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scarlet13 scarlet13 is offline
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scarlet13 How many Fates turn around in the overtime?

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i found a great smiley.

- June 8th, 2009, 03:29 pm
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Dafearon Dafearon is offline
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scarlet13 wrote :
what are you saying to the men who discuss s ex in that manner? what do you tell them about class and respect?

I truly would like to know.
I'm with Scarlet here. Its a terrible double standard where its okay for men to want sex alone, but if a woman does it, it cheapens her?

I'll even go farther to say that I myself felt cheap and hated myself at one point because I was in a FWB relationship where the woman was fine with it. It took great willpower for me to get out of that situation, and for her, i was just something fun and she didn't drop a beat when i disappeared.

I think both sexes have the ability to do so, as long as they themselves can live with it, it doesn't matter what society in general thinks. If one side can't live with it, problems tend to arise regardless of whether its the man or woman.
- June 8th, 2009, 03:44 pm
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skytime skytime is offline
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Dearest Harvey7 (cupcake)
Backdoor sex is a reference to sneaking someone into your home while not wanting others to know that you are. This is often associated with already being in a committed relationship. Thus the backdoor sneaking. If that is not what you intended then I am more than willing to consider that point though I would suggest that in the future that you respond as an adult to an adult and you rid yourself of that vipid chip on your shoulder as this is a place for adults to exchange ideas.
The question isn't: "Have you ever had a backdoor lover? Then how would you know that they are setting themselves up for much pain in the future or for a life of perpetual immaturity and selfishness using other people?"
I have already answered this. The real question is how is it that you do not know that the natural inclination of the human heart is for people who are mature or maturing to bond emmotionally and spiritually through sex and thus one or more of them is eventually setting themselves up for pain when the reality of their bonding needs to be a relationship built on the other important parts of human beings connecting and relating to one another. If this does not happen then one or both of them is in a state of arrested developement never rising to their potential as human beings which I do not wish on anyone though I understand that a lack of social conscience is a much easier path to support and espouse to others in a culture of moral relativity? I am sure that you can relate to this.
Take care cupcake.


Harvey7 wrote :
---------------------------------

"If people are having backdoor sex as you say while in committed relationships then they are setting themselves up for much pain in the future or for a life of perpetual immaturity and selfishness using other people?.

With all due respect, (Flyboy) where are you getting your information from? You are changing the intent of consenting adults having a friendship with benefits. You are the first one to throw in the term
"while in a committed relationship! Have you ever had a backdoor lover? Then how would you know that they are setting themselves up for much pain in the future or for a life of perpetual immaturity and selfishness using other people? Is it your best guess estimate or are you already perpetually immature and selfish? You can also take the chip off your shoulder it's a friendly exchange and not a dog fight.

Harvey7
- June 9th, 2009, 01:41 pm
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scarlet13 scarlet13 is offline
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scarlet13 How many Fates turn around in the overtime?

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- June 9th, 2009, 07:10 pm
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IcecreamMoon IcecreamMoon is offline
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IcecreamMoon Nothing to see here at all...

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keepitreal4love wrote :
response to icecreammoons story most women would not be able to do that for 6 months successfully without becoming hurt and a emotional mess when he left. no matter how you look at it you were basically his toy for 6 months. when he tells the same story to his buddies he doesnt describe it like you do he describes you as this piece of meat he was banging while he was out of town and he probably doesnt even remember your name. giving a guy your body without him ever having to committ is the last laugh a guy can ever get on a woman and any guy sees it as they pulled one over on the woman. fwb doesnt work in all cases the woman is cheapening herself there is no way to put a happy face on it.
1. he was here for 6 months, we were together for 4, but that's irrelevant
2. to me, FWB implies no emotional attachment. I did not have deep "feelings" for him and vice versa
3. we were 2 consenting adults enjoying each other's company in more ways than one. We went to theatre, art galleries, movies, etc, and yes, we also had sex.
4. yes, I was his toy to a degree, and he was mine. the point you seem to miss is that it was based on mutual understanding. If I was to adopt you stance, I could also say that all my friends are treating me as a toy, but in a platonic way.

You have a right to your opinion and I did put the story out there, so I can't tell you not to judge. I can only suggest for you to stay away fom cheap women...
Last edited by IcecreamMoon; June 9th, 2009 at 08:09 pm. Reason: spelling
- June 9th, 2009, 07:58 pm
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words_last words_last is offline
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It was asked
"what are you saying to the men who discuss sex in that manner? what do you tell them about class and respect?

