Curious about women in the 40's


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bagpiper is offline bagpiper Post #1  May 19,2009, 12:52pm
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I hope I do not come off sexist; I am curious about women in their 40's that divorce. My wife of 20 years recently divorced me. The last 4 years were hell. It just seemed like something snapped in her. It didn't help that her father died 2 years ago. I feel like I tried everything to repair the relationship to no avail. Is this a hormonal issue? Is there a "Grass is greener..." mentality? Do women often regret getting divorced after being married for so long?
 
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bagpiper is offline bagpiper Post #2  May 19,2009, 12:54pm
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Sorry, "the" should be "their."
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #3  May 19,2009, 3:41pm
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Well, lets see if I can help with anything here… is there more info you can give us besides the last 4 years being hell, her possibly snapping, her dad dying, hormones possibly being an issue, the grass maybe being greener?

It’s not too often that people will boil down a 20 year marriage and divorce over just a few bad drops in the bucket. No doubt it happens, but usually there’s more to it than that.

What are the things you tried to do to repair the relationship? Did she participate? Or were the hellishness and salvation more or less each one-sided?
 
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churumbeque is offline churumbeque Post #4  May 19,2009, 5:40pm
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Sometimes people wait until the kids are a certain age to get divorced. When someone close to you dies you think about how short life is and you don't want to waste it if you are not happy. Sometimes there are problems long before and a spouse tunes them out and doesn't pay attention until it's too late.
 
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beloved0000 is offline beloved0000 Post #5  May 19,2009, 5:44pm
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You look REALLY mean in your picture. Did you look at her like that? I wouldn't want someone to look at me like that.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #6  May 19,2009, 11:51pm

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Why is it that she divorced you? Not we divorced or we mutually agreed to a divorce? Did she have a Sugar Daddy in waiting? How is her new life, worse or better then yours? Did you have children, a house, who got what?
Did you know that poor people don't get divorced, they get drunk just middle class peeps and the rich. Give us the finer points.

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Last edited by Harvey7; May 19,2009 at 11:54pm.
 
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Greygirl is offline Greygirl Post #7  May 20,2009, 1:39am
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bagpiper wrote :
I hope I do not come off sexist; I am curious about women in their 40's that divorce. My wife of 20 years recently divorced me. The last 4 years were hell. It just seemed like something snapped in her. It didn't help that her father died 2 years ago. I feel like I tried everything to repair the relationship to no avail. Is this a hormonal issue? Is there a "Grass is greener..." mentality? Do women often regret getting divorced after being married for so long?
How difficult for you after so many years together! Strangely, I have heard about this from another friend of mine. They also were married 20 years, and he said when she hit 40 she went CRAZY - sleeping around, got surgery, spent a ton of his money, then divorced him. She doesn't seem to regret it; she married one of the guys she was sleeping with. I hope you have found someone else - hopefully, the best is yet to come for you! Take care .....
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #8  May 20,2009, 2:54am
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Women go through a mid-life crisis just like men do ...it's human nature to reach a certain age (usually in the 40s) and do an inventory of your life. Yours obviously realized she wasn't happy.

Will she regret her decision? Honestly, probably not. She's had - according to you - 4 years to come to terms with walking out the door. That period of time indicates that it was an extremely hard decision for her, but once she made it, she's set herself on a path and there is no looking back.
 
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glassonlyhalffull_fillit is offline glassonlyhalffull_fillit Post #9  May 20,2009, 5:49am
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bagpiper wrote :
I hope I do not come off sexist; I am curious about women in their 40's that divorce. My wife of 20 years recently divorced me. The last 4 years were hell. It just seemed like something snapped in her. It didn't help that her father died 2 years ago. I feel like I tried everything to repair the relationship to no avail. Is this a hormonal issue? Is there a "Grass is greener..." mentality? Do women often regret getting divorced after being married for so long?
Speaking in general:
I think with each decade, we tend to re-evaluate our lives. Personally, when I turned 40, it was the day I discovered myself, deciding I wasn't totally happy with my life. I changed my career path & made a new circle of friends.

40 is the age we reach our.........erm....peak, so it can be a bit hormonal, yes. When in a solid relationship at the time, the man would actually benefit from that change in her.....

In your post, I couldn't help but notice you seem to speak separately vs a partnership, as though you did everything you could, while she sat back and did nothing....
ie; "I tried to repair the relationship"...."It seemed like something snapped in her"

When a person has thoughts of divorce, I doubt age factors in. It's usually a decision that's made when one sees no other alternative, ie; "tried everything else to make it work"

OP - Sometimes we listen to our partner but are we really hearing them? Possibly when she asked for a divorce was the day you actually heard her, but by then it was too late, it was the last straw (for her), she had emotionally moved on.

I think your questions have little or nothing to do with gender or age.


 
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BlueberriesandWine is offline BlueberriesandWine Post #10  May 21,2009, 5:14am
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I'm sorry that happened to you. Divorce can be a horrible thing to go through. I, too, divorced my husband after 21 years of marriage. It had nothing to do with another guy, mid-life crisis, etc. We had problems for at least the previous 10 years and he did not want to talk about it, get help, etc. I repeatedly asked him to work on our issues, and he was acutely aware things were not going well. So I put up with a loveless marriage until I woke up one day and said "I'm done". He was actually surprised that I divorced him and said he didn't want to change because he didn't think I would ever leave him. Now he wishes he would have listened.

I think what happens, like other posters have mentioned, when you get in your 40s you start to assess your life and realize life is too short to surround yourself with people who do not care about you. I do not regret leaving him at all. My life has changed for the better since then. I am disappointed that it had to come to that.

When people start acting out, there is definately an emotional need that is not being met, and it may have nothing to do with you. The midlife crisis is their way of dealing with it.

Best of luck to you.
 
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