TWLIGHT is offline TWLIGHT Post #1  July 9,2009, 6:42pm
TWLIGHT's Avatar

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 1

See profile

I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 3 YEARS AND ITS BEEN UP AND DOWN SINCE DAY ONE. WE HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON AND CHANGES ARE NOT IN THE PICTURE I AM 11 YEARS OLDER AND HE WANTS TO BE WHERE I HAVE ALREADY BEEN YET HE TELLS ME WHEN WE GOT TOGETHER AGE DONT MATTER.NOW HE IS GONE AGAIN FOR THE AT LEAST DOZEN TIME AND I REALLY FEEL LOST....
 
  Reply With Quote
j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #2  July 10,2009, 3:55pm
j0hn8andy's Avatar

.....yes, she.....Sweeps past softly, without a sigh.....

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2009

California

Posts: 5,104

See profile

So, what are you asking? Do you want permission to divorce him? Do you want us to tell you to stick it out? Make the best of things?

I'm unclear...
 
  Reply With Quote
tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #3  July 10,2009, 4:29pm
tweet37's Avatar

has all the tools and can........satisfy

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2008

New Jersey

Posts: 7,608

See profile

TWLIGHT wrote :
I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 3 YEARS AND ITS BEEN UP AND DOWN SINCE DAY ONE.
Are the ups and downs under the covers?
 
  Reply With Quote
Icouldwriteabook is offline Icouldwriteabook Post #4  July 10,2009, 5:54pm
Icouldwriteab…'s Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Jan 2009

Denver, Colorado

Posts: 540

See profile

You are not asking a question at all and it sounds like you just really need someone to talk to.

We really do not know hardly any of the circumstances and it sounds like you may be very depressed and at the very least feeling hopeless.

What you are needing is really beyond what we can help you with here other than maybe a little moral support.

I would suggest counseling, if he won't go, go alone, if you can't afford it, talk to someone at your church, if you don't go to church, join one. I don't mean that callously but in all sincerity.
 
  Reply With Quote
IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #5  July 10,2009, 6:42pm
IcecreamMoon's Avatar

Nothing to see here at all...

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 2,847

See profile

Unfortunately, this is the real danger of significant age differences in reationships - people go through different stages of their lives, which may not blend together.

I would recommend you use this break to FIND yourself and your own footing in life. Do some soul-searching of your own. And do NOT let him back into your life until both of you are done with your respective soul-searchings.

Then you can sit down and calmly discuss if you can find a common road to travel, again, and start from the new beginning. Counseling may or may not be required at this stage, depending on your situation and your individual findings.

Living lost and alone is not the answer for either of you. You need firgure out whether you can be found and together or found and apart.

I hope it all works out for the best, for both of you.
Best of luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #6  July 10,2009, 7:21pm

Veteran

Joined: Mar 2009

East Coast

Posts: 1,079

See profile

IcecreamMoon wrote :
Unfortunately, this is the real danger of significant age differences in reationships - people go through different stages of their lives, which may not blend together.

I would recommend you use this break to FIND yourself and your own footing in life. Do some soul-searching of your own. And do NOT let him back into your life until both of you are done with your respective soul-searchings.

Then you can sit down and calmly discuss if you can find a common road to travel, again, and start from the new beginning. Counseling may or may not be required at this stage, depending on your situation and your individual findings.

Living lost and alone is not the answer for either of you. You need firgure out whether you can be found and together or found and apart.

I hope it all works out for the best, for both of you.
Best of luck!

My Dear Dr. Ice cream,
What is the basis for your conclusions? Since she did not ask a question nor did she state any facts. How did arrive at your assumptions?

Harvey7.
 
  Reply With Quote
pds857 is offline pds857 Post #7  July 10,2009, 8:12pm
pds857's Avatar

Have Mercy! Its sure been a Long time!

Enthusiast

Joined: Jun 2009

Ky

Posts: 759

See profile

This feels like you really jus need to talk to someone you trust.