I truly would like to know."
****
Gee, I think they are bores!!! I tell them directly if I think their talk is inappropriate. Smiling, because I believe they are afraid, as they are just not yet very perceptive and don't understand life in its deeper reasons very well, so they parade their yang-yangs around instead. It's all they know, unfortunately. 'Let's go to the locker room and compare!'

I think that the posts from 'Skytime' and 'keepitreal4love' have the most valuable content here, but unless and until a person is willing to learn from life at a more than superficial level (i.e. "I NEED wonky-wonk to live or I'll just DIE"), and acknowledge the value and power of their own soul as well as others', no matter what anyone says they can't learn it.

And when I was a wee girl of 19, I thought it was loads of fun to 'share' a few men with my best gal friend and just be 'friends'. But I realize now that there was no lasting value to it, in fact, as an experience it probably precipitated my 'settling' too fast when given the opportunity. And I am sure that feelings were hurt along the way. You could say, FWB's (hate that term) are self-esteem boosters in the short term, but quite the drag on it long-term. - Life is short - Life is long -
- June 10th, 2009, 10:21 am
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weestromrider weestromrider is offline
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Dyzee wrote :
I'd like to hear about the pros and cons from someone with first-hand experience with this type of a relationship.
I had a very successful FWB relationship when I was between SO's. It was someone I was NOT socially involved with at all (not a "friend") and also someone in whom I had no interest outside keeping the sexual pressure out of casual dating relationships while I looked for someone I wanted to be seriously involved with.

She knew exactly that and had the same feelings. Once I got involved with my now (as of last saturday) wife, I let her know, cut off contact with her and that was that. No hurt feelings, and two consenting adults had their physical needs fulfilled when neither of them was "relationship" material. (I was dealing with the emotional fallout from a messy breakup at the time.)
- June 10th, 2009, 01:31 pm
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weestromrider weestromrider is offline
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weestromrider had a GREAT weekend. The grounds continue to take shape.

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Wiseman2 wrote :
Agree with pros and cons statement. But have to wonder about women who are so easy. Hard to back up from that impression. If she wants to be like this with me, then that's how she tends to be with everyone? Definitely NOT long term material!
So what? Use protection, and all the better that its not long term material, SINCE THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR. Isn't it nicer to look for someone to BE long term material when the short term pressure of getting into her pants doesn't color your judgment or opinion of her? I like having that pressure removed so I can judge someone on their personality, not their suitability for my bedroom.
- June 10th, 2009, 01:50 pm
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marybear marybear is offline
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SoOverIt wrote :
Friends with benefits is not a relationship, it's an arrangement of convenience. My experience of it is, it's just not worthwhile at all. As a women I don't self combust if I fail to have sex for an extended period of time. It's just not that important to me.
No man I have ever met has been that good at sex that I'd be willing to become his plaything over it.

If you want sex on tap, call an escort agency. That's what they are there for, and even a prostitute values herself more by expecting you to pay for it. A lot of these new "liberating" ideas are nothing more than yet more ways for a woman to prove she has absolutely no self esteem.
It's not just about my becoming his plaything. It is about him becoming my plaything (as well) It is easy to be judgemental and all interaction between humans is complicated, but having sex with a friend is usually more rewarding than a Friday night pick up at a bar-----not a very safe thing to do. Friendship with benefits does not always work, but nothing always works. Let's face it, some of us like sex more than others. (not a judgement---just a fact) and what is good for one is not for another. This is just one option that does work for some (those who can find it)
- June 10th, 2009, 05:41 pm
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DyannaLynn DyannaLynn is offline
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I have a had a few over the years. There are pros and cons as always.

I fell into the feelings trap eventually. It was really hard to have the sex and the intimacy without the relationship. Short term is okay, a few weeks of booty call, but don't stick with it, your feeling will get sucked in. What was once a late night fun time turns into haning out and then sex, and then that turns into sleeping over. It feels like dating, but its not.

On the other hand, I had a no-intercourse but very beneficial friend who I spent the night with off and on for years without any problems.

It hasn't been my experience that a FWB will blossom into a relationship, usually it is the end of the friendship.

Choose carefully, but keep in mind you won't realise the error until it is too late. Or better yet, park behind the adult store and find ways to satisfy your own needs.
- June 15th, 2009, 06:38 pm
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