Is bigger better? Is she really into me?


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vass2009 is offline vass2009 Post #1  July 11,2009, 2:33pm
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Me and my partner have been togethor about a year and recently got engaged. For the mojority of this time we get on very well, have the usual ups and downs most couples have, and as far as I know the sex has been good.
As with most couples we have touched on ex partners, and what we liked and didnt like about them.
She told me that a couple of her ex partners had been a little 'rough' with her, but that 1 in particular had been good in bed. I wasnt sure what she meant by this and recently(a couple of weeks ago) asked her.
Basically she said that they were 'bigger' than me, and while it hurt at first - she liked it after a while. As soon as she said this I have become very insecure. I believe from all reports I am about average size, and have never had any complaints in that department before. I actually even rang an ex partner and she said no - you annoyed me with other stuff sometimes but in that department you were good.... I am still feeling very inadequate now.
She also told me that one of her friends was dating a guy and he was very big and they had trouble having sex. She made a passing comment at the time - ahh - I dont know what shes worried about - I can handle it.... I didnt think much of this at the time but now I wonder exactly what she did handle..and am I enough for her..??
There are also a couple of things in the bedroom that she has done with 1 atleast one of her ex-partners that she did not do with me in bed until very recently. Why would she do this with them but not me? Is she really into me?
We have talked about this and she tells me that Im good in bed and she likes what we do. But I cant help but wonder if I am really satisfying her when she has been with other guys that are 'bigger' than me, and why she did other things with other guys and not me until very recently.
Yes I feel insecure and stupid, and have actually looked into ways to increase my 'size'. She assures me that I am perfect and not to worry, but I cant help but think about these other guys that were 'good in bed' and 'bigger than me', and think she may be saying im perfect cause she knows she has hurt my feelings and wants me to feel better.
I have never felt so insecure in my life before, and wish I had known some of this stuff a little earlier before we got engaged. i do love her but cant seem to get over this and really want to so we can go ahead and marry as planned.
Im feeling very confused and insecure - what should I do?
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #2  July 11,2009, 2:55pm
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This is why you should NEVER talk in any detail about past sex partners. NEVER.

I can tell you that what you do with what you have is FAR more important than your size. I knew one man who was very modest in size, but knew exactly what to do and was great in bed.

The fact that your fiance did certain acts with prior partners earlier than she did them with you means nothing. Did you ask/initiate doing these things with her earlier in your relationship and she rejected you? I'm guessing not. Some acts that you may have tried once or twice in your youth seem better saved for "special occasions" rather than part of the regular menu of activities. Some people prefer those other acts and make them their sole expression of desire in the bedroom. Everyone is different in what they really like and how often they want to do any particular activity.

I have not been with a large number of men, but the ones I have been with have ranged widely in length, width, and even shape/appearance. I can't say that ANY of them were inadequate in any way.

She has not indicated this is an issue, but if you want to give her a feeling of being "fuller" than you can provide, there are other things you can do to give this to her. I'm sure you can figure out what these things are.

You should NOT feel insecure at all, but just stay open to experimenting with even more ways to express your love to her. If this were an issue for her, she would have (or should have) said no to your proposal. Since it's not an issue for her, don't let it become an obsessive issue for you.
 
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txbubba is offline txbubba Post #3  July 11,2009, 2:56pm

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are you satisfied after sex? if so, what seems to be the problem?
 
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Gutierrez22 is offline Gutierrez22 Post #4  July 11,2009, 3:10pm
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
This is why you should NEVER talk in any detail about past sex partners. NEVER.

I can tell you that what you do with what you have is FAR more important than your size. I knew one man who was very modest in size, but knew exactly what to do and was great in bed.

The fact that your fiance did certain acts with prior partners earlier than she did them with you means nothing. Did you ask/initiate doing these things with her earlier in your relationship and she rejected you? I'm guessing not. Some acts that you may have tried once or twice in your youth seem better saved for "special occasions" rather than part of the regular menu of activities. Some people prefer those other acts and make them their sole expression of desire in the bedroom. Everyone is different in what they really like and how often they want to do any particular activity.

