Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Relationships Relationships: they have their ups and their downs. Share your joy or weather the storm in this discussion board.

Reply
Page 23 of 23 « First 13 21 22 23
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
wishamee wishamee is offline
wishamee's Avatar

wishamee has really enjoyed touring her State this summer.

Pacesetter

Join Date: Dec 2008

Posts: 261

See profile

FaithNGod wrote :

When it comes to relationships nothing is gained if nothing is risked. Love requires risk and sacrifice to be a lasting love. For me the value of honesty, humility, commitment and forgiveness are among the few to determine a sucessful relationship. Life will throw everything at you to break up the vows and promise made to oneanother. It HAS to be a concious decision by both to seek the others best interest and honor our decision in choosing our spouse. We are only responsible to do our part and hope we chose wisely that our spouse will do theirs.
 Unfortunitly we choose unwisely. I am one who choose unwisely and had to suffer for my decision. I had taken my experience and used it to make myself a complete man for the next woman I will risk with in love. I believe that their are both men and women still out there who are value based to produce a beautiful and lasting marriage.
One thing that is wrong with relationships is we dont give enough time to get past how perfect the other is to see their faults and determine if their faults are acceptible to us. I am looking for a woman who is able to accept me inspite of my faults and I accept her inspite of hers. We have to stop being afraid and just be real. Dont make yourself out to be someone that you are not. Be true to your self.
Welcome to the boards, FaithNGod. You have a thoughtful post. I highlighted a few line I really liked. I'm going to think about the line concerning how far our responsibility goes though. I think sometimes we must do more than simply what we see as OurPart and hope our partner does the same. Sometimes we have to do more work than we think we should. Of course, in another part you wisely say at times there is sacrifice. You are right.

I agree that we need to try to choose wisely in finding a partner to make a good match at taking the commitment seriously. Wootz is right- to make it last, go for love not lust. And I do like your addition of forgiveness. To me, that should be part of love and commitment. I don't think anyone could have a successful relationship without it.
- June 29th, 2009, 10:23 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#221   Reply With Quote
GILKEY GILKEY is offline
GILKEY's Avatar

Quick Study

Join Date: Mar 2009

Posts: 147

See profile

last12C wrote :
Oh nuts! The conflict resolution stuff didn't come from a book. It came from overhead handouts from a class I took years ago and there are no credits on them.

One series of books that I do think contain some useful information is the "Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense" series written by Suzette Haden Elgin. I say some because although there is viable theoretical value, some of the examples of "comebacks" used seem a bit snipey to me (I'd smack somebody upside the haid if they used them on me ). But she does have an interesting take on how to short-circuit a hostility loop and diffuse arguments.

Here's a simplistic example, but if you compare your emotional reactions to it you might be able to see the value:

A Typical argument:

Her: WHY can't you EVER put anything aWAY where it BELONGS? I don't have TIME to pick up after you!

Him: What do you MEAN, you have to pick up after me? You DO NOT! I DO put things back where they're supposed to be!

Her: Oh YEAH? Then WHY can't I find the SCISsors? YOU had them LAST, you know!

Short-circuiting the hostility instead of feeding it:

Her: WHY can't you EVER put anything aWAY where it BELONGS? I don't have TIME to pick up after you!

Him: It's really irritating when things aren't where they belong.

Her: It sure is! I can't find the scissors, and I really need them. Do you know where they are?

(Notice: his comeback is neutral, with no tonal emphasis, compassionate / uniting rather than escalating the hostility).

Like I said, simplistic, but you get the drift.
Interesting~! Sounds like something Zig Ziglar discusses in his book Courtship After Marriage
- July 19th, 2009, 04:22 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#222   Reply With Quote
Reply
Page 23 of 23 « First 13 21 22 23

Bookmarks

« How do you make recovery from a fight | Array | It's been a crazy relationship, Should I let it continue? »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ He knows the abuse wasn't sexual, and he knows I am not gay or bisexual.” – charity8987

Join the “Argh, screwed up with new guy.” discussion

“my dream color is medium red brown with auburn tones” – jtwark

Join the “L'Oréal's 'Find Your Fall Hair Color' Sweepstakes!” discussion

“all, or most of my matches lately have been people that never reply to the first step of communication or their profile says to contact them on facebook. it seems to me that these profiles are people ... ” – Coca-Cola

Join the “matches dont respond/their profile says contact them on face book” discussion

“sounds like things are going great! i'd suggest that you just keep doing whatever it is you are doing. and don't sweat the little things.” – notyet

Join the “always so paranoid” discussion

“"Billed in one installment of $239.40" means, "Billed once for $239.40." Pardon me for saying this, but if I had less than $40 in my bank account, buying an eHarmony subscription will be the least ... ” – Coca-Cola

Join the “eHarmony payment plans” discussion

“ Call them!” – Coca-Cola

Join the “FCW - Interesting Problem” discussion

“It appears the OP hasn't participated in EhA since she login and posed her question initially. We all come to these advise boards with so many different backgrounds...in fact I wrote another post on ... ” – RoxyRedhead

Join the “Frustrated & Confused: Is He A Sexual Addict???” discussion

“Darn..is that it..the first sign of awkwardness and kapowie/ shoot the relationship down.Here we haver 2 introverts without, apparently, heaps of experience, looking not for a way to end it, but for ... ” – RoxyRedhead

Join the “what to do... second guessing myself” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:30 am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0