Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Relationships Relationships: they have their ups and their downs. Share your joy or weather the storm in this discussion board.

Reply
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 Last »
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
DIVISION DIVISION is offline
DIVISION's Avatar

DIVISION tends to look down on censorship.

Quick Study

Join Date: Jun 2009

Posts: 97

See profile

I've seen many threads discussing single mothers and their apparent lack of success in attracting men.

I think it needs to be said that from a male perspective, someone who is single without kids or baggage, why would you really expect a man to date you when there are plenty of single women without kids?

It's not a hard decision at all.

Men typically prefer non-complicated relationships and you don't offer this if you have kids.

To the contrary, you bring alot of complication and most of your time is going to be dedicated to your children, NOT the relationship.

I don't see why this is so hard to understand.

Most men don't want to raise someone else's kids because it's not fair to them.

This is all really very simple.

A man would really have to like you in order to take on a relationship with a single mother.

Personally, it's not for me because I like a relationship where kids are a possibilty, not a foregone conclusion!

I also believe in the importance of the relationship, first and foremost, and kids only take away from that.

Your best chance is through finding a nice guy who already has kids and is willing to work with you.

.......but expecting a single guy to compromise his life and freedom to take on your "ready made" family is unlrealistic.

Remember, men prefer uncomplicated relationships and you can't offer that.
- June 26th, 2009, 02:54 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
Wiseman2 Wiseman2 is offline
Wiseman2's Avatar

Enthusiast

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 589

See profile

You still having problems attracting women who only want sex, as in you other post?
DIVISION wrote :
I've seen many threads discussing single mothers and their apparent lack of success in attracting men.

I think it needs to be said that from a male perspective, someone who is single without kids or baggage, why would you really expect a man to date you when there are plenty of single women without kids?

It's not a hard decision at all.

Men typically prefer non-complicated relationships and you don't offer this if you have kids.

To the contrary, you bring alot of complication and most of your time is going to be dedicated to your children, NOT the relationship.

I don't see why this is so hard to understand.

Most men don't want to raise someone else's kids because it's not fair to them.

This is all really very simple.

A man would really have to like you in order to take on a relationship with a single mother.

Personally, it's not for me because I like a relationship where kids are a possibilty, not a foregone conclusion!

I also believe in the importance of the relationship, first and foremost, and kids only take away from that.

Your best chance is through finding a nice guy who already has kids and is willing to work with you.

.......but expecting a single guy to compromise his life and freedom to take on your "ready made" family is unlrealistic.

Remember, men prefer uncomplicated relationships and you can't offer that.
- June 26th, 2009, 03:07 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
blrdancer blrdancer is offline
blrdancer's Avatar

Quick Study

Join Date: Mar 2009

Posts: 213

See profile

I'm not a single mom, but I still felt I needed to comment ...

DIVISION wrote :
I've seen many threads discussing single mothers and their apparent lack of success in attracting men.

Men typically prefer non-complicated relationships and you don't offer this if you have kids..
Let's face it -- relationships are complicated. True, some more than others -- and the good should always outweigh the bad. Kids may be a complication that you are not ready or willing to deal with - but that doesn't mean that's true for every man (or woman) -- because let's face it - there are single dads out there too.

DIVISION wrote :
Most men don't want to raise someone else's kids because it's not fair to them.
Not every woman is looking for a father to raise their children. Let's face it - these children already have a father -- and hopefully, he is involved with their life. If you don't want to take on that responsibility, you are perfectly justified in choosing not to -- but that's a pretty big blanket to cover all men -- particularly those willing and able to step up like that.

DIVISION wrote :
A man would really have to like you in order to take on a relationship with a single mother.
I hope you would really like ANY woman that you are embarking on a relationship with.

DIVISION wrote :
Personally, it's not for me because I like a relationship where kids are a possibilty, not a foregone conclusion!

I also believe in the importance of the relationship, first and foremost, and kids only take away from that.
Yep, that's your choice. For me, as a woman, kids are definitely something I want. Obviously, I'd like to have them on my own terms -- but also accepting children that a man brings to a relationship is something I'm willing to consider.

