aingr is offline aingr Post #21  July 7,2009, 7:36am
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I have posted further clarifications about my first post, but havent gotten on here yet. So there may be two on about my op.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #22  July 7,2009, 7:54am
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I think he told you the cold hard truth that he was not ready for a LTR. Since it seems you are looking for someone who is interested in a LTR I would forget this guy and move on. Good luck
 
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aingr is offline aingr Post #23  July 7,2009, 9:00am
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angelofmerci wrote :
I think he told you the cold hard truth that he was not ready for a LTR. Since it seems you are looking for someone who is interested in a LTR I would forget this guy and move on. Good luck

Yeah I have, I smart enough to know when something isn't going to work. Just wanted some opinions from others about my experience.
 
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ShainaKay is offline ShainaKay Post #24  July 8,2009, 10:53pm
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aingr wrote :
I met a guy on eh on a free weekend back in March. We talked a few times before meeting and when we met we had easy conversation. He initially said that he just wanted a friend because he had recently divorced, about 2 years ago. I was cool with being friends, then after we had gotten together a few times he made the relationship intimate. So for me that said a lot. We didn't have sex right away, but he did tell me early on that he couldnt make a commitment because he isn't over his ex wife and doesn't want to be hurt and rejected again. I assumed that I was the only one he was seeing, wrong! He says he is in his dating mode and is with more women than me. I was really hurt by this mainly I guess is because I developed feelings for him even though I was trying very hard not too because of what he has told me about his past. I know that a lot of people on eh date more than one person at a time, but I assumed otherwise because I don't date more than one person at a time. But I am new to eh, so I don't know what I will do if I do meet more than one man at a time. So far he is the only one I have met because I have kids and that scares off other men before they even meet me. I just hope that I am doing the right thing by not communicating with him because we want different things. I really liked him and thought we had really hit it off. He has agreed with me on this, but then he is not ready to commit. He just keeps saying how confused he is and how he cannot understand why his marriage ended, and I am sure that he still has feelings for his ex wife. They have a daughter together so he stills has alot of contact with her. People just say that if we were meant to be together we will. But dont know if I should waste anymore of my time trying.



Here's my story: I met a guy over two years ago who had a baby that was 2 at the time with his ex girlfriend. We were together for a year and a half, with constant problems from his baby momma. But the whole time he said he couldn't stand her and she wasn't an issue. I believed him and basically became a second mom to his daughter. Then this past december things started getting real weird. We had a house together and everything, then when I went home, three hours away, to visit family on new years, he broke up with me and told me not to come back. When I asked why, he said he wants to be with his baby momma again and there's no way that he would change his mind. I drove up there that night to get my stuff because I was in shock and didn't want my stuff there. He told me he lied about wanting her back, but just needed time alone. He played around with my head for months afterwards, while I was in that depressed, vulnerable state that many of us know all too well. He still said he loved me and wanted to be with me, just needed time. I unfortunately gave him that time until I received an email from his baby momma saying they'd been living together for two months and had been together since before new years, meaning he had cheated on me. He then tried to deny anything he had said to me since december after he found out she was communicating with me. It all blew up in his face, and then she took him back and they are living in the house we had gotten together. But the point is, when a kid is involved and two people with that plus history are in contact constantly, there is always that chance that they would be together again, and someone will unfortunately get brought into the mess and be the one hurt in the end. It's hard to realize that you just weren't the one for him, but it is true: if you two were meant to be together, you would be together. There wouldn't be any waiting around. And the thing is, if this is a problem now, do you think that if you two were ever together again, it wouldn't be a problem sometime then too? And it wouldn't be in the back of your head that he secretly wanted to be with her because of their history and the child? If he is wondering why his marriage ended with her, he still wants her, otherwise he wouldn't care at all. You, along with everyone else, deserves to be with someone who makes you happy. Not someone that has you wondering if they want you or not and consuming all your energy that could be used for something better. You could be missing out on someone that will make you happy by waiting around for him. I say, let it go. Even if he wants you back some other time, it's not worth it. You need someone that can give just you their attention, and not another woman too. I hope this helps!! Never settle for anything less than what you truly deserve.
 
