DIVISION is offline DIVISION Post #1  June 26,2009, 1:54pm

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I've seen many threads discussing single mothers and their apparent lack of success in attracting men.

I think it needs to be said that from a male perspective, someone who is single without kids or baggage, why would you really expect a man to date you when there are plenty of single women without kids?

It's not a hard decision at all.

Men typically prefer non-complicated relationships and you don't offer this if you have kids.

To the contrary, you bring alot of complication and most of your time is going to be dedicated to your children, NOT the relationship.

I don't see why this is so hard to understand.

Most men don't want to raise someone else's kids because it's not fair to them.

This is all really very simple.

A man would really have to like you in order to take on a relationship with a single mother.

Personally, it's not for me because I like a relationship where kids are a possibilty, not a foregone conclusion!

I also believe in the importance of the relationship, first and foremost, and kids only take away from that.

Your best chance is through finding a nice guy who already has kids and is willing to work with you.

.......but expecting a single guy to compromise his life and freedom to take on your "ready made" family is unlrealistic.

Remember, men prefer uncomplicated relationships and you can't offer that.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #2  June 26,2009, 2:07pm
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You still having problems attracting women who only want sex, as in you other post?
DIVISION wrote :
I've seen many threads discussing single mothers and their apparent lack of success in attracting men.

I think it needs to be said that from a male perspective, someone who is single without kids or baggage, why would you really expect a man to date you when there are plenty of single women without kids?

It's not a hard decision at all.

Men typically prefer non-complicated relationships and you don't offer this if you have kids.

To the contrary, you bring alot of complication and most of your time is going to be dedicated to your children, NOT the relationship.

I don't see why this is so hard to understand.

Most men don't want to raise someone else's kids because it's not fair to them.

This is all really very simple.

A man would really have to like you in order to take on a relationship with a single mother.

Personally, it's not for me because I like a relationship where kids are a possibilty, not a foregone conclusion!

I also believe in the importance of the relationship, first and foremost, and kids only take away from that.

Your best chance is through finding a nice guy who already has kids and is willing to work with you.

.......but expecting a single guy to compromise his life and freedom to take on your "ready made" family is unlrealistic.

Remember, men prefer uncomplicated relationships and you can't offer that.
 
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blrdancer is offline blrdancer Post #3  June 26,2009, 2:10pm
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I'm not a single mom, but I still felt I needed to comment ...

DIVISION wrote :
I've seen many threads discussing single mothers and their apparent lack of success in attracting men.

Men typically prefer non-complicated relationships and you don't offer this if you have kids..
Let's face it -- relationships are complicated. True, some more than others -- and the good should always outweigh the bad. Kids may be a complication that you are not ready or willing to deal with - but that doesn't mean that's true for every man (or woman) -- because let's face it - there are single dads out there too.

DIVISION wrote :
Most men don't want to raise someone else's kids because it's not fair to them.
Not every woman is looking for a father to raise their children. Let's face it - these children already have a father -- and hopefully, he is involved with their life. If you don't want to take on that responsibility, you are perfectly justified in choosing not to -- but that's a pretty big blanket to cover all men -- particularly those willing and able to step up like that.

DIVISION wrote :
A man would really have to like you in order to take on a relationship with a single mother.
I hope you would really like ANY woman that you are embarking on a relationship with.

DIVISION wrote :
Personally, it's not for me because I like a relationship where kids are a possibilty, not a foregone conclusion!

I also believe in the importance of the relationship, first and foremost, and kids only take away from that.
Yep, that's your choice. For me, as a woman, kids are definitely something I want. Obviously, I'd like to have them on my own terms -- but also accepting children that a man brings to a relationship is something I'm willing to consider.

Life is always complicated -- and there is also going to be something outside challenging your relationship -- whether it's children, jobs, stress, meddling family, friends, whatever. Learning how to preserve and protect your relationship in the midst of these trials is a much better indication of success than trying to find a relationship where these don't exist. Just my two cents.
 
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DIVISION is offline DIVISION Post #4  June 26,2009, 2:33pm

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Wiseman2 wrote :
You still having problems attracting women who only want sex, as in you other post?
Are you kidding me?

I don't date single mothers.

I was only referrring to single.
 
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txbubba is offline txbubba Post #5  June 26,2009, 2:53pm

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so much for my milf fantasies LOL
 
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DIVISION is offline DIVISION Post #6  June 26,2009, 2:57pm

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txbubba wrote :
so much for my milf fantasies LOL
Damnit, Bubba!