Life is always complicated -- and there is also going to be something outside challenging your relationship -- whether it's children, jobs, stress, meddling family, friends, whatever. Learning how to preserve and protect your relationship in the midst of these trials is a much better indication of success than trying to find a relationship where these don't exist. Just my two cents.
- June 26th, 2009, 03:10 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
DIVISION DIVISION is offline
DIVISION's Avatar

DIVISION tends to look down on censorship.

Quick Study

Join Date: Jun 2009

Posts: 97

See profile

Wiseman2 wrote :
You still having problems attracting women who only want sex, as in you other post?
Are you kidding me?

I don't date single mothers.

I was only referrring to single.
- June 26th, 2009, 03:33 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
txbubba txbubba is offline
txbubba's Avatar

txbubba is not out of his mind - just out of bullets

Unregistered

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 453

See profile

so much for my milf fantasies LOL
- June 26th, 2009, 03:53 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#5   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

DIVISION DIVISION is offline
DIVISION's Avatar

DIVISION tends to look down on censorship.

Quick Study

Join Date: Jun 2009

Posts: 97

See profile

txbubba wrote :
so much for my milf fantasies LOL
Damnit, Bubba!

You can do better.
- June 26th, 2009, 03:57 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#6   Reply With Quote
When_I_See_You_Smile When_I_See_You_Smile is offline
When_I_See_You_Smile's Avatar

When_I_See_You_Smile I felt it shelter to speak to you. ~Emily Dickinson

Veteran

Join Date: Oct 2008

Posts: 1,689

See profile

blrdancer wrote :
I'm not a single mom, but I still felt I needed to comment ...



Let's face it -- relationships are complicated. True, some more than others -- and the good should always outweigh the bad. Kids may be a complication that you are not ready or willing to deal with - but that doesn't mean that's true for every man (or woman) -- because let's face it - there are single dads out there too.



Not every woman is looking for a father to raise their children. Let's face it - these children already have a father -- and hopefully, he is involved with their life. If you don't want to take on that responsibility, you are perfectly justified in choosing not to -- but that's a pretty big blanket to cover all men -- particularly those willing and able to step up like that.



I hope you would really like ANY woman that you are embarking on a relationship with.



Yep, that's your choice. For me, as a woman, kids are definitely something I want. Obviously, I'd like to have them on my own terms -- but also accepting children that a man brings to a relationship is something I'm willing to consider.

Life is always complicated -- and there is also going to be something outside challenging your relationship -- whether it's children, jobs, stress, meddling family, friends, whatever. Learning how to preserve and protect your relationship in the midst of these trials is a much better indication of success than trying to find a relationship where these don't exist. Just my two cents.
Birdancer,

Thank you for stepping up to the plate here.

I agree with every point you've made. True, not every man is willing or able to take on a ready made family. That doesn't mean that a single mother is doomed to a life without love, though. There are men out there who would love to have a family, even one that already exists.

To the OP, I don't see much point in making a single mother feel badly about her situation. There's no need to point out the obvious -- that most single men would prefer a relationship without complications. Your choice to avoid dating single mothers is just that -- a personal choice. You don't speak for all men, though.

WISYS
- June 26th, 2009, 06:42 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#7   Reply With Quote
Wootz Wootz is offline
Wootz's Avatar

Wootz has got another repair project going... Might be slow posting for a bit.

Enthusiast

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 715

See profile

blrdancer, that was an excellent post. Glad to have your good sense here.

From a different male perspective: ever heard of altruism? You know, that pesky little human trait that keeps popping up, doing things for others and not asking for something back? As an anthropologist, it is an interesting concept (in the evolutionary sense), but I won’t get into that here. Basically, *all* relationships involve complications- all serious ones, IMHO.

I take care of, spend resources on, spend time with, and was there for the birth of a child not of my own genes. Technically, his mother and I are distant family- fifth cousins or something, I forget which. So there’s some connection there. I’m one of those guys that chose to do this without the plus of a girlfriend, as it were. But there are other men who do this, and do it for the love of the mother *and* the child. I am not saying they take the father’s place (unless of course he *bailed* and is contributing next to nothing). We don’t have much conscious control over who we are initially attracted to, and if there is a connection and it grows, why spoil that? I can understand if you are not ready for the responsibility. It is a big one.

