any other guys. I have daughters and didn't want my children to see a parade of men coming in and out of my life.

You are saying exactly what a male friend who is like a brother to me has said - he would never tell a "friend" that he thinks she is sexy - he saves that for women he is interested in possibly pursing a relationship with. I am interested in him and I think I may have to help him along a little bit but I don't want to be too forward. I am really a shy person. Again, I am not in a hurry and I like that we are taking our time getting to really know each other.

We are both in our early 50's so we are not kids and it seems that neither one of us goes the really fast route like younger people might choose. Any ideas on how I can let him know I am interested without being too forward? Or without saying "I am interested." Sorry to be so lame, but I got married in 1985 and got divorced in 2001 so since I started dating my ex-husband, which was 1982, I have only been with him and the guy I am intimate with now. That's 27 years and that's it! - so I am a little clueless and I could use some advice.

Don't want to scare him away because he's cool and even if things don't go any further I want to continue the friendship without things getting uncomfortable!
 
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