I have not been with a large number of men, but the ones I have been with have ranged widely in length, width, and even shape/appearance. I can't say that ANY of them were inadequate in any way.

She has not indicated this is an issue, but if you want to give her a feeling of being "fuller" than you can provide, there are other things you can do to give this to her. I'm sure you can figure out what these things are.

You should NOT feel insecure at all, but just stay open to experimenting with even more ways to express your love to her. If this were an issue for her, she would have (or should have) said no to your proposal. Since it's not an issue for her, don't let it become an obsessive issue for you.
Wonderwoman402...I totally agree with you.
 
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vass2009 is offline vass2009 Post #5  July 11,2009, 3:14pm
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I am mostly satisfied after sex, until I found this out.
I want to be sure that she is. I think she is. Just feel like my manhood has been kicked in the teeth a little, well a lot actually. i was completely honest and open with her about my sexual past, things I liked and didnt, and thought she had been. To find out more information now, and to know she has been holding things back a little from me also makes me wonder if I can totally trust her.
She kept this info from me so not to hurt my fellings which I undersatnd, but I just wish she was a little more open and honest about stuff early on in our relationship.
I am not one of those that believes you shouldnt talk about past partners, I think if you are going to marry someone you (and they)are entitled to know a little bit about their sexual history. We both did speak about this, and went and had STD tests togethor etc, and I think its better to be open and honest than hide things.
I just really dont know what im going to do from here...
 
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kat5560 is offline kat5560 Post #6  July 11,2009, 3:27pm
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she said it hurt at first, but she liked it after awhile.
i may be wrong,,, but since i am sure she did not like being hurt,,, my take on this would be that he was to big for her, and it hurt, but that she adapted over time so she could enjoy it.
she is not saying your not normal or average or even a little bigger. all i heard was that were too big.

tell her if it is bothering you that much and let her try to explain better. tell her it upset you because it made you feel inferior.
i dout she would be marrying you if she was not very happy with you.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #7  July 11,2009, 3:28pm
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Getting tested for STDs is a smart thing to do. Talking about what sex acts you performed with past partners is NOT. She did not "hide" anything from you... you really just did not need to know all the details. You really didn't, and your feelings now are the prime example why.

My best partner was the one I had the greatest emotional attachment to. He rocked my world many, many times over. He was neither the largest nor smallest I have ever been with, nor the roughest or gentlest. As Goldilocks would say, he was "just right."

As you said, you are entitled to know "a little bit" about past sexual history. This does NOT include exactly how many partners, exactly what acts were perfomed, and the sizes of each parther. It is a terribly bad idea to "go there." You should recognize that now.

When a sex partner does something that really blows your mind, you shouldn't be thinking "I wonder where she learned that?" but be thinking "Damm, I'm a luck guy to have found her!" Likewise, you should not be thinking every time you are intimate whether you measured up to some past love of hers. If he were that great, she'd be with him, not you.

If she is satisfied (and you have NO reason to believe she's not) and you are satisfied, there is no problem and you should NOT be obsessing about what her sex life was like before you.
 
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vass2009 is offline vass2009 Post #8  July 11,2009, 3:56pm
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Thanks Wonderwoman402. I know you are right. I suppose it a guy thing but you are correct I need to stop obsessing. I did not ask about this - it just came up recently. I know we all have a past - me included, and certainly dont judge her because of it. Apart from this very monior thing and my bruised ego we are really very good togethor so Im just going to get on with things.
Thanks again for your advice and being candid with me - I really appreciate it
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #9  July 11,2009, 4:06pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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OK...the best I can do for advice is this: man-up. You're feeling insecure. Fine. There are a lot more important things in life than this feeling and you can either be stifled and held back by it....or you can move on. I don't mean to deny to yourself that you have this feeling...but keep living your life and keep moving beyond it. Your feelings aren't the be-all and end-all of life. Acknowledge them...but get on with your life.
 
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JDavid is offline JDavid Post #10  July 11,2009, 4:23pm
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From a man's point of view: Listen to these ladies -- particularly Wonder Woman. They tell it like it is. Stop obsessing -- regain your confidence and go on. I have never known a woman who equated size with satisfaction.
 
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