once the spark is gone does it "really" ever come back?


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kat5560 is offline kat5560 Post #1  May 30,2009, 10:20pm
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i was reading some of the other posts tonight where people talk about relationships gone bad, and losing the spark, and needing to get the spark back again.

i was wondering ,,, once things change or happen in a relationship where one or both people really feel like they are not in love and the spark is gone,, is it ever really possible to get it back and feel that love strong again?

some people will say that once a person falls out of love,, it is over and done. others say that you can get the spark back and be in love again. does anyone have any personal stories where they thought it was gone and done and then got the spark back and felt really in love again?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  May 31,2009, 6:20am
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[FONT=Calibri]I have not, but then I look for objective criteria first and consider emotional states a bonus, not an essential.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #3  May 31,2009, 9:35am

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No, because you've read the book and already know how it ends.

Yes, after a long time has passed and old wounds have healed and people have grown up and accept responsibility for themselves and their misdeeds.

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neardc is offline neardc Post #4  May 31,2009, 10:55am
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I would think that you could probably ask just about anyone in a lifelong marriage this question and get numerous examples of times when the spark was gone and came back.
 
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graceventually is offline graceventually Post #5  May 31,2009, 12:38pm
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Definitely so....I've heard some of those stories.

I'm dating myself here, but does anyone remember "All in the Family"? They did an episode once dealing with this subject. Gloria lost "the spark" and was acting strangely, but her mother understood. She'd been throught it as well. She told Gloria that one day Archie walked in, asked for a beer, and "it" was back. So in the next scene, "meathead" walks in and tells Gloria he's hungry....and voila! There's some comedy involved, as neither he nor Archie can figure out what the women are so excited about.
It's an old problem, and sometimes it goes away on its own. But give it some help by reconnecting with what attracted you to this person in the first place. Maybe make some time for an activity you used to enjoy together, or go to a place you used to visit? It may help.
Last edited by graceventually; May 31,2009 at 12:39pm. Reason: left out a sentence
 
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tyeflash is offline tyeflash Post #6  May 31,2009, 2:52pm
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in my past once the spark was gone. It wasn't ever the same again,but there were a lot other things that went worng in my 1st marriage. I pray I used my head with my 2nd wife. I believe I found the one with the help of EH.
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #7  May 31,2009, 4:28pm
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It is up to both people in the relationship to keep the spark alive. It is possible, IMHO, for a spark to go out in a relationship and be able to bring that spark back. It happens, but if the couple is unable to bring the spark back than it wasn't mean to be in the first place.
 
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kat5560 is offline kat5560 Post #8  May 31,2009, 4:37pm
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is losing the spark the same things as falling out of love?
maybe it is easier to get a spark back than to fall back in love?
here is how i see it. if you are in love, and your never really out of love,
you might the lose the spark and think it means your no longer in love,, but if you really are deep in your heart so then you can get the spark back. but if you acually fall out of love can you really ever get that back??
 
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shellyg is offline shellyg Post #9  May 31,2009, 4:38pm
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I think it is possible to get the spark back. What I see happen many too many times in relationships is that people believe they are supposed to feel a spark for life. When that initial feeling fades they don't believe they should have to do any work to get it back. It should just be there. Relationships are work and both people must be willing to work at it and this includes getting the spark back.
 
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jacsmit is offline jacsmit Post #10  July 10,2009, 3:36pm
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What about if there was never a spark to begin with? I could go into details but I think the question is essentially... so some people have the spark and then lose it, what if you love someone as a person (and started dating) but were never "in love" with them - is it possible to generate a spark / that feeling later somehow (eg. if one or both people significantly grow/change)? The answer is probably "maybe" - but as with the OP, I'd be interested if anyone has stories to share regarding this aspect too (from themselves or people they know).

Oh I see this is sorta being covered here:
http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...your-wife.html (how attractted are you (were you) to your wife)
Last edited by jacsmit; July 10,2009 at 4:54pm. Reason: added link
 
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