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Aequitas's Avatar

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Try going on dates that are more fun and only for short times to start off with. Then on your second date plan something that will take more time and be creative whenever possible. See if there is any interest. Think of fun topics to talk about while you are on your dates. It also sounds like you are making yourself too available by being the one to ask for the next dates. Its good that you initiate the first one or two but between dates try waiting a week before you call and ask for the next one. Let the person you have dated time to digest if they like you or not. You might be surprised if they call and schedule the next date. When you make yourself too available, you make yourself seem needy, which is a big turn off to anyone. Sorry, no offense.
- July 14th, 2009, 03:43 pm
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Along the lines of BikerBeagle's, idea, maybe things depend on how big of a town you're in. I live in a major metropolitan area, and that means lots and lots to choose from. That means I get a super dinky chance to make a great first impression. But whatever...I'm partially doing this to just be comfortable dating. I'm quite a nervous person, and it's taken quite a few dates to calm my behind down...and I still have a ways to go!
- July 14th, 2009, 05:57 pm
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OverAnalyzer is doing something completely different

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Well...without knowing you or seeing you in action and going by what you wrote, are you possible too structured, too finite? I think you should throw the rules out the window and be more spontaneous and more creative about where you take your dates.

I hate going to dinner or a movie on a first date, or any other time actually. Too confining. I'd much prefer going somewhere we can walk and look at stuff, which introduces and encourages conversation and doesn't force it as it does with a restaurant dinner. A museum, art fair, town fair, interesting town, shoreline at low tide, old cemetery. Sure, grab a bite on the way at some great hole-in-the-wall or diner, but keep it light and casual. Best kind of date, I think, but I'm easy.
- July 14th, 2009, 06:47 pm
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HonestGal's Avatar

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too much thinking and too much regiment!
- July 15th, 2009, 06:30 am
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pj33 wrote :
I have been on e-harmony for about 3 years.

When I first joined, I met somebody within the first few weeks. We dated for about 7 months. I honestly thought she was the one, but later she broke up with me.

Since then, I had several relationships that lasted anywhere between 3-4 months. However, since last year I have been in a rut.

I've been out with about 25 girls since last fall and just can't get past the 3rd or 4th date. I either get blown off or just told that they don't feel the chemistry isn't there.

I don't know if I come on too strong. I don't think I do. I usually go out on the first date make plans for a second date during our date for 3-4 days later. And then after the 2nd date give them a call 2 days after our second date to make plans for a 3rd date.

The first date usually consists of drinks or dinner & drinks. The second date is usually dinner and a movie or just dinner.

Am I doing something wrong?
As far as what you have written is concerned? No, you aren't doing anything wrong. You don't speak of the other dynamics in the relationships, so it's hard to say what the issue might be.
- July 15th, 2009, 11:45 am
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Well, it sounds likes your on the hunt for finding your Mrs. Right".
Dear I think you need to s l l l ooow your roll and not work so hard at finding Her. Relax and be yourself. You shouldn't have to work at it.
It's not a job after all.

You already have it worked out in your mind how you can't get past the 3rd or 4th date and sure enough, you bomb. Somehow you've prepared yourself to fail. When you go out, why not tell yourself, I'm going out to enjoy the date - that's it, that's all !

Why not do something different as you prepare to be successful getting pasts the 3rd or 4th dates? Volunteer some of your time, at the City of Hope. or be a volunteer with the returning Veterans as they get off the planes at the airport. Take your mind off of you.
- July 15th, 2009, 08:31 pm
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I am going to ask a stupid question: On 25 dates have you ever been the one to say, "I don't think this is right for me?" Surely in 25 dates, someone has to have fallen in that category. Is it possible you have sensed it and just didn't want to be the one to break it off?
- July 15th, 2009, 08:57 pm
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Thank you for everyone responses. I know it is difficult to describe each of my dates, but they usually consist of a 1st date at the Grape. It is a wine bar in Atlanta and I always pay for the bill. If it is not the Grape, it is Cafe Intermezzo.

