indoubt29 is offline indoubt29 Post #1  June 12,2009, 11:00pm
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I've been in USA for more than 10 years,I've dated few guys and had only one serious relationship, but as I got older I star thinking about settling down; for me marriage is a sacred thing, I 'd not play with it, but as a christian I 've found myself in a torment, in doubt if I ever will be able to find the right guy and if my migratory status will be a problem.
I own to much to this country, not just the opportunity to be able of have a better life, but to help my family in my own country, and even when I can visit them I still think that I made the right decition.
I wonder if is OK to get to now guys without telling them about this matter, only if the relationship grows stronger and I trust in them, but don't know if this would made me a dishonest person.or a liar;I know this topic has a lot of controversity,because there is people who is in pro of immigrant and there is some that are not.
Anyway, please your opinion is important,
God bless you!
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #2  June 12,2009, 11:38pm
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uh, it sounds like you're undocumented and documentation is not in the works... in which case, i'd say that is and will be a problem. if i were in such a situation, i'd play my cards close.
 
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When_I_See_You_Smile is offline When_I_See_You_Smile Post #3  June 12,2009, 11:54pm
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I'm not sure I understand your question. First of all, are you a U.S. citizen?

If you are, and you're just concerned about explaining to a potential partner, that you were not born in the U.S., I don't think you have anything to worry about.

The U.S. has traditionally been a melting pot for immigrants. I can't imagine why anyone would look down on you for choosing America as your home.

Now, people do have strong opinions about illegal immigrants. But, if you're legit, then you shouldn't have anything to worry about, especially when it comes to getting married in the U.S.

The right guy for you is going to adore you, just as you are. He won't mind a bit, that you're an immigrant.

Best of luck to you!

WISYS
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #4  June 13,2009, 3:41am
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indoubt29
Welcome to the US!

We definitely are a melting pot as one poster pointed out. I do not think there is one person who was born here that can claim to be of just one ethnicity. To the vast majority of Americans, being an immigrant does not mean much as our ancestors were all immigrants at one time or another. What does matter to us all is if you are in the country illegally. I think since you have been in the US for 10 years you must know by now the main reasons Americans are so concerned about illegal immigration. We work hard for our money, so we do not like seeing it paying for healthcare for illegals nor the amount of money spent dealing with illegals who get into trouble with our legal system. We have enough criminals here without importing more.

If you are legal I would not hesitate to let the people you date know your status. I would also let them know if you are planning on obtaining your citizenship too and when. This lets them know that you are not after them as a means to gain citizenship. Good luck
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #5  June 13,2009, 5:24am
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I don't see why being an immigrant would hinder your dating experience. I am one and it hasn't hurt me, in fact, quite the opposite!

Now, if you are here illegally, some people might take issue with that. As you know, it has become quite a hot topic in the past few years. There may be some who view your interest in them as a way of getting yourself documented. If you are a green card holder or have become a citizen, I don't see there is a problem at all. The US has a history of welcoming people from all over the world.
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #6  June 13,2009, 7:07am
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sabete2002 wrote :
I don't see why being an immigrant would hinder your dating experience. I am one and it hasn't hurt me, in fact, quite the opposite!

Now, if you are here illegally, some people might take issue with that. As you know, it has become quite a hot topic in the past few years. There may be some who view your interest in them as a way of getting yourself documented. If you are a green card holder or have become a citizen, I don't see there is a problem at all. The US has a history of welcoming people from all over the world.
My thoughts exactly....the OP should make it clear that she is not looking for citizenship status, is gainfully employed, self-sufficient, and not looking for someone to take care of her or help her bring her family to the U.S.

A co-worker of mine married a person that did not have citizenship and within 9 years he had practically made it possible for most of her family members to emigrate to America...then she divorced him and wound up getting most of his earnings in the divorce settlement. They did not have any children from the marriage, but he adopted her two sons and also had to pay child support after the divorce. He is a bitter man now...but we all tried to warn him to use common sense and move slow, and he would not listen.

Everyone knows someone that has a 'horror' story, so I would suggest to the OP that she be honest about her status, and assure her dates that she can stand on her own two feet, and is looking for love and companionship like everyone else on EH. That should alleviate any misgivings.

To the OP: We are all immigrants in this great country. The only real natives are the American Indians. So, don't worry too much about your status. Just keep on working hard towards citizenship...allow people to judge you on your character and not your citizenship status...and everything will work out for you. I wish you well in your travels..and a hearty welcome to American citizenship!
Last edited by legend29; June 13,2009 at 8:26am.
 
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FromFarAway is offline FromFarAway Post #7  June 13,2009, 3:28pm
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Ahh... online dating is complicated. As it has been said before, the grass is always greener. Why spend time dating an immigrant when there are so many American citizens in the pool, why risk getting into trouble with an illegal and go through all the mess when there are much easier and more secure options. Why contacting a bartender when there are phds in your list of matches. The first impression is based not on your character, but on the presentation.
I was not born in this country either. Moved as a young adult, speak English fluently, but with an accent. Here, in this country, I've achieved more than I could have ever hoped for when I was planning my immigration. Yet, dating was never on the list of my achievements. And that given I have absolutely nothing to hide and my status is completely legal. From my experience, not disclosing your immigration status on the first date may get you further, to the point where it is up to you to open up and make that impression that you really want them to see. But sooner or later the subject will come up. And if there is something that gives away you are a foreigner (say, an accent, for example), the subject will come up very soon. Disclosing your status right away *will* turn away many. Something tells me that you are indeed illegal, in which case it is even more complicated. And not just because people do not approve of illegal immigration, but also because very few will be willing to commit in helping you getting out of the mess.

As much as I hate to say this, but if you want *any* chance of getting into a serious relationship, you will have to keep your discussions away from your status until the time is right... Although, it is absolutely unfair to the other person, and the worst thing you can do is lying about it...

Welcome to the board and best of luck on the dating scene.
 
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indoubt29 is offline indoubt29 Post #8  June 16,2009, 12:32pm
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My thoughts exactly....the OP should make it clear that she is not looking for citizenship status, is gainfully employed, self-sufficient, and not looking for someone to take care of her or help her bring her family to the U.S.


To the OP: We are all immigrants in this great country. The only real natives are the American Indians. So, don't worry too much about your status. Just keep on working hard towards citizenship...allow people to judge you on your character and not your citizenship status...and everything will work out for you. I wish you well in your travels..and a hearty welcome to American citizenship![/quote]
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Thanks for your opinion . And yes I'm able to support myself, I'm not looking for someone just to get the citizenship if that where the case I had done that long time ago!but is not. I'm single and I don't have kids.The only thing I'm looking for is a partner to share my life with....I can find a lot of "partners" but not everyone has the qualities I'm looking for.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  June 16,2009, 1:53pm
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legend29 wrote :
...then she divorced him and wound up getting most of his earnings in the divorce settlement. They did not have any children from the marriage, but he adopted her two sons and also had to pay child support after the divorce.

[FONT=Calibri]I was about to say I never thought to care where my dates were from, but maybe I should?
 
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wishamee is offline wishamee Post #10  June 16,2009, 6:01pm
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I think having citizenship or not can be a very serious piece of information the other person should have while they are starting to like you., before they might fall in love. You could be separated or involve that person in expensive legal proceedings to keep you together if something goes wrong with your status in this country. How fair is that to keep a secret like that? I'm sure you will know that person's attitude toward non-citizens and undocumented non-citizens long before love is too deep. Trust the other person to make the decision that is best for them in the real situation. Be fair. You could still be together if it goes well.
 
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