I hope someone can help me


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rebelgrl90 is offline rebelgrl90 Post #1  June 7,2009, 8:56pm
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I hope there is someone out there that is willing to read what I am about to let off my shoulders. I have this trust problem. I am constantly thinking that the guy im with is going to flirt with girls when im not around or cheat. People say cheaters are the ones that worry. I am not a cheater though. Im 19 and ive always wanted a man in my life. People say its because my mother has raised me and my father hasnt been here. I have no confidence and I really need help on how to deal with trusting a man. This sounds so bad but I see that advice on here is really good. The guy im with now is 21. Does anyone know if thats the age guys will cheat the most? He works from 8 -4 430. This I know for a fact but im so worried that he is going to cheat. I do get emotional sometimes with him but I treat him very well. I show him that I love and care for him. I dont want him to get any ideas to cheat. This cheating things is driving me crazy. I know that im his first girlfriend. Hes had flings with girls though. Should I worry about that? His family tells me he has a good heart and that im the only girl that hes brought around alot. We were together and then we split up and he met this girl they talked for months but they were officially together. His family tells me that she is nothing for me to worry about. I really need some answers. I probably sound like a crazy person. Im hoping some of what I just let off of my shoulders can lead someone to give me advice. Oh and its not that i have a cheating instinct with him its with guys from the past too. but i really love this guy and i want us to have a good relationship. I just dont want him to cheat.
Last edited by rebelgrl90; June 7,2009 at 8:57pm. Reason: mispelled word
 
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trythisonforsize is offline trythisonforsize Post #2  June 7,2009, 9:14pm
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calm down! Whats really gonna knock your brain is "are you gonna cheat on him just because you think hes gonna cheat on you?" There is no cetain age that guys tend to cheat at. Guy's cheat at any age. I'm not saying all guys cheat either. Why dont you just talk to him about it. If you keep acting like that around him hes probably going to dump you. How do you know you love him? how long have you been going out with him? Just cause you love him doesnt mean he loves you.
 
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JTF is offline JTF Post #3  June 7,2009, 10:43pm
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I'm sorry you're having trust issues...that can be tough to deal with. Obviously, trust is an important part of a meaningful relationship, and it must be developed over time. You can't be faulted for not wanting your partner to cheat (no one wants this!!), but unfounded jealousy can be damaging to a relationship, especially a burgeoning one.

Is there something specific about his personality or past actions that cause you to be worried that he will cheat? Something tells me there is, but perhaps I'm wrong.

Regarding your age question...there are men of all ages who cheat, and there are men of all ages who are faithful. I don't think you should concern yourself too much with the age issue.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #4  June 7,2009, 10:50pm

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is this the same man that is a felon and your mother doesn't want you to move in with?
 
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rebelgrl90 is offline rebelgrl90 Post #5  June 7,2009, 10:50pm
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Thank you. My boyfriend has a different personality from most guys. He tells me that he loves me and he admits that he doesnt show it as much as I do. But..hes comftorable around me. He helps me out when I need it..but when hes sleeping hes a bit moody..I think most men are... I really just wish I could read his mind. Do you know how to tell if a man is going to be faithful? Or what to do to make it where a man will not even think about cheating.
 
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rebelgrl90 is offline rebelgrl90 Post #6  June 7,2009, 10:51pm
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yes. but that situation has been handled. I go back and forth from his house to my moms,
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #7  June 7,2009, 11:15pm

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my advice would be to quit the men for a while and go to college, get a job you love and support yourself for a while. Figure out who you are as a woman and then think about dating- after that you won't need to ask these kind of questions.
 
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JTF is offline JTF Post #8  June 7,2009, 11:20pm
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rebelgrl90,

There is no surefire way to determine whether or not a person will cheat, but it is generally useful to look a person's past history. Has he ever admitted to cheating in past relationships? Has he ever mentioned being unfaithful? Does he flirt with other girls? Is he unreliable or untrustworthy in other areas of his life (such as with his job/school/family)? These can all be signals that he might have a problem with cheating.

It sounds like you feel that he might not love you as much as you love him. True? When you say that he has a "different personality", what do you mean? Is it in a good way or bad way? You also said that he is moody when sleeping. Do you mean sleepy? Presumably when he is sleeping, he is unconscious!

Sadly, there is no way to absolutely ensure that a person won't cheat. The best thing to do is to develop a strong relationship built upon honesty and love.
 
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rebelgrl90 is offline rebelgrl90 Post #9  June 7,2009, 11:22pm
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thank you
 
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soawesome is offline soawesome Post #10  June 7,2009, 11:59pm
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I tend to agree more with scarlet13. This doesn't seem to be at all about him or his issues. You are a young woman with a lot of insecurities. Get some counseling, get some schooling, get some more life (independently of a man) under your belt. Find out what you love about you and you won't worry about his faithfulness.
 
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