Cybersex and phone sex: Playing with fire or just a bit of harmless fun?


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neardc is offline neardc Post #1  June 5,2009, 1:31pm
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This is inspired by a thread here, where the OP was very distraught because his wife was engaged in ongoing cybersex and phone sex while he was working at another site, and would not stop despite promises to do so (the thread is now closed because it's old and the OP is apparently no longer on the site to read the responses).

A couple of scenarios:

1. He has been away from his family for several months (e.g., because of work at another job site or a military deployment). He finds out that his wife has been engaging in cybersex, which has escalated to phone sex as well -- all with strangers. He confronts her and she promises to quit. However, he "spies" on her account and finds out that she has continued to engage in this behavior. He confronts her again and she finally admits what she has been doing. She says she loves him and wants them to stay together. He also wants the marriage to survive.

2. She works nights and he works days. While on the computer one day she sees his email account open and notices a clearly sexual message. She opens it and finds out that her boyfriend has been engaging in cybersex. It is quickly apparent that he has been doing this with multiple women and that he has been frequenting websites for this purpose. When he gets home from work she confonts him. He replies by saying: "It's just for some release while you're at work. You don't have anything to worry about baby; you know I love you." She is still very upset and hurt and tells him that wants him to stop. He says that he will, but a couple of weeks later she discovers that he hasn't.

So, are cybersex and phone sex harmful to relationships? Are they a sign of trouble, or just harmless fun? Is it cheating? Does it make a difference whether the person engaging in this behavior is male or female? How would you feel if you discovered that your loved one was doing this? How about if they seemed unable to stop?

Discuss amongst yourselves.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  June 5,2009, 1:43pm
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NearDC, are you addicted?
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neardc is offline neardc Post #3  June 5,2009, 1:45pm
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[quote=D_Lion;632609]NearDC, are you addicted?
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #4  June 5,2009, 1:47pm
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I've always wondered how frogs type. I would think all that pond water would be bad for the keyboard.

It's a problem. If you're single and you don't have an obligation to a partner, maybe. But in a committed relationship, even if it's just a committment to be exclusive, absolutely not. On either side of the gender fence.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  June 5,2009, 1:50pm
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neardc wrote :
(And by the way, what the heck are you using eHA for? )

To flirt with Ladies and get them to want lots of cyber-sex!

How am I doing?
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #6  June 5,2009, 2:02pm
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D_Lion wrote :
To flirt with Ladies and get them to want lots of cyber-sex!

How am I doing?
If I start seeing little cyber-tadpoles swimming around here, then I'll know that you've been more than successful.
 
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HalfDaWoman is offline HalfDaWoman Post #7  June 5,2009, 2:07pm
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I read the thread, I think it's cheating. When you share an intimate act with anyone other than the person you have committed to be with, you are cheating. That is my opinion, anyway. If I found out my boyfriend or husband was doing it, I would feel cheated on and if I found myself tempted to do it while in a relationship I would feel as if I were cheating, no matter what the circumstances.
 
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HalfDaWoman is offline HalfDaWoman Post #8  June 5,2009, 2:08pm
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Let me say if I found myself tempted I would not do it because I would consider it cheating. I didn't say it exactly right above, oops.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #9  June 5,2009, 2:17pm
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HalfDaWoman wrote :
Let me say if I found myself tempted I would not do it because I would consider it cheating. I didn't say it exactly right above, oops.
Good clarification...lol!
 
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jcd1968 is offline jcd1968 Post #10  June 5,2009, 2:54pm
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It's defiantly playing with fire. Thoughts lead to desires, and desires lead to action. I don't know that it's cheating, but it isn't being faithful either.
 
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