Hairy is offline Hairy Post #1  May 21,2009, 3:53am
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I had been living with this lady and her 2 kids for 4 months. We used to have a glass of red wine on weekends. One evening she was in a grumpy mood (she does have a short fuse hot temper) and after 2 glasses of wine I asked her to stop drinking for a while as she was getting a bit drunk. She grabbed the wine bottle and drank 2 glasses of wine straight down. I picked up the bottle of wine and her son hid it. She got angry and smashed my bottle of Brandy on the floor. She argued about a text in her phone but would not show it to me. When I grabbed the phone from her she punched me in my mouth busting my lip to make it bleed. I pushed her away not hurt nher. She then asked her kids to fetch big kitchen knives. I had to use kitchen chair to keep her and 1 kid at bay for my protection. She promise me now that this wont happen again. I have seperated from her. She really wants me back but I'm a bit scared what might happen next time. Any help from Members Advice?
 
 
tbesq is offline tbesq Post #2  May 21,2009, 4:20am
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Hairy, welcome to the eHarmony discussion boards.

Stay away from her. Follow your gut. If she's acting like this after just 4 months, it's only going to escalate the longer you stay with her. There isn't one single fact you've given us about her that suggests that things will get any better. Please don't go back to this woman, even if you like her children.

Best of luck
 
 
outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #3  May 21,2009, 4:30am

Time for the phalanx to go back to work...

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Hairy wrote :
I had been living with this lady and her 2 kids for 4 months. We used to have a glass of red wine on weekends. One evening she was in a grumpy mood (she does have a short fuse hot temper) and after 2 glasses of wine I asked her to stop drinking for a while as she was getting a bit drunk. She grabbed the wine bottle and drank 2 glasses of wine straight down. I picked up the bottle of wine and her son hid it. She got angry and smashed my bottle of Brandy on the floor. She argued about a text in her phone but would not show it to me. When I grabbed the phone from her she punched me in my mouth busting my lip to make it bleed. I pushed her away not hurt nher. She then asked her kids to fetch big kitchen knives. I had to use kitchen chair to keep her and 1 kid at bay for my protection. She promise me now that this wont happen again. I have seperated from her. She really wants me back but I'm a bit scared what might happen next time. Any help from Members Advice?

Yeah mate. My ex-wife was violent and I divorced her. I don't know the laws where you live but over here the man is automatically guilty. If you were in the USA and the police showed up, YOU would be removed from the house and charged with Domestic Violence (and given only 2 minutes! to get your stuff.)

It doesn't matter that she hit you and endangered your life with a knife, etc. As a man in America you are automatically guilty in by virtue of your gender. The laws are probably the same in Australia. You need to contact men's groups. You are in for legal and maybe physical trouble. Please educate yourself on the laws.

Sorry to say this but you are in big trouble if you go back with her. I'm talking about big bucks for a fancy lawyer and maybe jail time. Run! Run from her as fast as you can. You will fall in love with her & she will destroy your life. There's no excuse for violence. It's going to get worse.

Good luck eh.
 
 
tbesq is offline tbesq Post #4  May 21,2009, 4:33am
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Outlaw, let's not go down this road. If what Hairy is saying went down that way, I don't think he would be "automatically" guilty, but that's really a legal issue. The important thing is that he just stay away.
 
 
tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #5  May 21,2009, 4:42am
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RUN FORREST RUN !!
 
 
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  May 21,2009, 4:51am
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OP, what you describe is a horrific situation and one that you need to get out of and stay out of permanently. There is never ever an excuse for anyone to act in this manner to another human being and you are right to be scared.

She is by all definitions an abuser and sounds mentally unhinged. Please please stay away from her. Don't forget that classic abuser behavior is remorse and lavish promises that it will never happen again and that they've changed and learned. They do not change or learn. Please for your own well being block her out of your life. Make sure that she cannot find you or contact you and move on. Please do not think even for a moment that you can help her or change her. You can't and won't. Remember that change comes from the inside, not from you or anyone else. Her losing relationships may actually cause her to re-evaluate her life and seek help eventually, but you sticking around will do the opposite of that. It will actually let her continue to be an abuser no matter what you say or do for her.
 
 
Hairy is offline Hairy Post #7  May 21,2009, 4:52am
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Thanks mates..... i feel better now that i'm not the only one who has been down this road..... i'm sure i'll listen to your advise..
 
 
tbesq is offline tbesq Post #8  May 21,2009, 4:58am
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Outlaw, in light of recent events on these boards, what do you think will become of this discussion? I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I'm familiar with how the legal system deals with domestic violence cases. I'm just saying it is not necessary to discuss it on this particular thread.

The OP asked for advice...specifically, whether he should return to the relationship. We agree that he shouldn't, but there are other reasons for our conclusion other than those that are likely to cause controversy.

I'm trying to do my part here to keep the peace, since I've played a heavy role in creating some discord around here as of late. And we all have a responsibility to try to keep these discussions civil.
 
 
outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #9  May 21,2009, 6:00am

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tbesq wrote :
Outlaw, in light of recent events on these boards, what do you think will become of this discussion? I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I'm familiar with how the legal system deals with domestic violence cases. I'm just saying it is not necessary to discuss it on this particular thread.

The OP asked for advice...specifically, whether he should return to the relationship. We agree that he shouldn't, but there are other reasons for our conclusion other than those that are likely to cause controversy.

I'm trying to do my part here to keep the peace, since I've played a heavy role in creating some discord around here as of late. And we all have a responsibility to try to keep these discussions civil.
You are right tbesq, I should of listened to you sooner.
I'm sorry, this is a pet peeve of mine. I got carried away.
 
 
Asiaticbabe is offline Asiaticbabe Post #10  May 21,2009, 6:13am
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Take it from a woman, RUN!!!

Take it from someone who has had 22 years of domestic violence from 2 relationships, RUN!! They don't ever change!!!!! After 4 months, you're bleeding? Think what can happen after 4 years when you've become a stale toy to her. She might be wanting you for your money. Financial security is sexy to every woman.
Last edited by Asiaticbabe; May 21,2009 at 6:15am. Reason: additional thought
 
 
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