justme41 is offline justme41 Post #1  June 15,2009, 9:37am
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Hi Everyone, I'm new here so bare with me. I will try to make this simple. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. I thought that we had a very strong connection in all aspects of our relationship but this morning he just told me that he doesn't trust me! I don't mean trust as in cheating either, cuz I asked him that and he said it has nothing to do with cheating. He doesn't trust me about other things but wouldn't tell me what they were. He told me that I shouldn't even worry about it if I know in my heart that I haven't done anything wrong. I feel that without trust then we really have nothing because now I will always feel like I'm walking on eggshells, wondering if I'm going to do something that will make him not trust me even more. I'm so confused and irratated right now!! I told him if he doesn't trust me then that is his issue to deal with but at the same time how can I be with someone that doesn't trust me? Any input would be very much appreciated.
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #2  June 15,2009, 10:54am
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Is he picking a fight to gain a reason to end the relationship?

You need to have a serious discussion with him (outside of the bedroom). Tell him that you completely don't understand what he is talking about and would like an explanation.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  June 15,2009, 11:09am
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Either he is trying to pick a fight with you to end the relationship or he is attempting to control you by messing with your head like that and forcing you to be paranoid and walking on eggshells.

Either way, I would sit him down and have a serious conversation about this and demand that he explain himself in crystal clear terms. If he does not or refuses, personally, I would run as fast as I can.
 
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justme41 is offline justme41 Post #4  June 15,2009, 11:16am
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When I asked him what I did for him to not trust me his response was that if I don't know then he wasn't going to tell me. What is that? I mean for all I know he might not trust me because I forgot something at the store, or because I may have said I would do something but just didn't do it, or anything like that. How can we be together if he doesn't trust me? Trust is such a huge issue in any relationship that without it how can it possibly survive?
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #5  June 15,2009, 11:29am
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justme41 wrote :
When I asked him what I did for him to not trust me his response was that if I don't know then he wasn't going to tell me. What is that? I mean for all I know he might not trust me because I forgot something at the store, or because I may have said I would do something but just didn't do it, or anything like that. How can we be together if he doesn't trust me? Trust is such a huge issue in any relationship that without it how can it possibly survive?
There is just not enough information here. If it's not infidelity, you're sincerely perplexed as to what the issue is, and he won't tell you, then a serious talk is in order. You've been together 2 years -- in theory, whatever trust issue he has with you has to be serious (not saying it is, just that is should be pretty bad to jeopardize what you two have built).

It's on him at this point. For you, it's just a matter of whether you'll give him another chance to explain himself.
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #6  June 15,2009, 12:03pm
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justme41 wrote :
When I asked him what I did for him to not trust me his response was that if I don't know then he wasn't going to tell me. What is that? I mean for all I know he might not trust me because I forgot something at the store, or because I may have said I would do something but just didn't do it, or anything like that. How can we be together if he doesn't trust me? Trust is such a huge issue in any relationship that without it how can it possibly survive?
At best, he's acting like a jerk.

Regardless it sounds like this relationship is done. As indicated above, this may just be a "control move".

Ask him one more time what the heck he is talking about, and if he gives the same B.S. as above, then say "Fine. Then we're done."
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #7  June 15,2009, 12:28pm
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justme41 wrote :
He doesn't trust me about other things but wouldn't tell me what they were. He told me that I shouldn't even worry about it if I know in my heart that I haven't done anything wrong. I feel that without trust then we really have nothing because now I will always feel like I'm walking on eggshells, wondering if I'm going to do something that will make him not trust me even more. I'm so confused and irritated right now!! I told him if he doesn't trust me then that is his issue to deal with but at the same time how can I be with someone that doesn't trust me? Any input would be very much appreciated.
Sounds like confused and walking on eggshells is where he wants you. Guilt tripping, just in case you even have an independent thought. This is very controlling behavior, distance yourself and set limits rather than give into this emotional blackmail
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  June 15,2009, 12:45pm
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It's not just trust but communication as well. If both are not strong, you don't have much of a relationship. His behavior is absurd and that's putting it mildly.

Again, if I were in your shoes, I would literaly sit him down and ask him one more time to explain himself and to communicate to me his problem. I would also be blunt and tell him point blank that I do not appreciate his behavior and will not tolerate it. If I got more of this kind of nonsensical bs I would tell him that it's high time for him to move out of my life. I would not want to be in that kind of a relationship.
 
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BobinFla is offline BobinFla Post #9  June 15,2009, 8:25pm
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If this happened to me, I would say "bye, good luck". Whether or not one party has been given reason to not trust the other, it will never go anywhere unless that trust is there. One one hand, he could be setting you up. So be careful and do what you feel is best for you.
 
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simplemind is offline simplemind Post #10  June 15,2009, 10:19pm
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Just going to reinforce what you're hearing here so beautifully put by so many good souls: You don't have enough information, and he is withholding that information. Whatever his reason, this ends up putting you in a bad spot--anxious, unsure, and not able to relax and be yourself.
If he cannot tell you exactly what is bothering him, then you will always be on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Ask him. Listen to his answer.

If he won't answer, that IS an answer. It tells you he won't play fair with you and then you have to decide if you want to stay in that situation.

Wishing you good luck in a hard spot, and hoping you can do what is best for you.
 
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