In new relationship and need some advice


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newtothis2009 is offline newtothis2009 Post #1  May 26,2009, 7:40am
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Hi all,

Need some perspective here since I am still on cloud 9. I have been dating someone for six weeks whom I met on POF and from the beginning everything has been amazing. From the beginning, we had connections on every level from being able to talk for hours, to shared outlooks on what we want in life, to values to morals, interests, etc and the physical attraction is awesome. He has always been very affectionate and open about his feelings which has been very refreshing. We also have been exclusive since the third date when he asked me. We are both 42. I have dated more than he over the last three years and knew exactly what I was looking for and he fits the whole set of criteria. We even talk about what my criteria was and his was. He was divorced for six months prior to us meeting and separated three months prior to that. He casual dated four different women but said he never had the connection with anyone in his whole life as he has had with me. His wife of 16 years left him for another man-he has no children. He is very focused on his career as myself and we both see that as a positive. I was married for 15 years as well. Well, over the last six weeks we have seen each other almost everyday and we slept together for the first time over the weekend-which was great.. He emails, calls, etc. and over the weekend he told me that I am the most amazing woman he has ever meet and that he is falling in love with me. Additionally, that he has no hesitation in falling in love with me and just wanted to let me know that I can feel secure in this so there is no unknowns between us. Again, last night as I was leaving his house-he told me he loves me. I told him I have strong feelings and that I am falling but need more time to be sure.

I have very strong feelings for this man and I think he may be the one but I am a little more grounded. I am fine with the pace of us spending some much time together because I enjoy every moment with him. Have you every told someone or been told in that short a period of time that you love them and it worked out? Should this be a red flag to me since it is so early?
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #2  May 26,2009, 9:47am
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Sounds to me like you're trying to over think this. It sounds like the relationship is moving its pace.

Are you over thinking this because you have commitment issues?
 
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newtothis2009 is offline newtothis2009 Post #3  May 26,2009, 11:46am
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No, I do not have commitment issues and I welcome this in my life. Frankly, it is the quickiest I have ever slept with anyone. Just trying to stay grounded and see what others opinions are and if they have experienced someone so quickly (in a six weeks period of time) saying I love you to someone and whether I should look at this as a red flag. If it is a red flag (because there are not others) I just want to be grounded and realistic here. It does not mean I will end the relationship by any means just because of this one factor.
Last edited by newtothis2009; May 26,2009 at 11:56am.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #4  May 26,2009, 11:56am
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I'm going to say that you're caught up in the moment. You, yourself say you're on cloud nine. That's great, and we're all happy for you.

If you want to keep yourself grounded, keep this in mind. You are on a high that comes with a new relationship. Is this the best time to make a decision on how you feel? Can you honestly say that this is NOT infatuation, but true love? Keep in mind that my definition of love is when infatuation ends. Can you be on cloud nine and NOT be infatuated?

It sounds like you've got a firm grip on reality and you already realize that you're being swept away. You realize that and are analyzing the situation before it gets out of hand.

I misread your post and HE said he loved you.

Well, if things are going good, keep it in mind that he maybe swept up in the moment and don't hold him to too much on account of that.
Last edited by Dafearon; May 26,2009 at 11:58am. Reason: misreading original post
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  May 26,2009, 11:56am
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Considering that this guy is telling her he is in love after only a month and a half of dating is kind of soon from a rational perspective. I think it's a bit harsh to accuse the OP of commitment issues here.

It does appear that the relationship is burning hot and furious and a concern that it may burn out is a very real and natural one. This simply means that the OP is keeping her feet firmly on the ground even if her head is on cloud nine. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that and it is rather wise.

My only advice is don't overthink things and simply go with the flow and see what happens in the future. There are no guarantees in life one way or another, so you might as well enjoy the present. As far as him being the one, take your time and go at your pace. When it's right you'll know it. That initial chemistry can be highly intoxicating but whether there will be something more there tomorrow, only tomorrow knows and nobody can really answer that without a crystal ball.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #6  May 26,2009, 1:42pm
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One key thing you did not mention was how long before you started dating this guy did you communicate in other ways. The reason I ask is the answer could give a whole another perspective to your situation.

Based on the fact he was separated for three months first then divorced for six months clearly gives him enough time to be past the rebound stage. It also gives him adequate time to evaluate what he is looking for in a mate. If things are clicking for both of you in the same way, I do not see how early he has said the three little words all woman can not wait to hear should be a factor. I am speaking from personal experience. You need to make sure this is not just an infatuation but love. If it is love run with it. Good Luck
 
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tyeflash is offline tyeflash Post #7  May 26,2009, 2:33pm
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I found the one on EH and we hit it off very fast. within couple months we both had told each other that we loved each other. I think we are smarter & more careful after we've came out of a long or bad marriage.dont over think it! I think the 1st time we get married if younglike i was we think more with lust than with or brains . And my brain fell in love with this woman,not my sex drive.so take it for what its worth. good luck
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #8  May 26,2009, 3:13pm
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You obviously love this guy, but hesitate to admit it to yourself because you think it might be too soon.

I suggest be honest with your own feelings and accept that you love him. When you're ready to tell him, then do so. You don't have to tell him right away even if he is already telling you those three words.
 
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SpyderRyder65 is offline SpyderRyder65 Post #9  May 26,2009, 5:53pm
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newtothis2009 wrote :
Hi all,
fficeffice" />
Need some perspective here since I am still on cloud 9. I have been dating someone for six weeks whom I met on POF and from the beginning everything has been amazing. From the beginning, we had connections on every level from being able to talk for hours, to shared outlooks on what we want in life, to values to morals, interests, etc and the physical attraction is awesome. He has always been very affectionate and open about his feelings which has been very refreshing. We also have been exclusive since the third date when he asked me. We are both 42. I have dated more than he over the last three years and knew exactly what I was looking for and he fits the whole set of criteria. We even talk about what my criteria was and his was. He was divorced for six months prior to us meeting and separated three months prior to that. He casual dated four different women but said he never had the connection with anyone in his whole life as he has had with me. His wife of 16 years left him for another man-he has no children. He is very focused on his career as myself and we both see that as a positive. I was married for 15 years as well. Well, over the last six weeks we have seen each other almost everyday and we slept together for the first time over the weekend-which was great.. He emails, calls, etc. and over the weekend he told me that I am the most amazing woman he has ever meet and that he is falling in love with me. Additionally, that he has no hesitation in falling in love with me and just wanted to let me know that I can feel secure in this so there is no unknowns between us. Again, last night as I was leaving his house-he told me he loves me. I told him I have strong feelings and that I am falling but need more time to be sure.

I have very strong feelings for this man and I think he may be the one but I am a little more grounded. I am fine with the pace of us spending some much time together because I enjoy every moment with him. Have you every told someone or been told in that short a period of time that you love them and it worked out? Should this be a red flag to me since it is so early?
He sounds like me, when I like a girl and we spend alot of time together and the chemistry is just right then it dont take me long to fall for her, he sounds like a great guy. you better snatch him up and tell him how u feel before he finds somone who will, jk ...but seriously he sounds like a great catch. like another post said maybe u just have commitment issues your need to adress. Hope everything works out for you two. ....................Michael
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #10  May 27,2009, 12:07am

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In your own words, " I am falling but need more time to be sure". Slow it down a bit, but enjoy yourself.

Harvey7
 
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