single mom.....will I ever find the one?


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ktxmom is offline ktxmom Post #1  June 26,2009, 10:03am
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Hi everyone. I'm 28 and a single mom to 3 kids. Lately I have felt pretty down. I sit here and wonder if I will ever meet that one person, or if I should just give up now. Any man I meet won't date me because I have kids. The last guy we were getting along great. Then I had to bring my son with me the one day, and after that he said no more :S
I am getting pretty fusterated.
I just wonder if I should give up now. You know I think I could offer someone a lot. I love my kids with all my heart, and truly wish I could find someone who would accept them.
That last guy was 44. I was hoping since he was older he might be more mature but obviously not.
 
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BobinFla is offline BobinFla Post #2  June 26,2009, 10:51am
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That can be an issue that a lot of guys cannot get past. Having 3 children is a disadvantage, but is not a deal breaker. Looking from a practical standpoint, a lot of men are not willing to support 3 children that are not his.

But don't give up, be patient. You will find someone who is right for you and is willing to help take care of your children. A few years ago, I dated a woman that had 3 children and had things worked out (children were not an issue) I would have welcomed them.

Don't give up, but on the same hand don't let yourself be pulled into an abusive relationship.

Good luck in your search.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  June 26,2009, 11:02am
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BobinFla wrote :
That can be an issue that a lot of guys cannot get past. Having 3 children is a disadvantage, but is not a deal breaker. Looking from a practical standpoint, a lot of men are not willing to support 3 children that are not his.

But don't give up, be patient. You will find someone who is right for you and is willing to help take care of your children. A few years ago, I dated a woman that had 3 children and had things worked out (children were not an issue) I would have welcomed them.

Don't give up, but on the same hand don't let yourself be pulled into an abusive relationship.

Good luck in your search.
This is really the key. You have to figure out and have a plan in place on how you will manage the children and your dating. Also, men who already have children may be a whole lot more open to the idea than ones who have never had children.
 
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Robecology is offline Robecology Post #4  June 26,2009, 11:11am

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You've already made the first step by coming here; Eharmony's good to get a person who's on the same page as you. BE PATIENT; do things that help your kids and improve your chances of meeting someone; PTA meetings, attending school openhouses you'll meet parents (plenty of single parents) with similar views and situations right in your 'hood. Don't fall in to a long distance desperation search. Love your kids...the love will overflow and real men who go to school with their kids will feel it.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #5  June 26,2009, 11:16am

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Looking in all the wrong places.. Try Parents without Partners to meet a quality family oriented guy. Your kids are a fact of life there are a few organization like that where you can change your social life with someone like you.

Harvey7.
 
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blrdancer is offline blrdancer Post #6  June 26,2009, 11:30am
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Well, I'm 28 with no children ... and I'm still single - so what does that say about me? Seriously though - you just have to be patient.

Agree with some of the others that you might want to look where other single parents are ... volunteer at your children's school or extracurricular activities, join Parents without Partners, check out Meetup for single parent groups, etc. I'm not saying other single parents are your only option -- but many single, childless men at 28 may not be ready or willing to take on the responsibility of 3 children.

Obviously your children are your top priority -- definitely is going to make dating difficult, but not impossible. And by not settling, you'll be an example to your children.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #7  June 26,2009, 11:34am
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Great advice. Plenty of guys into to the family thing, maybe with some kids of their own, who would love to be a family with someone again who understands kids.
Harvey7 wrote :
Looking in all the wrong places.. Try Parents without Partners to meet a quality family oriented guy. Your kids are a fact of life there are a few organization like that where you can change your social life with someone like you.

Harvey7.
 
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txbubba is offline txbubba Post #8  June 26,2009, 12:14pm

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try POF like everyone else
 
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DIVISION is offline DIVISION Post #9  June 26,2009, 1:18pm

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ktxmom wrote :
Hi everyone. I'm 28 and a single mom to 3 kids. Lately I have felt pretty down. I sit here and wonder if I will ever meet that one person, or if I should just give up now. Any man I meet won't date me because I have kids. The last guy we were getting along great. Then I had to bring my son with me the one day, and after that he said no more :S
I am getting pretty fusterated.
I just wonder if I should give up now. You know I think I could offer someone a lot. I love my kids with all my heart, and truly wish I could find someone who would accept them.
That last guy was 44. I was hoping since he was older he might be more mature but obviously not.

First of all, you don't bring your son on a date unless it's OK with the guy because it shows a lack of consideration.

Men don't like having someone's kids forced on them.

I think you need to come to the reality that it's going to be harder for you simply because you're a single mother.

Men can easily date women who are single without baggage, so you're really competing with all the single women for the same men.

Unless a guy already has kids and can empathize with you, he's probably going to see the kids as a distraction and extra baggage unless he has alot of patience.

Why did you consider this before when you were having kids?

Did it ever occur to you that most men don't want to raise other men's kids, and that's why they date single women?
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #10  June 26,2009, 1:33pm
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Here's a similar question from a male poster, you should contact him: The1Tomcat vbmenu_register("postmenu_642806", true);
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Hi everyone,

This is my first post so go easy on me.

Here's my question and hoping especially women will give me their opinion.

I'm a single father as of about a month ago. My relationship with the mother of my daughter ended not long before my daughter was born. We're on good terms and still openly communicate and love our daughter very much. I plan on being a large part of my daughter's life and supporting her financially, emotionally, etc.

Since I find myself now back out and single, I'm very worried that my single father status will override everything else I have to offer. My little girl doesn't live with me so being honest I've put down that I do not have a child living with me full time.

My question is, when should I disclose that I have a child? Should I post up a picture on my profile so people can see me with her right from the start? Should I make mention of it in my profile? Or should I wait until open communication and broach the subject as we get to know each other?

Thanks for your opinions.
ktxmom wrote :
Hi everyone. I'm 28 and a single mom to 3 kids. Lately I have felt pretty down. I sit here and wonder if I will ever meet that one person, or if I should just give up now. Any man I meet won't date me because I have kids. The last guy we were getting along great. Then I had to bring my son with me the one day, and after that he said no more :S
I am getting pretty fusterated.
I just wonder if I should give up now. You know I think I could offer someone a lot. I love my kids with all my heart, and truly wish I could find someone who would accept them.
That last guy was 44. I was hoping since he was older he might be more mature but obviously not.
 
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