You can do better.
 
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When_I_See_You_Smile is offline When_I_See_You_Smile Post #7  June 26,2009, 5:42pm
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blrdancer wrote :
I'm not a single mom, but I still felt I needed to comment ...



Let's face it -- relationships are complicated. True, some more than others -- and the good should always outweigh the bad. Kids may be a complication that you are not ready or willing to deal with - but that doesn't mean that's true for every man (or woman) -- because let's face it - there are single dads out there too.



Not every woman is looking for a father to raise their children. Let's face it - these children already have a father -- and hopefully, he is involved with their life. If you don't want to take on that responsibility, you are perfectly justified in choosing not to -- but that's a pretty big blanket to cover all men -- particularly those willing and able to step up like that.



I hope you would really like ANY woman that you are embarking on a relationship with.



Yep, that's your choice. For me, as a woman, kids are definitely something I want. Obviously, I'd like to have them on my own terms -- but also accepting children that a man brings to a relationship is something I'm willing to consider.

Life is always complicated -- and there is also going to be something outside challenging your relationship -- whether it's children, jobs, stress, meddling family, friends, whatever. Learning how to preserve and protect your relationship in the midst of these trials is a much better indication of success than trying to find a relationship where these don't exist. Just my two cents.
Birdancer,

Thank you for stepping up to the plate here.

I agree with every point you've made. True, not every man is willing or able to take on a ready made family. That doesn't mean that a single mother is doomed to a life without love, though. There are men out there who would love to have a family, even one that already exists.

To the OP, I don't see much point in making a single mother feel badly about her situation. There's no need to point out the obvious -- that most single men would prefer a relationship without complications. Your choice to avoid dating single mothers is just that -- a personal choice. You don't speak for all men, though.

WISYS
 
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Wootz is offline Wootz Post #8  June 26,2009, 6:18pm
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blrdancer, that was an excellent post. Glad to have your good sense here.

From a different male perspective: ever heard of altruism? You know, that pesky little human trait that keeps popping up, doing things for others and not asking for something back? As an anthropologist, it is an interesting concept (in the evolutionary sense), but I won’t get into that here. Basically, *all* relationships involve complications- all serious ones, IMHO.

I take care of, spend resources on, spend time with, and was there for the birth of a child not of my own genes. Technically, his mother and I are distant family- fifth cousins or something, I forget which. So there’s some connection there. I’m one of those guys that chose to do this without the plus of a girlfriend, as it were. But there are other men who do this, and do it for the love of the mother *and* the child. I am not saying they take the father’s place (unless of course he *bailed* and is contributing next to nothing). We don’t have much conscious control over who we are initially attracted to, and if there is a connection and it grows, why spoil that? I can understand if you are not ready for the responsibility. It is a big one.

I look carefully at the lives of *anyone* I am considering dating material. Every one is unique. I don’t see children as a deal breaker any more than I see being short, or being "successful and educated" (as has been mulled over here before) as the same. If this is a definite stop for you, there’s nothing morally wrong with that or anything. Everybody’s got opinions, and you know what that’s like. And every relationship *is* a compromise of "life and freedom," if it is going to be worth anything. It’s an exclusive commitment which changes your life (obviously) and restricts your "freedom" to date other people, in my book. Add my two cents to the jar.
 
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curious_girl is offline curious_girl Post #9  June 26,2009, 6:40pm
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I am a single mother. The majority of my sons' life; I've raised him alone.

I've never had a problem getting dates; or relationships when I've wanted them.

True; there are men out there who don't want to date single mothers; but newsflash; single mothers don't want to date those men. =)

Single mothers don't have to sit at home and be lonely; we just have to be pickier about the people we allow into our lives; and therefore the lives of our children; and I, for one, do not see this as a bad thing.

I will say that I prefer to date single fathers; they already know and understand that kids always come first; and they're generally more mature.
 
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SincerelySarcastic is offline SincerelySarcastic Post #10  June 26,2009, 7:10pm
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I'm not a single mother, but by you asking "why they think men would want to date them, when there are plenty of single women?"........ummmm maybe because they are just as lovely,smart,and fun. I guess I could ask the question..... why do overly opinionated men feel the need to not just say 'that's not for me," but attempt to make a random argument out of something that is not usually a choice but a circumstance?

By the way single mothers probably don't need another child to raise, so I don't think they will be knocking down the doors of men with your viewpoint...you're safe.
 
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