6.5yr Relationship..lies..what to do?


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GabbieChanel is offline GabbieChanel Post #1  June 3,2009, 4:48pm
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Before you read this I want people to remember that we are all human and please do not judge me.

I have been dating the same man on and off for 6.5years. We have had a lot of hurt and pain in our relationship, most of it caused my me. At the beginning of our relationship I cheated on him with my ex, I guess for a few reasons; He moved to Arizona and every single one of his friends were telling me that he was dating other women and there was no way that he could be in a long distance relationship with me and be faithful. Then my ex who I was in love with and never really got over the reason why we had broken up was back in my life telling me that he did want to be with me and so on, while my man is telling me that we are not really together and I remember once calling him on the phone and he told the girl he was with that I was just some girl from Oregon. Besides those points, we were dating and I lied and never told him what happened between the ex and I until I went down to help him move back to Oregon. We worked through this for so long, we would get back together, then break up because he did not trust me. During the breakups I kissed someone and he messed around with a friend of mine. He then decided that he was going to move back down to Phoenix and we broke up for good, or I thought. He was gone for six months, I dated a couple different guys and he dated other women. I was not dating anyone and he called me up out of the blue and asked me if I wanted to come visit him in Phoenix. I went down to visit and he asked me if I dated anyone and what happened physically. I told him who I dated but lied about what happened physically with them. He later found out and was really upset about me lying to him.He missed me and wanted to work it out, as did I so I moved to Phoenix to be with him and I worked to rebuild my trust. I ran his company and helped him everyday for three years, waiting for him to make a decision about marriage. Things started to get very stressful and VERY UNFUN. We broke up again but I was still helping with the business. I was looking for another job because the business was owed a lot of money and had to shut its doors. I found another job being a promotional model for a motor sports company and was offered a position to go to Lake Havasu. I had a very hard time trying to decide if I wanted to go or not. He did not think I should go because he thought I was going to get myself into trouble with guys. I said that I wouldn't that I would be strong and did not want to meet a guy. Well as soon as I got there I met someone who really started to hit on me, I put him off for a couple days and then started to fall for his lines. I guess I really thought that he liked me. I ended up getting fired for fraternizing with him. (making out), we hung out two more times. My ex got home from a trip to Mexico and came over to my house. He originally told me that he would never ask me what happened in Havasu. Well guess what he did the first day he saw me, asked me what happened in Havasu and guess what I did. Lied again! How come I am so stupid to make the same mistake again! I lied because I thought we were done and that it wasn't his business. He then proceeded to tell me that he wanted another chance and to get back together. Well I wasn't sure, told him I didn't know if I wanted to get back together but I would give him another chance to take me on dates. He took me out a few times and then a few weeks later invited me on his brothers boat, him and his brother got in a huge fight and kicked him out of his house. He ended up having to stay with me, I enjoyed having him around and decided that I did want to get back together. He needed to make some extra money and was given an opportunity to work in Oregon, so he headed up there about a month ago. When he got up there he was looking at pictures of Lake Havasu on the net and then asked me again if anything happened. Since we were now back together and I wanted to be honest, I told him. He said that he still loved me but was upset and we could talk the next day. Well I called a few times and nothing, never picked up my call. About a week later I was on the internet and found him on another girls top friends list and she had sent him a couple messages about wanting to see him. I always thought that they were just friends. I finally got him on the phone and we talked for a few hours every night and he said that he does forgive me and that he wants me to prove my trust and love but he is still going to date other women to see what is out there since I have lost my trust. Then I get text messages late at night about when he hangs out with other women he sees how much he loves me. I don't want him to date other women but what ground do I have to stand on to tell him no?
I just don't know what to do. I love him, I want to be with him. I just don't know if he will ever get over this hurt and stop making me pay.
I feel addicted to him, I don't want to be without him, it makes me sick to think of him with others I just don't know how long I should try or if I should even try. It has been years and things keep happening to us that cause issues in our relationship.
He is trying to start a business in Oregon and in Arizona so he is going to be traveling back and forth and dating both of us and whoever else...
Should I try, should I move on with me life? What would you do?
 
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coast40 is offline coast40 Post #2  June 3,2009, 9:38pm
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Move on. He is treating you like a mattress. You deserve someone who is devoted to you, and that you can be devoted to. I recommend a new start with trust as a building block. Take it from an Oregon guy.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  June 4,2009, 5:24am
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You are in a toxic relationship and you need to get out, cut off all contact, block him from being able to contact you and move on with your life. Look at it this way, if you two truly loved each other, you simply would not be interested in other men/women respectively. It's really that simple.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #4  June 4,2009, 10:24am
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Your relationship sounds pretty much one way, his way. This guy knows when he has a good thing going with you. He can call you up anytime for a date or benefits. I get the impression he is using you like a doormat. The best thing you could do is run from this guy and do not look back. You need to block all his emails, texts and phone calls then get rid of any reminders of him to give you a clean fresh start. Good luck
 
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brownize916 is offline brownize916 Post #5  June 4,2009, 10:57am
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First of all, reread your post and then ask yourself what is so wonderful about this "relationship" that you continue this pattern. Second, I would suggest that you not only end this toxic relationship but that you do not get involved with anyone else for awhile. You have continually lied and cheated and in addtion you don't seem to mind being jerked around by a man who claims to love you.

Get yourself healthy, and then decide what you want in a man/relationship or if you even want one. Then start looking and working towards a healthy, loving relationship where the stuff you described just doesn't happen. If you don't get yourself healthy first, you'll continue this mess with this guy, or you'll end up in a similar situation with a different guy.
 
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txbubba is offline txbubba Post #6  June 4,2009, 2:20pm

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i take it that eha didn't fix the "paragraph" thingie on here...
 
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MsTaken is offline MsTaken Post #7  June 4,2009, 3:40pm
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Run and keep running. Stay away from him and in a year your thinking will be clearer. Sex clogs the mind, and you need to refrain from all sex for a while until you make better decisions for yourself. Love Yourself FIRST, before attempting to love or like ANYONE else. DO YOU first!!!!!
 
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butterflywhisperer is offline butterflywhisperer Post #8  August 10,2009, 8:26pm
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I just cannot help but wonder if you really want advice or if you are just looking to hear what you want to hear and go with that. In the event I am wrong and you are truly seeking some guidance, well, I think you know it in your heart what the answer is. It is not a healthy relationship and maybe hasn't been for years if even that and to take a break and as stupid as it sounds, I think it is really important to look into why you feel the need to lie and maybe some personal counseling might lend insight into this. From someone who was married to a pathological liar, I can tell you that if this guy is really the goods then he will always have a lingering doubt about whether you are telling the truth. No matter what, there will always be that doubt. Do you want to live like that? To have your significant other not trust you? Because without trust, there is no relationship. Do an assessment and learn about yourself and then go on. Hard as it sounds, this relationship is done so the sooner you realize that the sooner you can heal. Even if he begs you to come back, stand your ground because you don't want to exist under that cloud of doubt and you both deserve better, even if it doesn't feel like it at the time. My best to you in whatever you endeavor to do.
 
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panda79 is offline panda79 Post #9  August 10,2009, 8:58pm
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You guys are bad for each other. You claim to love each other, yet you don't respect each other enough to be either honest or loyal. Move on and you'll be better off!
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #10  August 10,2009, 10:40pm

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I was going to suggest that you see a marriage counselor, but on second thought I think that you would be better off, if you saw a licensed "Witch -Doctor" and had your head shrunken!

I think Butterflywisper gave you some strong points to think about it. You have wasted so many years being a doormat that I don't believe that you can change or turn it around

Harvey7.
 
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