Trust issues continued

He didn't put any money into this car until just recently, like I said. The issue now is that he will lose money if he tries to sell it because of the worth of the car vs what is owed on it. It affected my credit as well. I don't know why I even gave him the car to begin with, I guess I just didn't want to hurt him anymore if I couldn't pay on time. I'm just hurt, as I'm sure he is as well. We are still seeing eachother but I have some anger about all of this yet I don't feel I have the right to express it to him.

Hello, I am new here, but I had a similiar situation happen a few yrs back in my current relationship and I couldn't help but want to share my experience and maybe some insight with you.

I however in my experience financed the entire loan for my b/f as he could not after damaged credit from a previous divorce and lord knows what else. Much I did not know at the time, but he had moved in with me and my daughter, I was head over heals and thought we were getting married down the road. He also convinced me to get myself a new car too, hence I financed over 40 grand on a almost minimum wage income, but I had worked hard to repair my credit from my past and it had reached near perfect a 798 score so everyone wanted to sell to me at he time. The payment for mine was much higher then my previous loan too but he promised to pay the diff on mine, "just hurry up so we can go". Well, he never helped me. He did pay his on time for 3yrs except for one, while I continuously struggled to keep my car. Then he took the car and moved states away to Vegas of all places after loosing his license from multiple dui's. I was FREAKING out. Everything in my name etc. I then like a fool in love, followed him, car packed with my daughter. 4monthes later I left and moved back to my home town. He eventually followed me, but let the car be reposessed with 3yrs left on the loan. I believe the bank has written it off now, but they called me wanting 8,000.00 and of course, nothing I could do about that. All in all, my credit is horribly scarred from that and other things he put in my name without my permission and left me holding the bag and my car always behind or late etc. You all may ask, what is this girl thinking still being with him, yes "I know", love makes a fool. As for your problem, he "co signed" which means, your name should be on it too and this "other friend" driving it, making payment or not, is putting you both in jeopardy, legally/financially. If their insurance gets dropped, they don't carry high enough premium, they lose their license, or really hurt someone, etc. It comes back on both of you. He is a "co signer". That doesn't give him the only "say". You have the money invested and your name on it too! You absolutely SHOULD be hurt that he doesn't seem to care. Honey, woman to woman, he is not looking out for YOUR best interest or your daughters. Only his. It's not right, but it's where you are at and I still have times like that in my relationship as well. As much as you care for him and probably still will, just like I do for mine, I can tell you first hand, you have got to look out for yourself FIRST, then your daughter. His opinion/feelings come 3rd. Just as yours are not first on his list "in this case". If you can't afford to reimburse the fellow driving it currently, let him finish out the month and go REPO your own car. I have a friend who owns a repo company, actually the one who repo'd the one I financed my b/f and mine has been repo'd twice and luckily i've managed to convince the bank to give it back. I now have 5 payments left. You have every right to do it. Your b/f is just gonna have to suck it up if his credit gets a little damaged or be a real man and help out once in a while. That's the choice he made signing in the first place. That doesn't mean "taking care of you/your kids" forever. It means be your "friend, be there when times are tough". I pay all my own bills and half the rent costs, but he helps out once in a while. Sometimes it's just a short term loan, but the effort goes both ways when someone really cares. Not just you worrying about him getting hurt or his credit. He will probably get upset when you take the car back, but you are upset now and no skin off his nose right? He'll get over it eventually. Like I said, he really has no choice since both your names are on it. Why sit back and let your investment go to waste and be stuck in a car that could die at anytime anywhere? Not to mention, if you couldn't finance it on your own before, how will you get anything better now? I am a true giver, lover, bleeding heart, whatever ppl want to call it. I'm saving the world, but one day I woke up and realized that, I can still help ppl and walk lightly on their feelings, but first I had to find that "backbone" ppl close to me kept talking about and put myself and my daughter first and if it doesn't hurt us or have a possible negative future effect, then absolutely I help anyway I can. Just keep telling yourself this, the door MUST swing BOTH ways, in any relationship whether it's romantic or even just a girlfriend. That doesn't mean the relationship must end, it means don't put yourself out on a limb for someone who isn't holding out their hand to catch you! If he wants to play the cop out about supporting you fine, just don't give more then you are getting. Financially/emotionally/physically. Best of luck. I truely know how you are feeling. I am sorry and wish I could give you more then just words from the heart. Keep your chin up!

Sincerely, dragonflydreams=)

I really appreciate all of the replies about this issue. Okay so I asked him last night what exactly is it that he doesn't trust me about. His response was that I didn't hold up my end of the deal with my car. Let me give you some background on that....about 18 months ago he co-signed for me to get a car. I made all the payments on time except for this past March and April. He told me to let him know if I was ever having a hard time and couldn't make the payment because he didn't want it to effect his credit. I told him that I needed help in March but he told me to figure it out since he wasn't in any position to help me. I couldn't come up with the payment for those 2 months so it became over 30 days late and therefore went on his credit report. My mom ended up loaning me the money to get caught up so I wouldn't lose my car but the following week he told me to just bring him the car so he could try and sell it yet we are both on the loan papers. I owe twice as much as the car is worth so if he does sell it he will take a big hit on it and lose a lot of money. I never wanted that to happen to him, I never wanted it to go on his credit and that is why I asked him for help to begin with. The car was late on the registration by a month because I couldn't even afford to register it. I just needed a little help to get back on track and now I'm having to drive the car I gave to my daughter which isn't very reliable. I lost all the money that I have put into making payments for 18 months plus the money I put down on it. He is letting one of his friends drive it and make payments to him, and he even went and got the brakes done and paid for the registration. Why couldn't he have just helped me?

With all that said, he tells me that he didn't sign on to support me financially. I have kids from a previous marriage, and he does as well but I never once asked him to take care of me or my kids. Maybe I'm out of line here but I'm hurt that I no longer have my car and even more hurt that he is okay with it.

So that is why he said he doesn't trust me!! OUCH!!!