If anyone is interested I kept notes on each of the girls I went out with and this is how each meeting went:

1) Michelle - I did not like her and I landed up ending it after our first date in the parking lot, telling her that I did not feel the chemistry was there.
2) Beth - I was attracted to her. Her parents were divorced and she lived with a divorced person. And all of her friends were divorced. I read this as all bad signs.
3) Katie - I read her as a total player as she was. She would always be busy and eventually totally blew me off after 3 dates.
4) Jenny - Don't remember
5) Lori - Amazingly, I think she told me this because she wasn't into me. She told me was looking for someone to accompany her to parties, but not a relationship. I closed our match instantly.
6) Leslie - God, she reminded me of the love of my life. We landed up drinking in a bar for 3 hours. We made out in the parking lot for a few minutes. She landed up blowing me off.
7) Amy - This woman had 2 kids and it was not in her profile. I found out this during our date and it scared the hell out of me.
8) Melissa,- 2 dates, I found out about her daughter on our second date. And that ended that.
9) Evelina - She was originally from Poland. I really liked her. After 3 dates, she said I was moving too fast. I tried kissing her on the 3rd date and we did. How is that too fast. When we talked after that, she said that she felt the chemistry was not there.
10) Michele - A divorced 38 year old. She complained that men tried to move to fast with her. So, I decided to take things slowly. Regardless, after 3 dates she landed up blowing me off.
11) Suzanne - Probably my absolute favorite. She was 3 years older than me and very successful. She drove a Jag. Anyways, 1 date and out, but 2 months later she set me with her friend Yasmine. I swear to God her friend was the most beautiful person I had ever met. She even worked for Feed The Children in Africa.
12) Renee - She was 5' 10" and blonde. Absolutely gorgeous. She was from my home town. I grew up in NY and live in the South. We hit it off talking about NY. She landed up blowing me off. I am only 5' 9", so I thought this was the deal breaker.
13) Shannon - We went out to Bahama Breeze on a Monday. The conversation was stiff. I asked her what her plans were for the rest of the week. She said she had plans for each day. I landed up not asking her out for a second date.
14) Alicia - This is one of those girls who do not post a picture of her entire body. Within 5 seconds, I knew would not want to be with her. I closed the match.
15) Cara - She was much younger than me. I am 35 and she was 26. We went out for 2 dates. Drinks on the first date, bowling on the 2nd date. She landed up blowing me off.
16) Yasmine - This is the girl that Suzanne set me up with. The Grape the first date. An Indian-Thai place the 2nd date. 3rd date - Fleetwood Mac Concert. 4th date - Movie. Then she dumped me.
17) Francine - Mother of 2. We went out to the Grape and made out with her in her minivan. She sent me an e-mail after our date telling me she wanted me to come over her place that night, but she was too shy. She closed me out 2 days later after I called her up the next day.
18) Julie - OMG she was so hot. A gorgeous blonde. She worked at a Farmer's Market that I go to almost everyday for lunch. We met for lunch at her workplace for lunch. She landed up blowing me off.
19) Stacy - Another gorgeous blonde. We land up meeting at the Grape. Go for Mexican and to the movies on the 2nd date. She tells me she is busy the next weekend, but maybe we can do lunch. I feel this is a bad sign.
20) Mary Beth - I really like her. She tells me after 2 dates she is really busy the next week and will not be able to go out.

I'm sure I forgot a few girls in between, but that has been my history since October of last year.
- July 15th, 2009, 09:02 pm
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Snick8699's Avatar

Snick8699 Forget Prince Charming...give me a guy who makes me HOT!

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I agree with most of the other posters. DO you like all the women enough to WANT to date them? We really can tell when someone is really into us or just desperate for a date and not be alone. Ask yourself that questions and also what you are truly looking for. Then try a subtle approach when meeting that person. Without being a jerk or standoffish, try to reel her in to you. Good luck!
- July 15th, 2009, 10:41 pm
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nativedaughter is happy.

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I don't think so. I am in the date 3 stage with someone right now. Frankly, I cannot tell yet whether I will really warm up to this person, but I am giving myself a chance to see if I can find chemistry with him. It is so anxiety provoking, trying to decide whether to see him again when I don't know if I am going to feel attracted, or just friendly. When I was younger, I always ended up dating people I had met through work or school, so we actually already had some idea of who this other person is. When meeting people on line it is completely from scratch, out of context, and really hard to know how and how quickly to proceed. I am giving myself through date 3 to see if I want to further develop this relationship with a nice man who may not be for me.
- July 16th, 2009, 12:00 am
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