OptimistPessimist is offline OptimistPessimist Post #1  July 13,2009, 7:06am
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I have been in a relationship for more than three years. There is no doubt we love each other, but as you know when it comes to long lasting relationships/marriage, love is not enough. We now live in separate countries and won't be able to be together long term unless we get married. We both wish for our relationship to progress to marriage, but I have some doubts whether my boyfriend is genuinely ready for that move. My biggest issues are as follows:

1) He is 39 yoa and has never left his parental home. He has never payed board/lodgings/bills (except his cell phone and internet bills) and his mother is very keen to keep him at home so he can run errands for her as she is not in the best of health. Both parents at home are not healthy and rely upon him to do things for them even though they have community helpers 5-6 times per week.

2) Quite a few times over the period of our relationship he has had bank overdrafts and was unable to pay his bills for some time. He doesn't seem to stay in one job for long and goes for long periods of time unemployed.

3) He cheated on me early on in our relationship. I don't know the full extent of the affair except I know absolutely definately there was NO sex involved (I guess I caught him before it escalated into that). I wanted to break off the relationship but we seemed to have sorted through some issues and decided to make a go of it. However I get the feeling that he tries to keep his relationships with other females secret from me. I REALLY don't think he is cheating on me at the moment, but it his secretive behaviour makes me wonder if he is still flirting with other women or looking elsewhere.

My concerns are:
- is he mature enough or ready for the commitment of being a husband?
- will he grow up and stand on his own two feet (instead of going straight from mummy dearest to me-mummy substitute?)?
- will he always be the kind of guy that is one step away from a full blown affair? ie. is he really trustworthy?
- does he genuinely want to have a future with me?

Does anyone have any thoughts????
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #2  July 13,2009, 7:12am
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Any of items that you describe by themselves should probably just be written off as "no one's perfect". However, when taken together I think that you already know that the answer is to let this relationship go.

By ending this relationship and making yourself available again, you allow yourself the chance to meet someone that doesn't have a laundry list of "he's perfect buts..."
 
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Lanc is offline Lanc Post #3  July 13,2009, 7:23am
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OptimistPessimist wrote :
Does anyone have any thoughts????
Well yeah, I'm having a hard time believing this is a serious query.

1) never lived alone-that means you're going to be his new mother...hope you're the nurturing kind
2) no job
3) he strays
 
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carose is offline carose Post #4  July 13,2009, 7:36am
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You should have your eyes checked, that is if you don't see the red flags popping up all 'round ya!

But they do make for good lawn decor...
 
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DeliBebek is offline DeliBebek Post #5  July 13,2009, 8:08am
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Does he seem to be aware of these problems? If not, then before you dump him (deservedly) perhaps you should point out why you're dumping him. It might make him realize what's wrong with his lifestyle, if you think it's worth a try.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #6  July 13,2009, 8:18am

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OptimistPessimist wrote :
I have been in a relationship for more than three years. There is no doubt we love each other, but as you know when it comes to long lasting relationships/marriage, love is not enough. We now live in separate countries and won't be able to be together long term unless we get married. We both wish for our relationship to progress to marriage, but I have some doubts whether my boyfriend is genuinely ready for that move. My biggest issues are as follows:

1) He is 39 yoa and has never left his parental home. He has never payed board/lodgings/bills (except his cell phone and internet bills) and his mother is very keen to keep him at home so he can run errands for her as she is not in the best of health. Both parents at home are not healthy and rely upon him to do things for them even though they have community helpers 5-6 times per week.

2) Quite a few times over the period of our relationship he has had bank overdrafts and was unable to pay his bills for some time. He doesn't seem to stay in one job for long and goes for long periods of time unemployed.

3) He cheated on me early on in our relationship. I don't know the full extent of the affair except I know absolutely definately there was NO sex involved (I guess I caught him before it escalated into that). I wanted to break off the relationship but we seemed to have sorted through some issues and decided to make a go of it. However I get the feeling that he tries to keep his relationships with other females secret from me. I REALLY don't think he is cheating on me at the moment, but it his secretive behaviour makes me wonder if he is still flirting with other women or looking elsewhere.

My concerns are:
- is he mature enough or ready for the commitment of being a husband?
- will he grow up and stand on his own two feet (instead of going straight from mummy dearest to me-mummy substitute?)?
- will he always be the kind of guy that is one step away from a full blown affair? ie. is he really trustworthy?
- does he genuinely want to have a future with me?

Does anyone have any thoughts????
Didn't anyone ever tell you that love is blind! Please re-read your post and if one of your girls friends had submitted it, what would your advise be to her?
RUN LIKE HELL, GIRL?He lacks a moral compass and he will ruin your life as well as your credit and then he will go back to Momma, a richer man then he was before, he came here. Take the blinders off.

Harvey7.
Last edited by Harvey7; July 13,2009 at 8:21am.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #7  July 13,2009, 9:16am
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Harvey7 wrote :
Didn't anyone ever tell you that love is blind! Please re-read your post and if one of your girls friends had submitted it, what would your advise be to her?
RUN LIKE HELL, GIRL?He lacks a moral compass and he will ruin your life as well as your credit and then he will go back to Momma, a richer man then he was before, he came here. Take the blinders off.

Harvey7.
Can we release the Ducks now?
 
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Icouldwriteabook is offline Icouldwriteabook Post #8  July 13,2009, 10:52am
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Harvey7 wrote :
Didn't anyone ever tell you that love is blind! Please re-read your post and if one of your girls friends had submitted it, what would your advise be to her?
RUN LIKE HELL, GIRL?He lacks a moral compass and he will ruin your life as well as your credit and then he will go back to Momma, a richer man then he was before, he came here. Take the blinders off.

Harvey7.

Harvey7, I don't often agree with some of your posts but in this particular instance, I say DITTO!!!! Exactly what I was thinking.
 
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