Is porn a reason to leave?


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letgoitsboutu29 is offline letgoitsboutu29 Post #1  May 15,2009, 3:52am
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Should I leave if he constantly watches porno? First he destroyed our desktop computer from it, then the cable came and a day I was at work he ordered three movies. The way I feel is it normal, should I feel hurt and uncomfortable? Because if he thought it was ok, why wait till I am not around to do it?


 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #2  May 15,2009, 4:15pm
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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Well, there may be a couple of reasons why he would do it when you weren't around. The first could be that if you were around, then he wouldn't have a need for it, that you would fulfill his sexual desires. The porn might be to help him out while you're away. The second reason may be that he might feel that it's something the two of you can't share. He may feel that it would make you uncomfortable to watch with him. Or it could be that if you feel negatively against it, he might feel uncomfortable watching it in front of you.

Some people become addicted to porn. If that's the case, you probably should be worried, especially if it's running up bills. I think before you leave, you should sit him down and have a really frank conversation with him. Ask him in a way that he doesn't feel threatened, but tell him you would honestly like to understand why he watches so much porn. If you're not turned off by it, but only because it's so much, indicate to him that you're willing to watch with him (if you don't already).

Here's the thing to look at. If he's a good person and makes you happy in all other areas, then, give him a chance to explain it. Then, the two of you come up with a compromise. If he's unwilling to compromise, you have to ask yourself can you live with it. If yes, then, you'll have to reserve yourself to never bringing it up again. If no, then, you'll need to be prepared to walk away. You can't change him if he doesn't want to change.
 
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facefur is offline facefur Post #3  May 15,2009, 5:17pm
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If it's truly constant, he has a problem. If it's occasional, he's not that strange. You have to decide, but your description does not sound like a healthy attraction to sex.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #4  May 15,2009, 5:21pm
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People naturally have different views about porn and whether or not they find it acceptable (depending, too, on the type of porn and frequency and modes of use). If you search through the boards here, you'll find quite a few threads where these topics have been discussed.

If your boyfriend's behavior is bothering you, though, it is a problem. If it is interfering with your relationship with him, then it's a problem. And, if it's interfering with his ability to fulfill his other life roles (e.g., focus on his job, complete household chores, etc.), it's a problem. Even most people who are advocates of porn (which I am not, by the way) would consider constant use to be a problem behavior.

You have every right to be uncomfortable with his behavior and find it unacceptable. There is not something wrong with you for feeling this way. Believe it or not, there are plenty of men out there who don't feel the need to consume porn regularly. If this is something that you cannot (or do not wish to) come to terms with in your relationship, and he is not willing to change his behavior, then "yes," you should leave.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  May 15,2009, 5:38pm
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Anything is a reason to leave, if you make it one.
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Jacquesne is offline Jacquesne Post #6  May 15,2009, 7:56pm
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knows the answer...42

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I guess I'll go into the "advocate of porn" camp and tell you that if he's addicted to porn it's a problem .

Virtually any addiction is harmful to most relationships. I don't care if it's an addiction to porn or to flower arranging. If it's something that is damaging your relationship by being too much of a priority in his life then it need to either change or you need to leave and let him sort it out.

From a male perspective I personally have a lot of built up sexual energy whenever I'm in a relationship. Unfortunately I have yet to meet a woman who is comfortable with, well, sex every day =). The more attracted I am to my partner the more energy I have. While it's probably not the best solution porn offers release of that energy (no pun intended).

It's unfortunately very easy to become addicted to the ease of pornography. There's little stress involved. You don't have to worry about whether or not it was good for her. On the negative side it's sort of selfish too.

It's up to you to decide your comfort level with pornography. While difficult honesty is probably your best choice here. Be honest with him and be honest with yourself. What do I mean by that? Decide why you're upset. It's not because of the computer or the money, etc. Are you upset because you feel like it's a criticism on you? I'm not saying that sarcastically; it's a common feeling for women.

I can somewhat understand. If my girlfriend was constantly using...toys...I'd begin to wonder if I were good enough for her. I'd have to ask myself if it's because she's just addicted, if it's because she isn't happy with me, or if it's because she just has higher sexual energy and I'm not available (I've yet to see this happen but I suppose it's possible...send this woman to me, please ).

Speaking of availability ask yourself if there's something going on in your sex life. While different people have different energy levels sex is about giving of yourself. If he's watching a lot of porn it may be simply because your sex life has become closed off. I'm not saying that's the reason. It's just something to think about.

I wish you the best of luck. I would not say porn itself is really a good reason to leave. Find out the reason behind the porn. That reason is the real issue. If that reason is an irreparable rift in your relationship then that's that. If it's something simple then perhaps you can work it out together.

I hope that helps.

Jacquesne
 
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outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #7  May 15,2009, 11:02pm

Time for the phalanx to go back to work...

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letgoitsboutu29 wrote :
Should I leave if he constantly watches porno? First he destroyed our desktop computer from it, then the cable came and a day I was at work he ordered three movies. The way I feel is it normal, should I feel hurt and uncomfortable? Because if he thought it was ok, why wait till I am not around to do it?


Most guys keep a private porn stash somewhere. Imprinted in the male brain is the need to "look" for different women to mate with. Many women don't seem to understand this. Many men don't understand women & shopping. ..ok I'm getting off the point.

Anyhoo Porn can be an addiction. An experiment was done with two male monkeys. They both uhm did the deed a lot. A female monkey was introduced and one of the guy monkeys was estatic!@

He took her on a "date." Showed her the ropes so to speak, around the perimeter and deep back into the woods. They became close friends and played together. Then one day she let him make monkey love to her.

However the other monkey liked to er...be alone when he went, er ape wild! By himself is what I am inferring if you catch my drift. This monkey was addicted to er...well you know what I mean.

My question to you is, is your fella the kind of guy to just zone out when you are there? Will he be interested in you? Will he want to make monkey love to you? Or will he be too uhm "tired" from expending his energy?

You sound uncomfortable with him already. Perhaps you need to have this conversation with him and come to a decision.
 
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txbubba is offline txbubba Post #8  May 16,2009, 7:29am

is not out of his mind - just out of bullets

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men watch porn because porn stars at least put some effort in trying to stay in shape LOL
 
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snackynak is offline snackynak Post #9  May 16,2009, 8:16am
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OP- I guess it also depends on the type of porno he's waching. If its underaged lolitas, you might want to leave. If its a two girls-one cup kind of thing, you might want to leave.
If its just regular porn, you might want to try watching it with him. Maybe you two will learn a thing or two in the bedroom.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #10  May 16,2009, 8:53am
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Toodles, sayonara, and happy trails! Wishing everyone luck and love...

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txbubba wrote :
men watch porn because porn stars at least put some effort in trying to stay in shape LOL
So, you're single, huh?

Go figure.
 
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