charmed4261 is offline charmed4261 Post #1  May 19,2009, 1:17pm
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Honestly, I've come to the realization that I'm the one who screwed this up...if I had never gotten upset at him for not calling me back like he said he would...none of this would have happened.

I would get so upset because he went from calling me all the time, leaving me voicemail "I miss you and I'm thinking about you" and talking for hours to "forgetting" to call me and talking for 10 minutes a day. I honestly didn't understand this, and I let my anxiety grow to the point that I had a "emotional meltdown". I did not yell at him, I did not curse him...nothing like that. I just said "I can't do this...it's too hard on me." (I told him when we were together one weekend that the weeks were difficult for me because I could not talk to him as much as I wanted to.) Then when I came to my senses...I asked him to forgive me and he made me wait an entire weekend for his response. It all went down hill from there. I knew he was into me, the weekends were proof of that.
Obviously, that one "meltdown" was enough for him to decide he didn't want this relationship. Up until that point everything had been perfect, we never argued, we never disagreed about anything.

Ever since then....I've done nothing but stick my foot in my mouth and make it worse.

He did call me and told me that he had committed to this relationship once and that he would not committ again. He was going to concentrate on work and go home on the weekends and be by himself. That he only had another 25 years to live, if he was lucky and he would just wait on the Lord and what would happen would happen. I asked him where that left "us" and he said he would think about it.

Then I told him that I didn't want to be with anyone but him, I didn't even want to date anyone else and that's why I didn't go on the date. Before I get slammed any harder about doing this to make him jealous... I DID NOT!!! I did not do it to make him jealous! I told him that so he would understand that he has my heart and I don't want to be with any other man.

Of course everyone thinks I did it to make him jealous, including him and he blew hot at me...he yelled at me "You don't even know what you want", "going out and dating other men is just childish" "I (he) is perfectly happy being by himself, and this just proves that you (me) are lonely". "You just play too many games". Then he said "See, this is what I'm talking about!" Talking about? He hasn't talk to me about anything!!! He has completely ignored me for 2 weeks!! He told me that I had 15 seconds to say what I had to say and then he was hanging up. He said "goodbye" and hung up.

I play too many games it seems, I'm childish, and this is all my fault.

Mind you...he didn't even have the nerve two weeks ago to call me and tell me that my "emotional meltdown" had caused him to want to step back from this relationship. He called me 15 minutes before I was to come to his house for the weekend (his idea earlier in the week) with some lame excuse about "scratching the entire weekend" because he was tired. ( I hadn't seen him for two weeks, I had just sent him a text telling him how excited I was to see him.) We obviously had some things we needed to talk about. Instead, he had me do his "dirty work" for him.

For the record...my 18 year old son did this to his girlfriend when he went off to college (girls everywhere)...he picked the one thing he knew his girlfriend would not stand for in their relationship, did it, and she broke up with him. Absolving him of all responsibility in the break up of the relationship. He called me crying, about how she broke up with him, I had no sympathy for him and told him so. If he wanted to be a man he should have told her the truth.

I have taken complete responsibility for my part in the break down of this relationship. He has taken none.

After he hung up on me...
I sent him an email that said...for 2 weeks I hear nothing from you, you didn't respond to my one letter and one email...what was I supposed to do? Sit around and hope you come to your senses? I have taken responsibility for my part in this mess, I have asked you to forgive me...Until you take responsibility for your part and want to fix it, it will never be fixed. I've done all I can do.

Before I get slammed...I already know what I did wrong...I'm just venting.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #2  May 19,2009, 1:53pm
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Charmed 4261,

In situations like this it is difficult for us, the board members, to really visualize what has occurred in your relationship. You had a "meltdown" and this was enough for him to leave. Assuming you two have been together for a while, it would take a serious meltdown for things to dissolve to nothing. Do you have problems with your temper?

It is good that you have taken responsibility for your part in the conflict. Rarely are both sides innocent when conflicts arise in a relationship. Such situations truly test the mettle of that union and give you much pertinent information about the partner.

Whether or not this situation can ever be resolved, it seems to me that the best thing to do right now is just back away from the conflict for a little while to let things cool off and give both of you time to really reflect on what has happened. That may be all that it takes. Men are not always good at telling women that we just need our space. Hopefully after a little while he will reach out to you. Do not rush things. Rest assured that whether he's currently with you or not, he's thinking about you. Give him time to think.

I wish you the best of luck with your situation.
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #3  May 19,2009, 2:26pm
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This sounds like an unstable relationship. Never arguing or fighting, then a big misunderstanding, a breakdown in communication and resentment from both sides.

Also seems like he want overboard on his contact with you. But this situation wasn't addressed early on, instead it was allowed to get worse until you got upset. Then he went from one extreme (too hot) to the other (too cold).

Next time if things are going too fast, too slow, too much pressure...then communicate your concerns don't suppress them until you can't handle it anymore.
 
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Nature_Lover is offline Nature_Lover Post #4  May 19,2009, 3:44pm
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You forgive him even though you'll never understand why he hurt you...or at least forgive that part of him that spoke so clearly to your heart/soul (he obviously wasn't all bad) and you pick yourself up and move on. I think I've said everything else in my previous replies to your other posts...don't want to repeat.

Hugs to you..PM me if you'd like...I know from experience that sometimes we just need someone to listen...
 
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Doodler is offline Doodler Post #5  May 19,2009, 4:47pm
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Charmed,
If I remember correctly, this was the relationship that started out way too intense - multiple phone calls daily, his request to spend all free time together, weekends together, meet the family, "I love you's" - all in about 2 months? That intensity simply could not be maintained. His need to rush a relationship indicates to me a very needy and emotionally unhealthy person. I don't think the relationship would have lasted, or if it did (for a while) it would not have been a healthy one.

Don't beat yourself up for what you may or may not have done wrong in this "relationship." I think you will be better off in the long run without this guy.
 
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