ahkelteke25 is offline ahkelteke25 Post #1  July 9,2009, 1:52pm
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I started hanging out with an ex recently. We have kept it casual, spending our time together talking, chilling in front of the TV or on the beach, and going Dutch for lunch. I feel like I have gotten to know him really well in these last two months... better than I ever knew him while we were together. He told me he felt I knew him better than anyone, including his friends. He seems interested in starting things up again, but one thing confuses me: he has not made a single move!

Having a past, it is not as though we have never made physical contact. In these last two months, however, we have not hugged, snuggled, kissed, or anything! It just seems so strange -- he never used to be shy about making moves before!

He has touched my knee, sat close to me on the couch under a blanket, leaned his head on my shoulder for a split five seconds, shared his food/drink with me, and touched my ankle. Last night, when we said good-night -- we were on the floor -- he reached for my leg and said, "Drive safe. Get home alright. Thanks for coming over."

What does he want: friendship or a relationship? I realize the best way to get an answer to that question is to ask him, but he is the sort of guy that would mumble something incoherent and ridden with "um's" and "uh's." He's never been good with words. I feel like I'm in high school again with one or the both of us too shy to make a move!

Is he interested? Why in the world is he waiting so long to make a move if he is interested? Is he trying to preserve his single status, knowing that with physical contact comes some sort of commitment? Thank you for any advice or words of wisdom. I feel so silly... but oh well! Maybe we never lose those silly high school insecurities when it comes to relationships!

ADDITION: Our last relationship ended about a year ago. We did not speak during that year. We ended things because I felt he was not willing to fully invest in the relationship (i.e. commit). I was the one who broke things off, but I was crushed. Since then, I have seen a lot of positive changes in my ex, but whether or not he is capable of commiting is still at question.
Last edited by ahkelteke25; July 9,2009 at 2:12pm. Reason: More details.
 
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pamcam is offline pamcam Post #2  July 9,2009, 2:06pm
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The important question to ask is, "What do YOU want and what are your feelings?"

I'm curious, how long ago was this relationship and how/why/who ended it?
Has each of you grown much since then?

As a side note, I don't agree w/ your thinking in that "w/ physical contact comes commitment."
Last edited by pamcam; July 9,2009 at 2:11pm.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #3  July 9,2009, 2:11pm
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Yes , good question...why did you split in the first place and for how long? How long did you go out before? So your hanging out like friends? It looks like if he has no interest in affection here, maybe... if.... you make the first move you will get,... at best............ "friends with benefits", otherwise he would get and feel closer to you
pamcam wrote :
The important question to ask is, "What do YOU want and what are your feelings?"

I'm curious, how long ago was this relationship and how/why/who ended it?
Has each of you grown much since then?
 
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WYskywatcher is offline WYskywatcher Post #4  July 9,2009, 2:25pm
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ahkelteke25 wrote :
What does he want: friendship or a relationship? I realize the best way to get an answer to that question is to ask him, but he is the sort of guy that would mumble something incoherent and ridden with "um's" and "uh's." He's never been good with words. I feel like I'm in high school again with one or the both of us too shy to make a move!

Is he interested? Why in the world is he waiting so long to make a move if he is interested? Is he trying to preserve his single status, knowing that with physical contact comes some sort of commitment? Thank you for any advice or words of wisdom. I feel so silly... but oh well! Maybe we never lose those silly high school insecurities when it comes to relationships!
Afraid the only way you are going to get answers to those questions is to sit down with him and ask him straight out. Talk about what he is looking for in a relationship. What's different about the two of you now as opposed to before, when things didn't work out? Have your life goals and/or relationship expectations changed?, etc.


Sounds like he is either, (a) not interested in an exclusive relationship with you and instead, is just enjoying your company OR (b) He is interested but is extremely gun-shy because of lingering hurt from your previous break-up.

Either way, best way to address this is straight on. You're going to have to communicate (with words)!

Good luck!
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #5  July 9,2009, 2:31pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Don't be too sure he's changed. Now he won't even commit to physical contact.
 
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treeye is offline treeye Post #6  July 9,2009, 3:30pm
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it doesn't sound right.
I've gone out with a guy for three months, he never initiated physical contact, not even a hug. two possible answers: 1. he is gay. 2. he's not capable of emotional and physical intimacy. neither is good.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #7  July 9,2009, 4:06pm
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Maybe the fact that you broke up with him is what's holding him back. From his point of view, why would he want to go through that again?
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #8  July 9,2009, 5:07pm

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Dear OP,

I feel like I can relate to this. I would caution you - until he can commit up, don't go anywhere near a romantic relationship.

It is not like you need the "dating time" to get to know each other - you have already been there, done that. And until his actions, on his own - without any incentive or suggesting from you - shows that he wants a committment, I would assume he has not changed.

Good luck. I know how much it sucks to know you could have something great but for only if.....
 
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Atlguy38 is offline Atlguy38 Post #9  July 9,2009, 5:09pm
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I second MrRight's answer.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #10  July 9,2009, 6:13pm
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I'm REALLY confused...

You posted Are We Over? today about the guy you've been seeing for 2 years, your first real love (most women know the meaning of that!) whom you would never cheat on.

Now this about the ex.

Are these 2 different guys???

You don't want to know what I think!
 
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