Separated 3 months and she's already moving in with the new guy.


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OttOn is offline OttOn Post #1  July 1,2009, 5:08am
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My wife and I got Married last september after 4 and a half yearas together. we had a big fight in December and she left to spend a couple of days at her parents' place. I finally got her to come back to work on things, she left again in April and swore it was final, she wanted a divorce. I spent the better part of two months trying to get her back, asking to try marriage couseling, the whole bit. She flat-out refused. After a while of this, trying desperately to understand everything, I asked if she was seeing someone else, she replied not seriously. My heart broke all over again. I knew she was lying. I told her that I still consider us married and that I am not comfortable with her seeing other people.
Last week she told me that I would have to deal with alot of the "house stuff" this week (we sold and it closed yesterday) because she would be away on vacation, when I asked where she was going she said to a cottage with work friends, again I knew she was lying. The day after she left for vacation I discovered that she is planning on moving in with this new guy when his house is ready in August. I also discovered that that she is in fact on vacation with him right now...not at a cottage with friends.
I spoke to her Mother about all of this and she told me that the whole family has know about it for a while and they are all very concerned about her, as am I. She is obviously very vulnerable right now and I can't help but think that this guy is taking advantage of that. Her Mother has pleaded with her to take a little time for herself and figure things out, and even talk to a counselor.
Am I nuts, or is Moving in with some new guy well before the divorce is even final and lying to me about it directly a little irrational? This is obviously a rebound relationship and someone is going to get hurt...I just hope it's not her. I still love her so much.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #2  July 1,2009, 5:29am
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It looks to me like you're going to have to let her go. Irrational or not, she's made up her (willful) mind. You loving her is not enough to make it work.

It won't feel like much consolation, but at least it's early enough in your marriage there are no children involved!

Good luck with your future.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #3  July 1,2009, 5:46am
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Your feelings are completely natual and normal, you are still in love with her.

Unfortunately, her feelings for you have obviously changed. Rebound or not, she has already left your relationship in her heart and in her mind.

As difficult as it sounds, you need to let her go, and try to move on with your own life. I realize it's easier said than done, but I usually find working on a specific project, or developing new hobbies and discovering new friends, who didn't previously know you as a couple, can be beneficial. And old friends are just a necessity.

Best of luck in this tough time
 
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estee is offline estee Post #4  July 1,2009, 6:15am
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I think you still love her by still trying to get her back, but you did not explain what was the cause of the fight that sends her spending some couple of days on her parents house?? so is difficult to tell how the fight began? or probably you were the one who hurt her feeling.
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #5  July 1,2009, 6:24am
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your wife is messed up. but it's not for you to fix.
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #6  July 1,2009, 6:53am
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How many of your very best life-long friends from the 6th grade do you still see ? People come into and leave our lives all the time. She's an adult and made the choice not to be a part of yours. Meddling in her life now will only make her mad and you miserable. Walk away.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #7  July 1,2009, 7:11am

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I believe that your trying to lock the barn door after the horse ran away.
You had four years to try and work things out, but you didn't and she is gone now, that is a fact of life. I am sorry to be so blunt about it.

Lets look at your options? You sold the house and she has moved on with her life with her new boyfriend. At this point in time it would be wise to sit down with a divorce attorney to protect yourself from costly mistakes that you will regret later on. Find a therapist to help you understand that's it over and to help you to move forward with a new life. Your in laws as much as they like you, they love their daughter more and they and probably everyone else that you know are well aware of her cheating, but no one wanted to hurt your feelings so no one told you. The barn is empty now and you have to get on with you life just like your wife did! Sorry.

Harvey7.
 
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OttOn is offline OttOn Post #8  July 1,2009, 7:54am
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Harvey7 wrote :
I believe that your trying to lock the barn door after the horse ran away.
You had four years to try and work things out, but you didn't and she is gone now, that is a fact of life. I am sorry to be so blunt about it.

Lets look at your options? You sold the house and she has moved on with her life with her new boyfriend. At this point in time it would be wise to sit down with a divorce attorney to protect yourself from costly mistakes that you will regret later on. Find a therapist to help you understand that's it over and to help you to move forward with a new life. Your in laws as much as they like you, they love their daughter more and they and probably everyone else that you know are well aware of her cheating, but no one wanted to hurt your feelings so no one told you. The barn is empty now and you have to get on with you life just like your wife did! Sorry.

Harvey7.
Agreed, and I am moving on I will no longer be involved in her life in any way. I just hope for her sake that she thinks this through before she ends up getting hurt feeling the way I do now.
 
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txbubba is offline txbubba Post #9  July 1,2009, 9:00am

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she did this to herself. consider yourself no longer responsible for her.

do not go begging, crying etc to her. suck it up like a man because to you, she no longer exists.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #10  July 1,2009, 9:09am
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txbubba wrote :
she did this to herself. consider yourself no longer responsible for her.

do not go begging, crying etc to her. suck it up like a man because to you, she no longer exists.


At the very least, you will gain respect this way!
You can't save her from herself...
Last edited by j0hn8andy; July 1,2009 at 9:51am.
 
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