How to fall "in love" with the same person again


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sadandconfused is offline sadandconfused Post #1  June 2,2009, 3:00pm
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Does anyone have any tips about how to get someone to fall in love with you again? I know that you can't MAKE anyone do it but surely there's got to be some tips for men that can help their wife/girlfriend recover from falling out of love.

I posted "How to save your marriage while you still can"

I am just asking because she is currently saying she loves me but is not "in love" with me. We are married and have been going through a hard time for 5 months now. She is undecided which way she wants to go but decision time is getting close. I have a feeling that it might go in my favor but if she decides she wants to be with me, how can I HELP things along so she falls in love with me again? I would like us to start over to put the past behind us but I know thats not as easy as it sounds. I don't want to end up in this same position again with her so anytips would be great....I guess you can sort of call the title of this thread "how to date your wife to start over again".

Thank you!
 
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beloved0000 is offline beloved0000 Post #2  June 2,2009, 3:30pm
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It's probably a good thing we can't "make" someone fall in love with us. If we could, there would be no mystery, no hunt, pursuit or catch.

With all the advice out there to "make" someone look twice and reconsider....I've never found one single bit of it that actually works. Letting go, finding peace of mind and allowing her to make up her own mind is the only way, I think.

Love is freedom not control. If you try and manipulate the situation you'll end up in a mess. If she doesn't want to reconnect, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it may just have to be over and you may have to go thru some grieving and eventually move on.

Is that why she lost interest to begin with? I know one of my "can't stands" is I can't stand someone who depends on me for their happiness. A lot of people, if they sense your happiness is all wrapped up in MY identity and they don't have a life, identity or happiness of their own outside of the relationship, it chokes out the relationship eventually.

I'll say it again. Love is freedom, not control.
 
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HalfDaWoman is offline HalfDaWoman Post #3  June 5,2009, 1:05pm
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I agree with alot of what beloved000 said but if you both want to stay married, my advice is think about how you were back when you first got together, how you treated her, what you did to let her know how you felt about her, those are really the only things you can do I think besides talking with her and listening to her feelings without judging.
I think that a lot of what makes people fall out of love with someone is that they stop feeling valuable to their someone, or their someone stops being the same person they fell in love with (stops "trying" if you know what I mean.)

Anyway that is my 2cents, good luck to you.
 
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EN_Ken is offline EN_Ken Post #4  June 6,2009, 4:17am
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I personally come from the opposite school of thought in that I do believe that you can do a lot to influence whether or not someone feels love for you. It is something that I believe strongly.

Because it's hard to say what is lacking in your situation without more information, I can only comment in the most general of senses. My intuition says that if she fell out of love with you, then something in your behaviours changed. You started acting differently during your time together. Something you may want to consider is whether you are still doing the things that you did when the two of you first started dating. Did you go out more often? Did you talk more often?

In my experience, the falling out of love phenomenon occurs because the man gets too comfortable with the relationship and stops doing the things that caused her to fall in love with him in the first place. He stops being the man she fell in love with. If that's the case here, then the key would be to become that man again.
 
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