single mom.....will I ever find the one?

I have dated a number of women with children over the years. The issues which have come up are not as centered on x'es as much as you hear on this subject. But, what has come up is, what I like to call, 'crowding out.' I'm in a very demanding career field and require a partner who is very committed to me and can give me plenty of time and attention. With children as part of the recipe, it makes it a far greater challenge, and, perhaps in my case, unrealistic.


I'm involved with a woman now who has two children, one has reached majority, the other will in a year. They are nearly raised and it does make it easier. But, still, her attention is siphoned away, texting her kids it all times of the day/night, emergency and issues do pop up and as much as she says she is portable to move crosscountry, all she and her kids know is this region of the country. Although she is probably the 'best candidate' in this category I've found, even with her kids 'out of the house' and her more 'free,' there is the issue that she would go through parenthood with me as 'been there/done that.' Well, this would be a first run for me, and I want to experience it with someone on my level and not as a second run.


More common, however, is the single mom with much younger kids, and these issues are magnified. One previous relationship I was in, she had kindergarten early elementary school age children. She would often use her kids as a weapon for argument constantly. I was always called on to do something or something was expected of me, she couldn't possibly do it, because 'she had kids.' She could take a business trip, but couldn't take one with me because 'she had kids.'


To the OP, this isn't going to be politically correct or maybe popular with many. For all the positives we can put on dating single moms, and I've had a little better experience than some of what I've heard, there is REALITY too. All things being equal and on balance, you will not enjoy the same flexibility with dating as your childless counterparts. Although few will admit it publicly, even with the pool of men who are very accepting of single moms, when given the choice of similar women, a childless partner will usually win out. That may not be as true with older men, say over 50, matched with single moms of children over 18, but it is with men in their 30's and early 40's. To accept that, admit it, will make your dating life far easier to manage.