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graceventually graceventually is offline
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graceventually is getting ready for the Nov. 28 wedding, and so won't be posting much!

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Couples who have the best chances of long-term happiness have similar values. While one's values may in part be formed by one's religion, they are also formed in other ways. There are many people with similar values and dissimilar religions; and there are others of the same church with dissimilar values. That, I think, is the real question to ask.
- June 5th, 2009, 12:12 pm
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Oregon_Coast_Guy Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline
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graceventually wrote :
Couples who have the best chances of long-term happiness have similar values. While one's values may in part be formed by one's religion, they are also formed in other ways. There are many people with similar values and dissimilar religions; and there are others of the same church with dissimilar values. That, I think, is the real question to ask.

Exactly!
- June 5th, 2009, 12:34 pm
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Jato87 Jato87 is online now
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I think it depends mostly on how important religion is to each partner and how strongly they feel about outwardly practicing it. If it's relatively unimportant to both (which describes a large portion of the population, though most won't admit it), then mixing faiths and sects will often be of little consequence. I think the bigger issue is when one partner feels strongly about practicing religion where the other does not. They exist in different realities, and there will surely be problems.

Faith, as opposed to practicing religion, is a little bit different. Many people claim to have strong faith in their own individual way, and it may not be evident in the way that organized religion is.
- June 5th, 2009, 03:46 pm
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Yasmin21 Yasmin21 is offline
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I think a relationship between two people of different faiths can work out because the three main religions are fundamentally similar and have the same core belief in God. Its more problematic when one person has faith and the other is agnostic or an atheist.
- June 5th, 2009, 04:02 pm
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Uncle Apple Uncle Apple is offline
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Generally no, but some times intimdating the other person into switching religions is a relationship killer. To switch or not to switch, which religion the children should be/are to be raised in...These are topics that should be discussed before engagement, and/or before marriage. If one wants the other to switch, but the other feels strongly against switching, then by rights, the whole thing should be ended right then.
- June 26th, 2009, 09:19 pm
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avinash avinash is offline
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Yasmin21 wrote :
I think a relationship between two people of different faiths can work out because the three main religions are fundamentally similar and have the same core belief in God. Its more problematic when one person has faith and the other is agnostic or an atheist.
I think you're a little confused as to what the main religions are
- June 26th, 2009, 11:40 pm
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justafellow justafellow is offline
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I know a couple who got married about a decade ago - a liberal episcopalian and a mostly secular jew. Their values were pretty similar, and they both had an intrinsic respect of the other's religion.

However, the religious question ended up becoming much more of sticking point than they ever expected when they had a child. The episcopalian wanted to introduce the child to his church in a ceremony similar to a baptism (but not technically one). Jews, no matter how secular, typically do not get their children baptized; it's a question of maintaining their unique identity. The disagreement was not over values, or beliefs, but rather deciding what the identity of the child would be. Someone's creed may be completely "open-minded", but when it comes to children, they want them to be like themselves.

The marriage has worked out in the long haul, from what I can tell. But it looks like religion was still the biggest hurdle.
- June 27th, 2009, 01:44 am
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angelofmerci angelofmerci is offline
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There are some relationships where the differences in religious upbringing is just too great for the relationship to withstand the test of time. Even though someone was brought up in a certain strict religion, you have to look closely at how strongly the person you care about adheres to their religious training. That will tell you most of the time all you need to know.
- June 27th, 2009, 08:35 am
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meri75 meri75 is offline
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JDavid wrote :
Do you think it best if people date within their own religious denomination – and not date those of other religious beliefs (no matter how good the fit otherwise)? Why?
Yes - my definition of religious denomination would be those who are Christians. I don't believe the different churches - Anglican, Baptist, Church of Christ, etc matter at all if the couple intrinsically share the same Biblical principles and values. This is because it is very hard to have any relationship with someone who doesn't share the majority of my beliefts. It is not that I am in anyway superior or inferior to that person, just that my viewpoint is sometimes very hard to explain and usually dismissed and/or ridiculed by the other party. Which is very hurtful for me to have someone I love (regardless of the relationship type) disregard something so intrinsic to me.

If you are Episcopalian and s/he is Southern Baptist, can that work? Or, if you are Catholic and s/he Protestant? Or, if you are Gentile and s/he is Jewish? What if you are Christian and s/he is Muslim or Buddhist or Shinto or Hindu?
Where the religious doctrine is radically different, yes, problems can develop which ultimately become too large for the relationship. My sister is a Christian and she married an Atheist. Whilst no one really knows what is happening in a marriage except the couple themselves, what I see externally is that my sister 100% turned her back on her faith .. and that included her ejecting from her life, all family members who are Christians. Painful. (I would like to make it clear I am no way blaming my brother-in-law for what happened here.)

What are the chances of developing a successful relationship if you are Non-Religious and s/he is very religious – or even moderately religious – or vice versa?
I think it is likely that one party would have to willing to completely surrender his/her faith ... and in most cases, I would think it would be the religious party doing the surrendering. I know many couples in this scenario and in only two of them did the non-religious person accept the religious partner's faith as his/her own.

Should degree and direction of religiosity be a major factor in "matchmaking"? Yes, I think the direction of religiosity is important. I 'feel' no call to be involved in overseas mission work for example ... if I met a man who did 'feel' this call, I know I would think twice about marriage to him, because I think it's likely I wouldn't be the right wife for him.

Is religious difference likely to be a "deal killer" for many people? If so, shouldn't that be the FIRST question asked after gender? Does anything else matter if religious compatibility is the ultimate deciding factor?
It is for me. My matching parameters are set as strictly as I can get them and I made it clear in one of the profile questions I am not interested in a relationship with a man who doesn't share the same faith.

You know what though? At the end of the day, I have thing called free will and can choose to be with whomever I so wish. It is up to me whether or not I am willing to stand by my faith/beliefs; or I wish to ditch them to have the man.

No one ever said love and relationships were simple!
Comments threaded throughout above.
- June 27th, 2009, 06:54 pm
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JDavid JDavid is offline
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It is up to me whether or not I am willing to stand by my faith/beliefs; or I wish to ditch them to have the man.

 This dichotomy, "stand by my beliefs and ditch the man or stand with the man and ditch my beliefs", may be somewhat similar why I enjoyed dating Christian girls as a teenager. If they were a little bit "bad", they often seemed willing to be "very bad" (ditch the beliefs at least temporarily).

Once they had broken a taboo (or commandment) they evidently considered themselves a "sinner", and once a sinner the degree of sinning apparently didn't make much difference.

The teachings of their religion were contrary to human nature. Chastity, abstinence and celibacy are not a natural conditions for humans -- but reproductive urges are natural. Perhaps many struggle against their nature and when they lose the struggle they give up any pretext of being anything but a "sinner" (and ditch the beliefs).

Some seemed consumed by guilt and condemned themselves – which is probably the origin of the concept of the "fallen woman" or "damaged goods" to categorize those who have intercourse without marriage.

 Others seemed relieved of the burden of attempting to sustain an unrealistic and unnatural stance.
- June 27th, 2009, 07:59 pm
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