single mom.....will I ever find the one?


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stevex is offline stevex Post #11  June 26,2009, 2:59pm
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txbubba wrote :
try POF like everyone else
The annoying thing about POF is that you can spend hours writing emails to people and waste a lot of time, at least with eHarmony when I don't get any decent matches or matches don't go anywhere I haven't wasted any money.

As for the OP, I wish you luck. There are certainly guys out there who are okay with the kids.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #12  June 26,2009, 3:22pm
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ktxmom wrote :
The last guy we were getting along great. Then I had to bring my son with me the one day, and after that he said no more.

Did this person not know that you had children?

This should be disclosed in your profile (of course, if you’re meeting in person, you have to decide when to disclose.) If you didn’t have it in your profile, some people will consider that deception.

Some portion of men will not date a woman with children, others want to. In between are a portion who take each partner on a case-by-case basis. That group (which I’m assuming is the largest), you can work on influencing their decisions with careful strategy.
 
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justafellow is offline justafellow Post #13  June 26,2009, 4:04pm
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Have you been only looking at men without children? A divorced man with children would, at least, better understand where you're coming from.
 
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When_I_See_You_Smile is offline When_I_See_You_Smile Post #14  June 26,2009, 5:55pm
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DIVISION wrote :
First of all, you don't bring your son on a date unless it's OK with the guy because it shows a lack of consideration.

Men don't like having someone's kids forced on them.

I think you need to come to the reality that it's going to be harder for you simply because you're a single mother.
I'm pretty sure she already knows this. Why do you think she's frustrated?


Men can easily date women who are single without baggage, so you're really competing with all the single women for the same men.

Unless a guy already has kids and can empathize with you, he's probably going to see the kids as a distraction and extra baggage unless he has alot of patience.

Why did you consider this before when you were having kids?
This statement is uncalled for, DIVISION. You don't know this woman, or anything about her circumstances. You're making assumptions that you aren't entitled to make. Please do not judge fellow posters.


Did it ever occur to you that most men don't want to raise other men's kids, and that's why they date single women?
Again, this is a condescending statement. Of course, it has occurred to the OP, that most men don't want to raise another man's children. Let me ask you this: What real advise have you given the OP here? A little understanding goes a long way...
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Last edited by When_I_See_You_Smile; June 26,2009 at 5:58pm.
 
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When_I_See_You_Smile is offline When_I_See_You_Smile Post #15  June 26,2009, 6:15pm
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Happy New Year, Everyone! :)

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ktxmom wrote :
Hi everyone. I'm 28 and a single mom to 3 kids. Lately I have felt pretty down. I sit here and wonder if I will ever meet that one person, or if I should just give up now. Any man I meet won't date me because I have kids. The last guy we were getting along great. Then I had to bring my son with me the one day, and after that he said no more :S
I am getting pretty fusterated.
I just wonder if I should give up now. You know I think I could offer someone a lot. I love my kids with all my heart, and truly wish I could find someone who would accept them.
That last guy was 44. I was hoping since he was older he might be more mature but obviously not.
ktxmom,

Even though you're frustrated right now, please don't give up. You may just be meeting men who aren't willing or able to take on a family. Plus, men in your age group, may not be ready yet for any kind of commitment.

As with all things, though, there are always exceptions to the rule. There are men out there who would love to meet someone like you, a strong woman who has a loving heart, and is a good mother. Sometimes, you just have to wait for the right person.

I do agree that you could be looking for love, in all the wrong places. Are you currently a member of eH? As others have mentioned, try participating in groups that involve single parents. Also, seek out opportunities to enjoy your favorite activities (try meetup.com).

Be patient. It will happen, maybe when you least expect it.

Best of luck to you!

WISYS
 
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Mayne is offline Mayne Post #16  June 26,2009, 6:23pm
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DIVISION wrote :
First of all, you don't bring your son on a date unless it's OK with the guy because it shows a lack of consideration.

Men don't like having someone's kids forced on them.

I think you need to come to the reality that it's going to be harder for you simply because you're a single mother.

Men can easily date women who are single without baggage, so you're really competing with all the single women for the same men.

Unless a guy already has kids and can empathize with you, he's probably going to see the kids as a distraction and extra baggage unless he has alot of patience.

Why did you consider this before when you were having kids?

Did it ever occur to you that most men don't want to raise other men's kids, and that's why they date single women?
Not only can it be brutally difficult for a man to raise someone else's kids, there's the added drama of the ex to deal with, kids who will pull the "you're not my father I don't have to listen to you" card whenever they see fit, and a mother who may try to undermine your authority as the "man of the house".

I wouldn't mind a widow with young kids who could eventually be adopted.
 
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beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #17  June 26,2009, 6:24pm
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You sound a lot like I did, about a year ago. It seemed like a lot of guys would pass me up just because I have kids. And in the last year, both my friend and myself, have found a very loving, compassionate, caring guy , who also has kids, and couldn't be happier. It just takes time, the right special guy, and someone who knows from where you are coming from. The key is to keep yourself open to any and all possibilities. And just when you are about to give it all up, there he is...
 
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Tashaleena is offline Tashaleena Post #18  June 26,2009, 6:33pm
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HI I think there is no "THE ONE" the one is the one who you will meet who will you love you 1st and foremost and then will love your children as his own! Same as everyother situation, similar live values, priorities, similar interests.... ext ext ext... They are out there just be a great mom and do what you can and help out in the community and you will be "noticed"! you have allot more to offer then us that are not mothers...
 
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singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #19  June 26,2009, 9:31pm
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ktxmom,

Hang in there! I know it's tough. I'm a single mom of 2 (12-for 4 more days- & 7). My ex is that nightmare ex that is involved only as he chooses to be which varies greatly from time to time.

There are men out there who don't mind a woman who has children and other responsibilities. In the last couple of years, I have dated a man who had children close to the same ages as my own, a man who has a grown son, and my current bf who has no children of his own.

Pay no attention to the few posters who try to tell you that you don't have any options. As you can see from my experience, you do have some options, but you may have to be really patient.

My advice to you is that you must be really careful to protect yourself and your kids. It's really easy to fall for anyone when you start feeling a little desperate or start feeling like you have no choices. Take it easy on yourself and know that you're ok whether you find that special someone immediately or not.
 
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ktxmom is offline ktxmom Post #20  June 26,2009, 10:38pm
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DIVISION wrote :
First of all, you don't bring your son on a date unless it's OK with the guy because it shows a lack of consideration.
First of all it wasn't a date. I had asked him to drive me out to my sister's work the day before to pick up some tickets. I am new to the area and don't really know my way around. I waited to hear back from him and didn't hear so I had stopped by his place to ask him if he wouldn't mind and he had told me he didnt...and yes he knew I had kids from the get go.
Men don't like having someone's kids forced on them.
I wasn't forcing my son on him thank you very much

I think you need to come to the reality that it's going to be harder for you simply because you're a single mother.
naw really?? gee I would have never known that!!
Men can easily date women who are single without baggage, so you're really competing with all the single women for the same men.
Gee thanks for the vote of confidence...

Unless a guy already has kids and can empathize with you, he's probably going to see the kids as a distraction and extra baggage unless he has alot of patience.

Why did you consider this before when you were having kids?
Don't you think that this is a little uncalled for? does it ever occur to you that i was married!! Did I expect to get a divorce?no.

Did it ever occur to you that most men don't want to raise other men's kids, and that's why they date single women?
Just like you right...

You know what your nothing but rude, and I would rather be single any day than put up with someone like you!!!
Now unless you have something nice to say do me a favor, and dont speak to me or in this thread period!!
 
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