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I have been dating a women on eH for over a year now. We have been madly in love almost the whole time. However, this past spring I spent a lot of time at her house, to the point that I did my laundry there, and she did a lot of house hold things for me that I did not ask her to do, I would have been more than happy to do them, and even offered to every single time she started, but was met with "no thanks" the vast majority of the time.
Then in April when I was updating my computer with the new version of Windows Internet Explorer, it had saved her Facebook account password, so out of curiosity I checked it out...I found a very provocative Facebook chat with one of her exes (one that treated her really bad) and she later told me she had sent him some sexy picture of her self...I was devastated. I confronted her about it and we managed (I thought) to work through it. I found out later that the reason why she had done this is because A) she feels like she has no friends and wanted to at least keep one of them happy B) she felt like she was taking care of me, which made her lose interest in sex (which had been going down steadily at this point). We made up and I was hurt for a while after...
So I thought I we were doing ok until the other day I go to log on to my aol account and realize that just like last time, her password info was saved there too. I look and see that she had contacted another ex (this one treated her bad too) in the area asking to maybe meet for dinner to "catch up"...
I don't know what to make of this...she has had some pretty terrible ex-boyfriends and says that I am the best boyfriend she has ever had....I still also am a little hurt by the first incident...What is going on? How should I aproach this? Is she innocent until proven guilty? Should I stay or should I go?
- June 26th, 2009, 08:48 pm
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Sorry for some of the typing errors lol...
- June 26th, 2009, 08:51 pm
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I would she's willing to be your wife,
but can't quite get over her other ex, very
fast. But don't be fooled. My ex gf said I was the best friend and best bf, she'd had.
But she ended it with me, anyway. It don't figure. History never repeats itself, 100% the same. It's usually less. Should you stay? Here's what I think- I think you should get a place of your own, and continue the relationship for awhile. Then if nothing changes, just be friends with her, and date other women.
- June 26th, 2009, 09:01 pm
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I do not expect I would stay with this woman (and I would definitely not make a commitment.)

Inappropriate contact with others, and the passive-aggressive manner of criticizing you for a condition she caused …

If you stay, I’d say do so expecting her behavior to continue.
- June 26th, 2009, 09:05 pm
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My first thought upon reading your post is that your partner is keeping her options open. I am also aligned with D_Lion's opinion re the passive-aggressive nature of the reasons she used to explain away her behaviour. I do feel you should go back to your own living environment ... it's hard to say because I don't know either of you; but the impression I'm getting is that you may be more committed to the relationship than she. I'm sorry if that is the case.
- June 26th, 2009, 09:26 pm
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IcecreamMoon Nothing to see here at all...

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D_Lion wrote :
I do not expect I would stay with this woman (and I would definitely not make a commitment.)

Inappropriate contact with others, and the passive-aggressive manner of criticizing you for a condition she caused …

If you stay, I’d say do so expecting her behavior to continue.
Well said.
History only repeats itself when the lesson wasn't learnt the first time.
I wouldn't stay in this situation. It might be time for some honest talking and making a decision regarding where you go from here.
- June 26th, 2009, 09:51 pm
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meri75 wrote :
My first thought upon reading your post is that your partner is keeping her options open. I am also aligned with D_Lion's opinion re the passive-aggressive nature of the reasons she used to explain away her behaviour. I do feel you should go back to your own living environment ... it's hard to say because I don't know either of you; but the impression I'm getting is that you may be more committed to the relationship than she. I'm sorry if that is the case.

Yeah. What she said. You are more committed than she is. A year is enough time to know. I don't know about the passive-aggressive thing. She may not have known she would get caught. But you've definitely got more invested than her. Cut your losses & move on.
- June 26th, 2009, 10:25 pm
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Ray Charles once sang a song about taking a women to a club and the whole band knew her name so he took her cross town to a different
club and the whole band knew her name as well!
Bottom line your lady is a player. There is no point in discussing it with her at this point in time. Find a new apartment get moved in and go about you business without her. She will promise you the world not to upset her apple cart and to hang onto her security blanket, but there are just some people that only enjoy sexual encounters when they cheat and she does.

And the whole band knew her name!

Harvey7.
- June 27th, 2009, 01:34 am
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Whether or not your gf realizes it or not she seems to gravitate to unhealthy relationships and seems to need validating from these people to feel good about herself. She definitely needs some serious counselling. You should move back into your own place if you are infact living with her and at the same time reevaluate your relationship. Currently I do not see much hope for this relationship as I do not see her changing her behavior unless she seeks counselling. Good luck
- June 27th, 2009, 07:03 am
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Yes, history repeats itself. Best indicator of the future is the past. And you've seen it . If you get rid of her ,you will get rid of her lies exs and head games and free yourself up for a decent woman
D_Lion wrote :
I do not expect I would stay with this woman (and I would definitely not make a commitment.)

Inappropriate contact with others, and the passive-aggressive manner of criticizing you for a condition she caused …

If you stay, I’d say do so expecting her behavior to continue.
- June 27th, 2009, 08:58 am
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