how attractted are you (were you) to your wife


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kat5560 is offline kat5560 Post #1  June 29,2009, 10:44pm
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we assume when we see a couple get married that each is feeling a strong or a high attraction for the other. i wonder if this is always the case? (especially with men are always seeming to be seeking a beautiful women and unfortunetly not every women is beautiful. but i think the way someone looks and attraction are two different things.

the question is you guys out there. if you are married or have ever been married,, how high would you say your attraction to your wife was? does being in love ever make it ok for you if you have attraction but it is not super strong? would you marry a women if that was the case?
and what happens if your with a women to whom you are attractted (but not a really high attraction), does it make you struggle with finding yourself more attractted to other women?

i know it sounds like an odd question because i always thought it was just an automatic given. but i had some of my own problems before with this issue, and now my girlfreind called me very upset the other day about this same kind of thing. her and her boyfreind had been talking about marriage. they got on a conversation about attraction and he blurted out to her that he felt attractted to her but not a really high attraction but that he still wants to marry her becuase it does not matter to him if it is really strong or not ,, as long as he feels some attraction to her becuase he also loves her.
what the heck is that??
 
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kat5560 is offline kat5560 Post #2  June 29,2009, 11:09pm
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sorry, i came back to add this question for the women. if you have ever been married, how highly attractted do you think your spouse was to you?
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #3  June 30,2009, 3:34am
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I'll just say that I've been in the same boat as your girlfriend's boyfriend in my second marriage ...and it didn't work out all that well. I was attracted to her, but not "super"-attracted, but I did love her, so we married. I'll be honest, it was hard to be intimate with her after a couple of years because the "super"-attraction wasn't there ...and that, ultimately, was one of the reasons we divorced.

I think the "super"-attraction needs to be there because 5, 10, 20+ years with someone you are only 'mildly' attracted to is a very very long time.
 
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Monica1 is offline Monica1 Post #4  June 30,2009, 3:39am

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Well, I think what he said to her was ABUSIVE and you should tell her. Use that word, abusive. And tell her her entire marriage will be tainted with her not feeling quite good enough, and god only knows how much nastier he is capable of being.
 
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Monica1 is offline Monica1 Post #5  June 30,2009, 3:42am

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BikerBeagle wrote :
I'll just say that I've been in the same boat as your girlfriend's boyfriend in my second marriage ...and it didn't work out all that well. I was attracted to her, but not "super"-attracted, but I did love her, so we married. I'll be honest, it was hard to be intimate with her after a couple of years because the "super"-attraction wasn't there ...and that, ultimately, was one of the reasons we divorced.

I think the "super"-attraction needs to be there because 5, 10, 20+ years with someone you are only 'mildly' attracted to is a very very long time.
I absolutely understand what you are saying, but there is a difference between thinking it and telling that person they are not quite up to par in the looks department for you. Know what I mean? So please don't take offense to my previous post. I'm not saying anyone is an abuser for not being super attracted to the one they love or think they love. I'm saying it's abusive to tell someone they are not good enough, but you will marry them anyway and expect them to marry you.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #6  June 30,2009, 6:32am
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BikerBeagle wrote :
I'll just say that I've been in the same boat as your girlfriend's boyfriend in my second marriage ...and it didn't work out all that well. I was attracted to her, but not "super"-attracted, but I did love her, so we married. I'll be honest, it was hard to be intimate with her after a couple of years because the "super"-attraction wasn't there ...and that, ultimately, was one of the reasons we divorced.

I think the "super"-attraction needs to be there because 5, 10, 20+ years with someone you are only 'mildly' attracted to is a very very long time.

I'm with you here.

First marriage = he was OK, nothing really wrong with him. But when the "thrill" is gone (or never there to begin with), it can be a sham of a marriage.

Second marriage = when he got close to me, I couldn't even breathe, the sex appeal was overwhelming! Head over heels in love... He died, but I can still feel the love.

The best thing I ever did for myself was get out of my first marriage so I could be free to find my second.
 
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jtkdp is offline jtkdp Post #7  June 30,2009, 7:03am
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My ex still turns my head when I see her at a distance, until I realize it's her. I thought she was attractive, and my friends still do, but she kills it with her selfish, abusive personality.
 
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Monica1 is offline Monica1 Post #8  June 30,2009, 8:51am

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jtkdp wrote :
My ex still turns my head when I see her at a distance, until I realize it's her. I thought she was attractive, and my friends still do, but she kills it with her selfish, abusive personality.
Yes, when what is on the inside is not so pretty it sure changes the way one sees someone.
 
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kat5560 is offline kat5560 Post #9  June 30,2009, 8:52am
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the way i see it is that if you have an attraction to the person but it is not a strong attraction,,

that for the man there is always that risk of him finding himself more attractted to many other women. and i would think that would be a struggle for him when he comes home to his wife to whom he only has some attraction for.

and for the women i cant see how it would not always feel hurtful,,,
knowing that it may not be you that he is most strongly attractted to a party, or that no matter how good your fixing yourself up for him that he is not going to be looking you thinking "wow" becuase he is not going to be feeling a "high" attraction. (and i dont mean "wow" like prettiest women in the world,, but rather "wow" i feel really drawn to that and that is what i feel so attractted too). after all, is that not why a women feels so good with a guy and feels the desire to be flirty and sexy and playful with him,,, becuase she knows he is looking at her with such attraction?
Last edited by kat5560; June 30,2009 at 8:56am.
 
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waltercl is offline waltercl Post #10  June 30,2009, 11:54am
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This is just another good reason why it is not good to continue dating someone hoping something will develop when the chemistry is not there early on. You can't build a relationship on sexual attraction alone, but it is like a glue that will help keep you bonded. Without it you'll just be glorified roommates with separate bedrooms. I'm sure there are a lot of marriages like that, but I don't want to be in one of them.
 
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