mood swings/divorce or am i getting old


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bekka74 is offline bekka74 Post #1  June 18,2009, 11:46am
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after 16 and 1/2 years of being with my husband i filed for divorce. i put up with drug addiction, medical problems, suicide threats, infidelity and more. after awhile i became numb and could be told anything or even tell a very emotional event but have no emotions myself. now im 6 months into the divorce process and the normal never cry person i was is crying a few times a week. now i actually have emotions. my question is..is this normal? after not tuning into my emotions for years are they finally coming out or at the age of 35 am i getting old and going through "the change". please help me people. do any of you going through a divorce and setting out on your own feel lost and alone. are you ready to cry when a friend says something that you shouldn't cry about but somehow brought out an emotion you didn't know was there? and yes the crying is always a reaction to something that is said to me not just out of the blue.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #2  June 18,2009, 1:56pm
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bekka, I don't believe for a second that this has anything to do with getting older and going through "the change." I think (and I am in no way any kind of an expert) that you have swallowed your emotions for so long that they're finally coming out whenever the opportunity presents itself.

You've been through a heck of a lot, and you're going through even more with the divorce. It sounds like there's been quite a burden to bear on your shoulders, and now that it's being lifted, you're getting back in touch with what it's like to feel again. If you haven't thought about it, consider seeking counseling to help you work through these emotions. It does work and it can help.

Best wishes to you.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #3  June 18,2009, 2:39pm

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Why did it take you so long to decide to divorce him? The best outlook to have, is that your getting a second chance to redo your life again? A Restart without him.
Do you have children? Maybe a little therapy would help to overcome some of the pain, but you gave yourself a 2nd. chance and things will get better.

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tumbleweed is offline tumbleweed Post #4  June 18,2009, 3:25pm
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divorce is like a death,, something you both had once was so beautyful and has died,, with a death you have closher but with a devorce you are left with,, why???,, after 5 years i still ask why?
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #5  June 20,2009, 9:19am

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tumbleweed wrote :
divorce is like a death,, something you both had once was so beautyful and has died,, with a death you have closher but with a devorce you are left with,, why???,, after 5 years i still ask why?
Sometimes you have to get out of the car and change a flat tire in order to finish your trip! Crying over spilled milk is all well and good, but there comes a time to clean up the mess and get on with life. If you don't know the answer after five years you never will, but its time to move on or life will pass you bye.

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Last edited by Harvey7; June 20,2009 at 9:21am.
 
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Mokkesofie is offline Mokkesofie Post #6  June 20,2009, 10:02am
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tumbleweed wrote :
divorce is like a death,, something you both had once was so beautyful and has died,, with a death you have closher but with a devorce you are left with,, why???,, after 5 years i still ask why?
I was married for 33 years and there was nothing I couldn't cope with, nothing could touch me. My ex found a younger model and I broke completely down. It took me 3 years on medication (I had never in my life taken anything stronger than a Panodol for a headache), 3 years where I hardly left the house, could go for days on end without getting dressed or out of the bed, 3 years before I one day woke up and started getting on with life again. So no, it's not unusual.
 
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wishamee is offline wishamee Post #7  June 22,2009, 4:24pm
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bekka74 I think may people here have tried to reassure you in different ways.For many people, divorce is a lot harder than the media says it is. There are a lot of emotions involved and the death of a relationship, no matter how crummy, still can have stages of mourning attached. Try looking up stages of mourning or grief- you may actually find your emotional states explained in ways that would be familiar and reassuring.
One more thing- go see a good family doctor- tell the doc what's happening. He/she can keep an eye on your health and give you some good advice as you go through the process of deciding to divorce, doing it and then getting over it. See the doc more often when/if things come at you too much at once. The doc's advice can keep you healthier through it all. One less thing to manage all by yourself, for now.
 
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wishamee is offline wishamee Post #8  June 22,2009, 4:31pm
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PS - a little teasing joke for you_
At 35 are you getting old??? Yeah, LOL but not nearly as old as you are gonna be...

At 35 it's probably not your age so much as the big whammy of giving up on the marriage. BTDT
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #9  June 22,2009, 5:21pm
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Nothing to see here at all...

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It is more than normal, it is completely natural and very healthy!
16+ years is a long time. And by the sound of it, you didn't have an easy time of it.

My opinion - you made the right decision. Cry, laugh, be angry, talk to your friends about it, and even have an occasional (!) beer or a glass of wine to go with it. It's all part of coping, and the sooner your pain and anger is out, the better off you are going to be in the long term.

Best of luck!

PS. Crying helps release toxins out of the system, just an added benefit
 
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singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #10  June 22,2009, 5:57pm
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bekka, I was married for 12 years before I got divorced and went through a very similar experience. I cried for a long time. It will pass, but you may want to see your doctor, too. Sometimes, a good doctor can make some good, helpful suggestions. Don't worry--things will get better!
 
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