I wanted to try to make it work, but i think i want out...


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soawesome is offline soawesome Post #1  July 1,2009, 11:02pm
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ended a 1 1/2 yr relationship and is sad but dating!

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Many of you gave me sage advise re "him/contradictions" and I took some significant steps in the relationship. He's not happy where we are now because he liked having me falling in love with him. I'm not happy now because it's not as much fun without the potential for love. This sucks! In all honesty I thought the sex was too important to me to give up (after a long draught), but i'm not 25 anymore and i guess getting off isn't all it used to be. All my close friends think that he's going to eventually fall in love with me because i'm not as available as i was initially. Sounds like a silly ploy/manipulation to me. i dont want games - from either of us. I'm not getting hurt - so that's ok, but i'm not falling in love either. Should i ride it out for a while or walk away?
 
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DIVISION is offline DIVISION Post #2  July 1,2009, 11:47pm

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soawesome wrote :
Many of you gave me sage advise re "him/contradictions" and I took some significant steps in the relationship. He's not happy where we are now because he liked having me falling in love with him. I'm not happy now because it's not as much fun without the potential for love. This sucks! In all honesty I thought the sex was too important to me to give up (after a long draught), but i'm not 25 anymore and i guess getting off isn't all it used to be. All my close friends think that he's going to eventually fall in love with me because i'm not as available as i was initially. Sounds like a silly ploy/manipulation to me. i dont want games - from either of us. I'm not getting hurt - so that's ok, but i'm not falling in love either. Should i ride it out for a while or walk away?
It's easy to find sex, but finding a compatible partner for a relationship is alot harder.

I'm not sure why you'd stay in a relationship for sexual purposes when there's no potential for anything longterm.

Seems pointless.

At some point the baggage in a relationship starts to become too much to overcome and there's no such thing as going back in time or "falling in love again".

It's real life, not some soap opera.

Why don't you just meet someone new and move on?
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #3  July 2,2009, 3:53am
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I would definitely move on if he will not commit to you after all this time. It really sounds like more like a friend with benefits thing rather than a healthy progressing relationship. Good luck
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #4  July 2,2009, 4:11am
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Personally, I'd walk away, without a doubt.
Of course, he liked you falling in love with him! Who wouldn't? Especially since he didn't have to do anything in return. He doesn't even have the common decency of wanting to protect your feelings, indulging himself and his enormous ego instead. I don't think he understands the meaning of the word "love", so I seriously doubt he would ever fall in love with you. I'm sorry.

As far as good sex, he is certainly not the only available bachelor! I would concentrate on finding someone, who would either share your feelings, or at least have the decency to enter a friends-with-benefits arrangement on open terms, without exploiting your feelings for him, just for the rush of boosting his own ego.

Best of luck!
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #5  July 2,2009, 6:18am
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I don't know the whole sordid story. But it sounds like you are unhappy.

I'd pick up my toys & leave him to play with himself!
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #6  July 2,2009, 6:34am
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I found your original post so know the background now. When you first posted, you and he were wanting different things from the relationship yet you were hoping he would change. Both people involved do need to be on the same page whether they decide to just have a casual dating relationship or wish to pursue something more permanent. Now that you understand that he won't change his point of view, the reason for continuing has gone so you feel less inclined to be with him.

I am glad you can see him for what he is. Of course he is unhappy. You've taken some control over the situation and I'm guessing he's not liking it a whole lot. At the end of the day do what's right for you. If that means enjoying a good time with him for a while with no strings attached, then go for it. If it means walking away to find someone who wants a relationship like you do, you have some good memories to take with you. I'm happy that you are seeing him for what he is which makes it so much easier to make a decision.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck!
 
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txbubba is offline txbubba Post #7  July 2,2009, 7:00am

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continue the booty call until you're absolutely sure you're tired of him and are ready to let him go for good
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #8  July 2,2009, 9:23am

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soawesome wrote :
Many of you gave me sage advise re "him/contradictions" and I took some significant steps in the relationship. He's not happy where we are now because he liked having me falling in love with him. I'm not happy now because it's not as much fun without the potential for love. This sucks! In all honesty I thought the sex was too important to me to give up (after a long draught), but i'm not 25 anymore and i guess getting off isn't all it used to be. All my close friends think that he's going to eventually fall in love with me because i'm not as available as i was initially. Sounds like a silly ploy/manipulation to me. i dont want games - from either of us. I'm not getting hurt - so that's ok, but i'm not falling in love either. Should i ride it out for a while or walk away?

Well Sexy Lady,
I believe that familiarity breeds contempt. Somewhere in the relationship your crossed the line from girlfriend and lover to make him or responded to him as a surrogate husband and once he got to know your personal life or business, it all came to a grinding halt except for the sex! Which I assume that you are very skilled at?

Looking at familiarity breeds contempt translates to a lack of respect!
We are beyond who's to blame and how to fix it? I would say, try to find a therapist to discuss your options and possibly inviting him to join you for a few sessions and make a decision on a course of action. If he declines your offer to attend counseling your decision is made for you. Have a Happy 4th. of July.
P.S. Don't discuss your plans with him, just do it!
Harvey7.
Last edited by Harvey7; July 2,2009 at 9:26am.
 
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soawesome is offline soawesome Post #9  July 2,2009, 10:26am
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I love how thoughtful and compassionate you guys are - truly! Thanks for the feedback. 4 move ons - 2 continue booty temporarily - and 1 (as usual Harvey) get therapy and try to make it work. I was very blue yesterday (an unusual state for me). I agree i deserve much more than this. I'm really not sure how i'm going to proceed at this point, but am so grateful for the food for thought. Today is a new day and i feel more joyful and open so am in a better place to take in your feedback and listen to my heart.

Harvey - yes - sex is one of my many strong suites! Interested? Just kidding!
 
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soawesome is offline soawesome Post #10  July 2,2009, 10:36am
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IcecreamMoon wrote :
Of course, he liked you falling in love with him! Who wouldn't? Especially since he didn't have to do anything in return. He doesn't even have the common decency of wanting to protect your feelings, indulging himself and his enormous ego instead. I don't think he understands the meaning of the word "love", so I seriously doubt he would ever fall in love with you. I'm sorry.
I LOVE your righteous anger!!! You make me smile!!
 
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