single mom.....will I ever find the one?


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Lanc is offline Lanc Post #41  July 12,2009, 12:49pm
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ktxmom wrote :
I just wonder if I should give up now.
Absolutely not. There are men who would avoid this situation on grounds of the financial risk...you can't blame them-3 child supports + alimony and his life is over. Some judges can be quite liberal with their understanding on Common-Law Marriage, and the male usually has little/no recourse in these matters (keeps taxes lower).

However, there are men who would give this situation a chance too. It's really about you & who/what you are. The world is replete with really fine mature & realistic ladies whom thought they were procreating at a young age with Mr. Right & made a mistake.

What I find amusing is reading profiles such as yours, and then the (for example) 28 yr. old mother specifies she wants to date in the 23-29 yr. old age bracket-which is really common! That is scary. Really scary.
 
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Inlimbo1015 is offline Inlimbo1015 Post #42  July 12,2009, 3:11pm
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I have been wondering about this too. I am newly single and thankfully not everyone shares DIVISION's view of this subject. I'm sure that most single parnts are in the situation involuntarily. I know what it's like. I married a single dad and wouldn't have changed a thing. But it does make it hard on a relationship.
And now I am a single mom with two kids and never anticipated on being in this situation. Although, I am not ready to date, I know I will be soon. I just hope that there is someone out there who will be willing to give us a chance.
 
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bepatient1913 is offline bepatient1913 Post #43  July 12,2009, 5:29pm
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Don't feel down because you don't have a relationship with someone other than your kids. Make them your priority for now. You don't have to give up. Just remember, don't be in a hurry to find someone, because you might find the wrong one being pressed. Have fun with your kids.
 
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Lanc is offline Lanc Post #44  July 12,2009, 9:02pm
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Division is posting some tough love, but there may be a method to his madness. He, like I, is probably wondering what is up with the explosion of young single mothers in past years. Now, being a man & having a day job, I have no idea what topics are on the afternoon shows that women listen to. Maybe I'm wrong with what I'm about to say, but I don't hear a national conversation about this problem. I'm 44 & teen pregnancy was a big issue when I was young. You're telling me that boys & girls still aren't being coached in High School about how not to derail your life?


High School girls want babies, and High School boys want sex. Is that lesson still not being taught? If young women are enthusiastic on having kids early, finding a young man to fall in love with & marry simply is not a viable formula-nearly any guy will fall in love with you; all he can see is sex every 3 hours. A man in his twenties has two primary concerns...finding sex (testosterone is still raging in the 20's) & finding a career. If he isn't stepping into a family run business, that usually means college until 21, and probably professional school until late 20's, which means he won't be established in a profession until his early thirties.


I'm not sure what the answer is. I personally think it's great for women to want kids at a young age. It's safer for them, the kids, and it's a life rewarding experience that they can enjoy when they have their youth & energy-but the guys just aren't ready at that age. I wish I had an answer for this conundrum.

This probably belongs on a different thread. Forgive me, I'm new here.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #45  July 12,2009, 10:26pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Lanc wrote :
Absolutely not. There are men who would avoid this situation on grounds of the financial risk...you can't blame them-3 child supports + alimony and his life is over. Some judges can be quite liberal with their understanding on Common-Law Marriage, and the male usually has little/no recourse in these matters (keeps taxes lower).
Are you saying that if a man marries a women with children and later they divorce....that he could be responsible for paying child support for her prior children?
 
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Lanc is offline Lanc Post #46  July 12,2009, 10:44pm
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jayjay wrote :
Are you saying that if a man marries a women with children and later they divorce....that he could be responsible for paying child support for her prior children?
Yes. Marriage isn't necessarily even a requirement. A judge can slam his gavel & declare him the father without marriage in certain cases. Depends on the state, county, judge's personality. Men should speak to a lawyer when getting into a relationship with a single mom to avoid any surprises.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #47  July 12,2009, 11:10pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Lanc wrote :
Yes. Marriage isn't necessarily even a requirement. A judge can slam his gavel & declare him the father without marriage in certain cases. Depends on the state, county, judge's personality. Men should speak to a lawyer when getting into a relationship with a single mom to avoid any surprises.
If that's true it would be one of those things that on first inspection sounds like it would benefit women (a financial benefit after divorce)....but in the long run would contribute to the problem the OP is mentioning of men not wanting to get involved in this type of situation. Personally I'm kind of undecided regarding dating women with children....but if what you're saying is correct it would probably tip me over to the other side.
 
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Lanc is offline Lanc Post #48  July 13,2009, 12:05am
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jayjay wrote :
but if what you're saying is correct it would probably tip me over to the other side.
dating is one thing. Living together is a legal consultation. Marriage is a legal consultation tomorrow.
 
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DreamingOfJustice is offline DreamingOfJustice Post #49  July 19,2009, 12:32pm
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OK,,,here I am after vacation,,,hahahaazzz,,and the debate rages on!

I'm no attorney, BUT....I'd be bloody amazed if a judge rules that another KNOWN man's children are the CURRENT husbands support obligation. MOST states DONT recognise what was referred to as 'common law' marriage and have not recognised it in many years. In the United States, 12 states of 50 recognise common law, and that is determined by BOTH parties agreeing to PRESENT themselves as 'married' to the public. If you share children together, then naturally both parents must support those children. Of course I cannot say that for other countries or island nations or US protectorates.

Judges can and do make inexplicable rulings..they remove adoption candidates at the drop of a hat (or whim of the birth parents); they fail to remove abused children until a sibling is practically killed outright; they can be hardnosed and stubborn and just plain bent on a god-like sort of approach to the bench.

IF any man/woman has considerations- IF you are blessed enough to be that far along- why not consult an attorney?
 
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