We cant really give you good advice one way or the other since we are not privy to your marriage every second of the day.
What I'm tryin to say is that there are two sides to every story and it wouldnt be fair of us to judge your status with little to no information.
Its your marriage darlin, if it dont make you happy then find a way to make your self happy, but I would suggest that you not let this fella treat you in a way that makes you sad.
Love your self enough to seek help from a professional, or do somethin to make ya self happy, with or with out him, its all your choice.
 
  Reply With Quote
redevil999 is offline redevil999 Post #8  July 10,2009, 8:14pm
redevil999's Avatar

Please say trick! Please say trick!!

Veteran

Joined: Dec 2008

North Carolina

Posts: 2,083

See profile

tweet37 wrote :
Are the ups and downs under the covers?
 
  Reply With Quote
Nylit is offline Nylit Post #9  July 10,2009, 8:59pm
Nylit's Avatar

can't sleep.

Enthusiast

Joined: Jul 2009

Southern USA

Posts: 729

See profile

Heck,, it took me 15 years to figure out what I wanted,, I can't even begin to fathom what you need. I do think talking this out with a person you trust and with him is the way to go. Sometimes putting everything out in the open to him will help him see what he needs also and yall can go from there. I sincerely don't think anyone here would want to tell you what you should do other than to seek professional help or talk it out with him.
I do wish you the best, I too, have been there.
 
  Reply With Quote
IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #10  July 10,2009, 9:43pm
IcecreamMoon's Avatar

Nothing to see here at all...

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 2,847

See profile

Harvey7 wrote :
My Dear Dr. Ice cream,
What is the basis for your conclusions? Since she did not ask a question nor did she state any facts. How did arrive at your assumptions?

Harvey7.
My Dearest Dr. Harvey,
Would you pease be so kind as to be more specific and point out my assumptions, which you obviously disagree with?

The way I see it, I only re-stated the facts provided in the OP and offered a solution, which in my opinion, can successfully solve the crisis in the marriage, that has been going on for 3 years now.

The only other possible solutions I see in this scenario are -
1. Run after the husband who is on a runaway train to nowhere;
2. Dump the runaway husband and his train without attempting to solve the problem;
3. Hire some pronography flying ducks and send them to catch the nowhere train.

Something tells me that I aready know your personal selection of advice on offer in this situation

But I assume that if the OP was choosing between the 3 options above, she would not be here asking for advice. This is the only assumption I made, when offering my particular brand of friendly advice.

And yet, I still love your paricular brand of cool but well-meaning insanity, even when it is presented in the all-agressive color Red
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« once the spark is gone does it "really" ever come back? | Relationships | confusion?in a relationship what does it mean? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Absolutely not. I have no idea why allowing gays to marry would affect anyone's lives, unless they're sexually insecure about themselves.” –  sun73

Join the “Did our President give up the election for a single issue?” discussion

“I learned that the woman's communication style has to fit mine or else it won't work.” –  sun73

Join the “Why do 40 yr olds still play games?” discussion

“Here's where to email if you think a match might be a fraud: matchconcerns@eharmony.com . Tell them the match's name and location so they can find them. If what's making you suspicious is an email ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“I know you clarified you just want a general opinion on when people bring this subject up, but I'm going to give you both that and also what I believe you should do. The general idea most of the ... ” –  Herkemer

Join the “When is it time to discuss your position on having kids?” discussion

“And that's a very valid point. I get the feeling that eHarmony is keeping their price high to show they they are not cheap and therefore, their members are serious.It seems to me that combining the ... ” –  MicMan

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“How long have you all been on EH? Thanks for the advice. I signed on in late April 2012 but have been on other dating sites in the past.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “New Here” discussion

“The only one that bothers me is the "they weren't his kids so meh ..." But there could be a whole world of story behind that. Like "she dumped me and it was painful and I hated losing the kids in ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:05pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0