Blackhawks is offline Blackhawks Post #1  July 5,2009, 8:41pm
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The woman I have been seeing, dating or what ever else you can call it, called me on the phone Tuesday night and told me right know she is just looking for a friend ship with me, she is a divorced singlke mom of three kids, working a full time job and struggling with herself, kids and work. She told me she is just not ready for a relationship, she told my friend that she still likes me and cares about me and that there is no one else in her life, and that she hopes i understand that she just isnt ready. So where do I go from here? We have a history together, we have been togehter on and off for the past 2 1/2 yrs, the first time we dated was for 15 months, and got back together in Nov 08 till this past Tuesday.

Just looking for some advice on what to do or how to handle thus issue? Thanks!!
 
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chrlesmd is offline chrlesmd Post #2  July 7,2009, 4:04pm
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I guess the question is, how much do you care about her? If you care about her and want to be with her, then give her some time.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #3  July 7,2009, 4:10pm
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Blackhawks wrote :
The woman I have been seeing, dating or what ever else you can call it, called me on the phone Tuesday night and told me right know she is just looking for a friend ship with me, she is a divorced singlke mom of three kids, working a full time job and struggling with herself, kids and work. She told me she is just not ready for a relationship, she told my friend that she still likes me and cares about me and that there is no one else in her life, and that she hopes i understand that she just isnt ready. So where do I go from here? We have a history together, we have been togehter on and off for the past 2 1/2 yrs, the first time we dated was for 15 months, and got back together in Nov 08 till this past Tuesday.

Just looking for some advice on what to do or how to handle thus issue? Thanks!!
When people are not ready for a relationship, either they mean they're not really ready for a relationship, or they're just not that into you and don't think you're the one.

Either way, what you need to do, and this will be tough, is to accept the fact that she's not available for a relationship. Next, try to go out there and find someone who IS available.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #4  July 7,2009, 4:48pm
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Blackhawks wrote :
The woman I have been seeing, dating or what ever else you can call it, called me on the phone Tuesday night and told me right know she is just looking for a friend ship with me, she is a divorced singlke mom of three kids, working a full time job and struggling with herself, kids and work. She told me she is just not ready for a relationship, she told my friend that she still likes me and cares about me and that there is no one else in her life, and that she hopes i understand that she just isnt ready. So where do I go from here? We have a history together, we have been togehter on and off for the past 2 1/2 yrs, the first time we dated was for 15 months, and got back together in Nov 08 till this past Tuesday.

Just looking for some advice on what to do or how to handle thus issue? Thanks!!



Is this de-ja vu? It sounds terribly familiar. Are you the one who posted the same story a couple days back? She's got a couple teen-agers?

My advice then is my advice now. She probably wants a husband! 2 1/2 years is plenty of time to know if you want to marry her or just waste her time...

Did you think it would be different with this post?

LOL
 
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AustinShaguar is offline AustinShaguar Post #5  July 7,2009, 6:26pm
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IMHO, the only thing that matters is she doesn't want a relationship with you as her SO. Move on and find someone who does. You can always remain friends or friendly. Did UFO's fly over your area and abduct all the eligible women like they did over in my neck of the woods? If not, move or else grab her before the aliens beam her up.
 
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Marsgal is offline Marsgal Post #6  July 7,2009, 7:01pm
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Wow...I am with most of the advice everyone has been giving. My two-cents would be this, as a woman, if I said that to a man, ESPECIALLY after 2 1/2 years (irregardless of the on and offs..), swallow your pride, and move on. She knows where to find you if she sincerely wants to have more than a 'friendship'. By then it may be too late, but I believe that is the freedom you need to give her. Find someone that wants to truly receive the love that you have to give! Good luck!!
 
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AustinShaguar is offline AustinShaguar Post #7  July 7,2009, 7:21pm
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Sink another 2.5 years into it or cut your losses and be 1.5 years into a wonderful long term relationship at the same end point? Hmmmmm, decisions, decisions.
 
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connie74 is offline connie74 Post #8  July 7,2009, 8:39pm
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I can definitely respect her honesty. If what you want is more than just a "friendship" maybe you should give her space to discover what she wants. But honestly I don't think you should put your life on hold. Maybe if she see's you backing off she wont take for granted the fact that you'll always be there. I'm not saying run off and find someone new, I would just honor her wishes and be that "friend" she needs. You never know what you might discover about yourself during this time.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #9  July 8,2009, 1:25am
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I would simply take her word for it.
Why would she directly tell you that she wasn't interested if she was? You are mature adults.

If, at some later stage, she feels ready and wants to try again, and you are still available and willing to give it another chance as well, you can discuss it then.

For now, I would recommend you put this relationship behind you and try to move on with your life. And it is completely your call to decide when you are ready to start seeing other women. Just please do not wait for this one with baited breath for she may never come back at all.

Good luck and hope it all works out for the best!
 
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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #10  July 8,2009, 7:41am
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IcecreamMoon wrote :
I would simply take her word for it.
Why would she directly tell you that she wasn't interested if she was? You are mature adults.

If, at some later stage, she feels ready and wants to try again, and you are still available and willing to give it another chance as well, you can discuss it then.

For now, I would recommend you put this relationship behind you and try to move on with your life. And it is completely your call to decide when you are ready to start seeing other women. Just please do not wait for this one with baited breath for she may never come back at all.

Good luck and hope it all works out for the best!
Absolutely! I might add that even though I am the utmost worst at "reading" things said to me, consider these possibilities:
Whether she means to or not, is test of your reaction
SHE HAS KIDS and is worried for them... people do get nervous especially for their children
She needs to slow down / step back and reevaluate her goals

If you've read my other posts, you might guess what I would recommend....
Communicate Communicate Communicate
 
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