estee is offline estee Post #11  July 5,2009, 1:22pm
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[quote=Harvey7;663203]

You have to be smarter for yourself and for your child and you must also accept responsibility for your actions, sex with a partner is a two people sport. Just be wiser in the future and learn to make better decisions in the future.

i do agree with this
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #12  July 5,2009, 1:22pm
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aingr wrote :
I met a guy on eh on a free weekend back in March. We talked a few times before meeting and when we met we had easy conversation. He initially said that he just wanted a friend because he had recently divorced, about 2 years ago. I was cool with being friends, then after we had gotten together a few times he made the relationship intimate. So for me that said a lot. We didn't have sex right away, but he did tell me early on that he couldnt make a commitment because he isn't over his ex wife and doesn't want to be hurt and rejected again. I assumed that I was the only one he was seeing, wrong! He says he is in his dating mode and is with more women than me. I was really hurt by this mainly I guess is because I developed feelings for him even though I was trying very hard not too because of what he has told me about his past. I know that a lot of people on eh date more than one person at a time, but I assumed otherwise because I don't date more than one person at a time. But I am new to eh, so I don't know what I will do if I do meet more than one man at a time. So far he is the only one I have met because I have kids and that scares off other men before they even meet me. I just hope that I am doing the right thing by not communicating with him because we want different things. I really liked him and thought we had really hit it off. He has agreed with me on this, but then he is not ready to commit. He just keeps saying how confused he is and how he cannot understand why his marriage ended, and I am sure that he still has feelings for his ex wife. They have a daughter together so he stills has alot of contact with her. People just say that if we were meant to be together we will. But dont know if I should waste anymore of my time trying.
I think some of the people here are being too harsh on the guy. He told you early that he was in dating mode and he was seeing more than 1 person. The guy just got divorced and he wants to date around. I don't see what the problems is.
 
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estee is offline estee Post #13  July 5,2009, 1:47pm
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KungFuFtr wrote :
I think some of the people here are being too harsh on the guy. He told you early that he was in dating mode and he was seeing more than 1 person. The guy just got divorced and he wants to date around. I don't see what the problems is.

Dear,...this is not like being harsh. if he wants to get involved in more date, then he should not play with someone's else emotion and even going further to have sex, and after all that fun thing, he then come and say,..hmmm as you can see i haven't gotten over my ex- wife divorce and am still into more date!,..hello there,.. what's all that for?
 
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jleen is offline jleen Post #14  July 5,2009, 2:04pm
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Dear Aingr, I just read your question one more time and I noticed that you said you "assumed" you were the only one he was dating, you also mentioned that he was not wanting to get into a committed relationship.. but you guys had sex (...sorry... but I think that having sex with him was a big mistake). In my opinion... before you have sex with any guy he must make it clear to you that you are committed / exclusive item !!! My advice to you is to listen to your head and your intution more ... and let your heart follow. I hope that helps. Take Care, Jleen
 
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olneyjeeps is offline olneyjeeps Post #15  July 5,2009, 4:04pm
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jleen wrote :
Steve, Thank you for your comments and personal accounts. But.. let us imagine this guy - he sees a woman he likes (online or otherwise) - he is nervous and of course afraid of rejection - but he makes a move and introduces himself anyways. To his delight - the woman responds in a positive way. Then.. after a first date - he might try to kiss her goodnight (experiences the same fears etc) and again - she responds positively... etc and it goes on. Eventually this guys risk taking muscles are getting a great workout - he is getting more and more confident. And one day...if he really 'likes' her (and he knows that she really 'likes' him)...his strength will be put to the ultimate test when he decides that he wants to ask her to marry him!... So... this is kind of why I think it is important for the guy to make the first move. Jleen
So women should be counted on as being nothing but gutless acceptors of fate (ok that was a bit cruel, but what ever happend to EQUALITY!!!!...)?
 
