Marriage and weight gain question


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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #21  June 18,2009, 4:02am
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I think Harvey's point about your wife turning to food as she is missing the affection from you might be worth considering. You have said her that you don't feel physically attracted to her now that she is heavier. She may well be picking up on that thus feels undesirable so turns to food and so the cycle begins. Her weight gain is possibly the symptom, not the problem.

I think what needs to be addressed first is the lack of intimacy in your marriage. To me that is the bigger issue. Two people in a healthy loving relationship don't lose interest in sex because one or both have gained weight. Tell her you miss making love to her, get her to communicate and if necessary, go to couples counseling. It's clear you love your wife and want to make things work so initiate the communication. I'm not saying you should do all the work, all the time but taking those first few steps may just be the push she needs. Once you get your relationship back on track, with or without outside help, the weight issue will be a much easier problem to tackle.
 
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1passionatefem is offline 1passionatefem Post #22  June 18,2009, 11:28am
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When was the last time you "dated" your wife? Do you remember the things you did for her in the beginning? Seems also the romance maybe gone and she does not feel intimancy with you. Start slow-call her up when at work and ask her out for Saturday night-make dinner reservations-and or to a show she would enjoy. Is she a flowers kinda girl? If not, get her a car. Tell her in a sweet and loving affection way what you miss about your life with her-and show her what you miss about your sex life-spend time on her. Create the atmosphere for romance and rebuild the intimancy again in your marriage. Reconnect with your wife.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #23  June 18,2009, 12:15pm
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1passionatefem wrote :
When was the last time you "dated" your wife? Do you remember the things you did for her in the beginning? Seems also the romance maybe gone and she does not feel intimancy with you. Start slow-call her up when at work and ask her out for Saturday night-make dinner reservations-and or to a show she would enjoy. Is she a flowers kinda girl? If not, get her a car.
A car would be great!

But even a card would be nice...lol.

(A typo, I know, but it really gave me a laugh. Thumbs up on the advice!)
 
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AppleRN is offline AppleRN Post #24  June 18,2009, 12:50pm
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I understand that it's hard for women to stay in shape, especially after marriage-children-hormonal changes, etc but a woman who's comfortable gaining 50lbs in 10yrs is purely LAZY/lacks the motivation to exercise. At the end of the day, a woman that lacks the motivation to lose weight will never do so, no matter what you try! She has to want it first before she works at it.

I also don't understand how people can claim to be emotionally unhappy then eat themselves to obesity..........is that supposed to make you more happy? If you're unhappy, drop the bon bons and see a therapist to find out whats wrong rather than focus on food.

P.S: this applies to those women who'd rather blame emotional problems for their obesity. Let's call it what it is, you're just lazy and don't care about yourself. Health problems are understandable because nobody ever wishes that on themselves.
 
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liasophiagirl is offline liasophiagirl Post #25  June 18,2009, 1:11pm
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I think it's important to realize that 50 lbs over 10 years does not mean his wife is gorging herself with food, or it could. But it's not safe to assume that is the case, it's an average of 5 lbs a year, and children, work, stress, childbirth, marital issues, etc. could all be contributing factors, not necessarily a need for instant gratification fulfilled by eating.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #26  June 18,2009, 1:18pm
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AppleRN wrote :
P.S: this applies to those women who'd rather blame emotional problems for their obesity. Let's call it what it is, you're just lazy and don't care about yourself. Health problems are understandable because nobody ever wishes that on themselves.
Without knowing more about the OP's wife and her concerns (or even her health and weight), let's please refrain from calling her or others with the same problem names. As has been discussed in countless threads here, obesity is a serious and complex problem that typically involves both psychological and biological/biochemical factors. Gaining 5 pounds a year can in fact be surprisingly easy (just 50 extra calories a day) and certainly doesn't require that one be lazy.

The focus here should be on the OP's connection/communication with his wife and restoring the intimacy in the marriage that he wants very much to sustain.
 
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JTF is offline JTF Post #27  June 18,2009, 1:38pm
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sabete2002 wrote :
Two people in a healthy loving relationship don't lose interest in sex because one or both have gained weight.
I'm curious, what is your justification for this statement? I'm not saying you're wrong, but it seems to me that your statement warrants further explanation. Physical attraction is obviously an important part of a healthy sexual relationship and, even if all other parts of a relationship are in good shape, a significant weight gain can lessen one's sexual interest.
 
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Bandmate is offline Bandmate Post #28  June 18,2009, 3:18pm

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neardc wrote :
Without knowing more about the OP's wife and her concerns (or even her health and weight), let's please refrain from calling her or others with the same problem names. As has been discussed in countless threads here, obesity is a serious and complex problem that typically involves both psychological and biological/biochemical factors. Gaining 5 pounds a year can in fact be surprisingly easy (just 50 extra calories a day) and certainly doesn't require that one be lazy.

The focus here should be on the OP's connection/communication with his wife and restoring the intimacy in the marriage that he wants very much to sustain.


Countless excuses have been made in countless threads...the only complexity involved is sorting through them all.
 
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graceventually is offline graceventually Post #29  June 18,2009, 3:28pm
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Bandmate wrote :
Countless excuses have been made in countless threads...the only complexity involved is sorting through them all.
So then, what's your advice?

Seems to me some good advice has already been given here....it sounds like a real lack of communication in this marriage (on both sides, in all likelihood), and addressing that is going to be the first step in solving the problem.
 
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AppleRN is offline AppleRN Post #30  June 18,2009, 3:29pm
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neardc wrote :
Without knowing more about the OP's wife and her concerns (or even her health and weight), let's please refrain from calling her or others with the same problem names. As has been discussed in countless threads here, obesity is a serious and complex problem that typically involves both psychological and biological/biochemical factors. Gaining 5 pounds a year can in fact be surprisingly easy (just 50 extra calories a day) and certainly doesn't require that one be lazy.

The focus here should be on the OP's connection/communication with his wife and restoring the intimacy in the marriage that he wants very much to sustain.
Did you read the part of my post that excused medical reasons for obesity? I guess you didn't but don't tell me what to refrain from because we're all adults.

The problem is some big people would rather blame everything in the world than themselves for their obesity.. If you have emotional problems then don't stuff your face with fattening foods because they'll only exacerbate the initial problem- soon the person will not only be depressed because they just are, they'll also be depressed because they're fat. See a therapist and learn new coping mechanisms rather than finding comfort in food.

Back to the original comment: Your wife will never face the reasoning for her wt gain till she confronts the problem. This will probably require a 3rd party but at the end of the day, she has to learn that eating is not an appropriate coping mechanism.
 
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