I look carefully at the lives of *anyone* I am considering dating material. Every one is unique. I don’t see children as a deal breaker any more than I see being short, or being "successful and educated" (as has been mulled over here before) as the same. If this is a definite stop for you, there’s nothing morally wrong with that or anything. Everybody’s got opinions, and you know what that’s like. And every relationship *is* a compromise of "life and freedom," if it is going to be worth anything. It’s an exclusive commitment which changes your life (obviously) and restricts your "freedom" to date other people, in my book. Add my two cents to the jar.
- June 26th, 2009, 07:18 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#8   Reply With Quote
curious_girl curious_girl is offline
curious_girl's Avatar

curious_girl needs prayers for her son =(

Virtuoso

Join Date: Oct 2008

Posts: 3,359

See profile

I am a single mother. The majority of my sons' life; I've raised him alone.

I've never had a problem getting dates; or relationships when I've wanted them.

True; there are men out there who don't want to date single mothers; but newsflash; single mothers don't want to date those men. =)

Single mothers don't have to sit at home and be lonely; we just have to be pickier about the people we allow into our lives; and therefore the lives of our children; and I, for one, do not see this as a bad thing.

I will say that I prefer to date single fathers; they already know and understand that kids always come first; and they're generally more mature.
- June 26th, 2009, 07:40 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#9   Reply With Quote
SincerelySarcastic SincerelySarcastic is offline
SincerelySarcastic's Avatar

SincerelySarcastic is not serious in the least bit

Newbie

Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 32

See profile

I'm not a single mother, but by you asking "why they think men would want to date them, when there are plenty of single women?"........ummmm maybe because they are just as lovely,smart,and fun. I guess I could ask the question..... why do overly opinionated men feel the need to not just say 'that's not for me," but attempt to make a random argument out of something that is not usually a choice but a circumstance?

By the way single mothers probably don't need another child to raise, so I don't think they will be knocking down the doors of men with your viewpoint...you're safe.
- June 26th, 2009, 08:10 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#10   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 Last »

Bookmarks

« What you don't know doesn't hurt you | Array | What have you noticed? »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
single mothers aliamarie25 About You 57 February 5th, 2010 11:20 am
If a past love contacts you and says "I still miss you every single day"? Bushido45 Ask a Dating Expert 13 December 13th, 2009 09:47 am
New single father... seeking advice The1Tomcat About You 49 July 21st, 2009 11:55 am
single mom.....will I ever find the one? ktxmom Relationships 48 July 19th, 2009 01:32 pm
being single in 2009 pourquois-moi Ask a Dating Expert 20 June 27th, 2009 09:47 am

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It could just be playful. Some people are awkward in online communication but not over the phone or in person. It could be creepy too though. It can't hurt to give the phone call a try and see ... ” – suzyblueeyes

Join the “He asks me if I'm allowed to call boys??? What??” discussion

“Agree with the others - take him at his word. Usually means a guy is looking for sex. I've also had friends in this situation who find out the guy is married... Why would you be on a dating website ... ” – trixie1868

Join the “When a guy says he's not looking for a relationship...” discussion

“Regardless, there is definitely an ANSWER! The answer is: run..... hide..... get away! People like that end up being the type that just sit around doing nothing, making you do all the work, then ... ” – misswright

Join the “Doesn't want to work, doesn't want sex, drinks” discussion

“I don't believe in love at first sight. I think love takes time to develop. However, I do believe in the twinkle. This was the term my late husband and I used to use to describe how we met. I ... ” – suzyblueeyes

Join the “Is love at first sight real?” discussion

“I totally agree with the full body shot for women. If you don't post at least one, then guys assume you're hiding something. Also, if all of your photos include you drinking in a limo, or in Vegas, ... ” – BigP

Join the “Using eHarmony: Online Profile Photo Tips for Guys” discussion

“Okay... to me.... it really doesn't matter if HE thinks it's acceptable vs rude to say "stop talking" while interrupting you. What SHOULD matter is that TO YOU IT IS RUDE! After all (as I put it ... ” – richey

Join the “Stop Talking” discussion

“I already know all people are imperfect and am prepared to enter into a relationship with an imperfect person. I don't need to live with someone to figure that out. In fact I usually figure that ... ” – D_Lion

Join the “co-habiting with no engagement... smart or not?” discussion

“Sexual bias plays no role in confidence and dating post divorce. It really depends on the circumstances surrounding the divorce in how they will be. Some of the factors are length of marriage ... ” – ami1uwant

Join the “how do men feel after divorce” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:06 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0