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saltndlight is offline saltndlight Post #16  July 5,2009, 4:57pm
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Hello:
From my past bad relationships i learned some (thank God).So i learned to not let men hurt me: i will not give myself too much until i marry.I will give myself to my husband-point!!
If you're a Christian i have this saying: The ONE God has for me will not hurt my heart!
I also learned if you are ready for Love and you meet someone who is not ready for Love then you are going out with the wrong person.-point!
Love is only worth it when both people are committed to he same point.
So don't let yourself be hurt, move on with your life, be happy, make your best, and if the guy realizes you are worth it, let him chase you a bit, it will make him no arm .
Have a good dating life)
 
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aingr is offline aingr Post #17  July 5,2009, 5:53pm
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Well all thanks for the comments. Just wanted to say that I didn't just jump right into bed with the guy. He was the one that drew the line at kissing, we had sex once and that didnt come until about 2 months later. The first time I was at his place and we did alot of kissing and I said that I wasnt ready to go any further, the next day he sends me this email saying that he cannot make any commitments right now. So I wrote back telling him that I don't sleep around because I thought that he was mad because I didnt have sex with him. He wrote back saying that he didnt want me to take it that way, and I had told him that all I wanted was monogamy and he would say I know. He didnt tell me he was going out with other women until I asked him, because I got suspicious. He was sending me mixed messages so I cannot be the one to blame about moving into things too fast. He was the one who wanted to begin as friends as he told me. He was the one who started the kissing and holding hands, meeting for lunch ecetra. So he turned the tables on me I was just fine being a friend. I didnt start having feelings for him until the makeout sessions. I just dont want anyone thinking that I am some kind of slut and that I bring my kids into situations that are bad for them, because I dont. He is hiding all this from his family and his daughter. I never met her, I couldnt come around when she was with him. He did meet my kids, we went for a walk, but my kids are too young to know right now. Other than that, my kids were at home with my parents. I told him what I was looking for and he was the one that wasnt honest with me.
Last edited by aingr; July 9,2009 at 10:17am. Reason: delete
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #18  July 5,2009, 6:23pm
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I can't judge this guy because I haven't met him. It could be any number of things. I like you have never understood the idea of dating others if you are planning to see the same person more than once. I mean it is one thing to date a different woman each week until you find the one that you want to go on multiple dates with; however, to go on multiple dates with multiple different women (and it sounds like that just might be what he is doing) is something that I wouldn't do nor do I completely understand that train of thought.

With that said, it sounds to me like for whatever reason he isn't going to settle down. I am not going to judge him for it, but you shouldn't have to suffer because of it, if you are looking to settle down with someone and he isn't than you are indeed doing the right thing by not communicating with him. If he decides to come back to you and tells you that he wants to be exclusive with you than perhaps I might give him the chance to prove himself, but I would probably keep my radar on and be warned that perhaps he may cheat on me. But maybe not.
 
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thoom45 is offline thoom45 Post #19  July 6,2009, 2:46am
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logicalmind wrote :
It has been my experience that when a man makes a statement "I do not want a relationship" or "I do not want to make a commitment" what it REALLY MEANS is that they do not want a relationship with you. As hurtful as that is....if someone "better" comes along tomorrow that knocks them off their feet, that guy will not hesitate at jumping into a relationship.
This is by NO MEANS limited to men. Women do exactly the same thing.

"I don't want a relationship right now" is a standard blow-off line for both sexes -- true or not.
 
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aingr is offline aingr Post #20  July 7,2009, 7:25am
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Well I feel that I need to make some clarifications here. I dont want anyone thinking that I am some kind of slut sleeping around and bringing my kids into bad situations, because I dont. He said before we met that he wanted friendship because he is still healing from his divorce. I was perfectly ok with that. I met him a few times before he made the moves on me. And no I didnt jump right into bed with him, we did go as far as what most would say is 3rd base. The first time this happened I said that I didnt want to go further, then the next day he sent an email saying that he couldnt make any commitments right now. I responded that I am not the kind that sleeps around and if that was all he wanted then I was not into that. He responds with I didnt want you to take it that way, because I even said to him that I didn't want to be one of many and he didnt say anything about that so I felt that I was the only one in his life at the moment. I told him a few times that all I wanted was monogamy and he would respond with I know. I was willing to see him even though he mentioned the no commitment because I didnt know he was seeing other people. About 2 months after getting together and doing things together, we had sex, once. After that I got some signals that something wasnt right and I asked him if he was seeing other women besides me. He said that he didnt consider himself "seeing" anyone as he was dating, meaning there are other women in his life. We had a long talk on the phone and I informed him that I cannot be with him if he is intimate with others besides me, because he did admit to it when I asked. I tried to see him again after that but it was to tense for me so now I just stopped communication all together. And another thing is he is hiding all this from his family and his daughter who is 7. I never met her and was not permitted to be around when she was with him. I have told him that he needs to talk to someone, maybe his pastor. He just goes on and on about how confused he is. Also, my kids did meet him once, we took them for a walk, as they are too young to know about other people around them, 3 and 1 1/2. Other than that they were at home with my parents.
 
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