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aingr is offline aingr Post #25  July 9,2009, 7:27am
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ShainaKay wrote :


Here's my story: I met a guy over two years ago who had a baby that was 2 at the time with his ex girlfriend. We were together for a year and a half, with constant problems from his baby momma. But the whole time he said he couldn't stand her and she wasn't an issue. I believed him and basically became a second mom to his daughter. Then this past december things started getting real weird. We had a house together and everything, then when I went home, three hours away, to visit family on new years, he broke up with me and told me not to come back. When I asked why, he said he wants to be with his baby momma again and there's no way that he would change his mind. I drove up there that night to get my stuff because I was in shock and didn't want my stuff there. He told me he lied about wanting her back, but just needed time alone. He played around with my head for months afterwards, while I was in that depressed, vulnerable state that many of us know all too well. He still said he loved me and wanted to be with me, just needed time. I unfortunately gave him that time until I received an email from his baby momma saying they'd been living together for two months and had been together since before new years, meaning he had cheated on me. He then tried to deny anything he had said to me since december after he found out she was communicating with me. It all blew up in his face, and then she took him back and they are living in the house we had gotten together. But the point is, when a kid is involved and two people with that plus history are in contact constantly, there is always that chance that they would be together again, and someone will unfortunately get brought into the mess and be the one hurt in the end. It's hard to realize that you just weren't the one for him, but it is true: if you two were meant to be together, you would be together. There wouldn't be any waiting around. And the thing is, if this is a problem now, do you think that if you two were ever together again, it wouldn't be a problem sometime then too? And it wouldn't be in the back of your head that he secretly wanted to be with her because of their history and the child? If he is wondering why his marriage ended with her, he still wants her, otherwise he wouldn't care at all. You, along with everyone else, deserves to be with someone who makes you happy. Not someone that has you wondering if they want you or not and consuming all your energy that could be used for something better. You could be missing out on someone that will make you happy by waiting around for him. I say, let it go. Even if he wants you back some other time, it's not worth it. You need someone that can give just you their attention, and not another woman too. I hope this helps!! Never settle for anything less than what you truly deserve.
Thanks for your telling of your experience, sorry to hear it. But yes I know that I cannot be with him for a number of reasons, and yes I have not communicated with him for over 3 weeks. He is all broke up because his wife left him emontionally before the marriage was over. So I did understand that from the first time I had met him because the father of my kids is acting the same way he is, I left him because we didn't get along and I no longer have feelings for him. I only knew his side of his divorce so I don't know all that went on. I just would tell him that he needed to talk to someone like his pastor to help him sort things out before he hurts more people and himself. But it is no longer a worry for me. The other day I sent a final email letting him know my final thoughts and to wish him well in the future. I have writen a few follow posts because some on here seem to think I am some kind of slut that sleeps around and brings my kids into bad situations but they have not appeared yet and its been a few days. Thanks for sharing.
 
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aingr is offline aingr Post #26  July 9,2009, 10:19am
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aingr wrote :
Well all thanks for the comments. Just wanted to say that I didn't just jump right into bed with the guy. He was the one that drew the line at kissing, we had sex once and that didnt come until about 2 months later. The first time I was at his place and we did alot of kissing and I said that I wasnt ready to go any further, the next day he sends me this email saying that he cannot make any commitments right now. So I wrote back telling him that I don't sleep around because I thought that he was mad because I didnt have sex with him. He wrote back saying that he didnt want me to take it that way, and I had told him that all I wanted was monogamy and he would say I know. He didnt tell me he was going out with other women until I asked him, because I got suspicious. He was sending me mixed messages so I cannot be the one to blame about moving into things too fast. He was the one who wanted to begin as friends as he told me. He was the one who started the kissing and holding hands, meeting for lunch ecetra. So he turned the tables on me I was just fine being a friend. I didnt start having feelings for him until the makeout sessions. I just dont want anyone thinking that I am some kind of slut and that I bring my kids into situations that are bad for them, because I dont. He is hiding all this from his family and his daughter. I never met her, I couldnt come around when she was with him. He did meet my kids, we went for a walk, but my kids are too young to know right now. Other than that, my kids were at home with my parents. I told him what I was looking for and he was the one that wasnt honest with me.
Both of posts say basically same thing, thought this one was lost because it took days to post so I wrote another.
 
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jleen is offline jleen Post #27  July 12,2009, 7:11am
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Dear Aingr,
My first take on your post was not negative in that way....I never thought you acted like a slut... so please don't worry about that.

A couple of weeks ago I just ended a 2 year relationship with someone who made all sorts of promises that he never kept - it put me through hell actually. And at the end of the 2 years - I felt that, ultimately, I had only myself to blame... only because I should have dumped him 1.5 years ago when he made the first promise and broke it.

It is terrible to be involved with someone who is emotionally unhealthy. For me.. I have read a number of dating advice books in the past couple of weeks - for me - this has helped a lot.
I think I am smarter now and will not be fooled again.
I hope you find a great guy soon!!! Jleen.
 
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