Let Not The Sun Go Down on Your Anger


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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #1  May 14,2009, 2:13pm
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Ladies, when you are unhappy with your men, and you're still upset at the end of the day, how do you handle it? Many TV shows and movies stereotypically depict a situation in which the man is relegated to the couch or the floor for the night.

How do women approach this situation? Honest insight would be welcomed.
 
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theophila is offline theophila Post #2  May 14,2009, 3:00pm
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The couch or the floor? NO!!!! This is horrible!!! I would never do that!

LOL horrible!
I don't think partners should "punish" each other. I think it's one thing to feel hurt, but withholding love, affection, consideration, or respect from each other isn't right. =(

Partners should not try to "control" their spouse. "Punishing" the spouse is a form of attempted control. If there's a different viewpoint, respecting the other person would mean honoring their right to that viewpoint.

If it's about one partner hurting the other with words, then the hurt partner should share their hurt and give the other partner time to process and a safe environment to address the hurt partner in. If the hurt partner already "punishes" the offending spouse, or creates a hurtful, hostile environment, it's not really a safe environment for the offending spouse to apologize, etc.

Plus, should we only love our partners when they are perfect and don't fail us? Should our message be that that is the only time they will receive our love? That's not right...
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #3  May 14,2009, 3:09pm
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I'm one who needs to sleep it off. I mean discussion is fine, but usually, if I'm just left alone, by the next morning, I'm kewl and we can proceed as if nothing has happened. So, my response is that he should give me space. He doesn't have sleep on the couch or floor if he just backs off for a while and let the situation chill. He can go out with his buddies for a while and come back and watch a late night game for all I care. And if I'm wrong, I'll apologize in the morning. If he's wrong he can apologize that night. Why? Because I'm not going to want to think about it longer than a day. Life's too short, and if this is someone I really care about, I'm going to forgive and overlook any shortcomings.
 
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simplemind is offline simplemind Post #4  May 14,2009, 3:21pm
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[quote=theophila;606185]
I think it's one thing to feel hurt, but withholding love, affection, consideration, or respect from each other isn't right. =(

Partners should not try to "control" their spouse. "Punishing" the spouse is a form of attempted control.

If it's about one partner hurting the other with words, then the hurt partner should share their hurt and give the other partner time to process and a safe environment to address the hurt partner in. If the hurt partner already "punishes" the offending spouse, or creates a hurtful, hostile environment, it's not really a safe environment for the offending spouse to apologize, etc.

Plus, should we only love our partners when they are perfect and don't fail us? Should our message be that that is the only time they will receive our love? That's not right...
[/quote]

absolutely.

The title of your thread caught my eye because I was with someone who "couldn't go to bed mad". Unfortunately, he was mad a lot. This translated into frequent trips to my house (calling when he got there, knocking at 2AM, etc) to "Talk"--him yelling, him listing my transgressions, me standing in my robe half asleep feeling awful. Once he felt better, he could go home. Am ashamed to admit I didn't put a stop to it right away because the first few times it seemed romantic that he cared so much he would drive all that way. On more than one trip, I was the one relegated to the couch, other bed in the room, other room at the other end of the house (yes, really) when he found something to be angry about. I finally figured out that this was his modus operandi, and for this reason and many others had to end it.

Taught me a lot about what to do with hurt feelings. First, I have to go think about it a bit--was it intentional? Was it done through thoughtlessness (and if so, how often is thoughtless happening?) Was it purely accidental?

Once I have a feel for it--and if I decide it needs attention or will fester, then I've learned to ask for a place to meet to talk. Gives him a chance to pick when he's ready to hear me out, and keeps the territory neutral. That way, I'm not pouncing on him when he comes in the door, nor am I steaming because he didn't "listen" when all it might be is he's just had a bad day and this isn't a good time. Hey, it's how I would have liked to have been treated.
Last edited by simplemind; May 14,2009 at 3:24pm.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #5  May 14,2009, 3:52pm

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my mom always said to never go to bed mad... stay up and fight.

 
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shellyg is offline shellyg Post #6  May 14,2009, 4:06pm
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Believe it or not, if I am angry and do not want to sleep with my man I will offer to sleep on the couch. My preference is to talk about whatever it is I am angry about with my man as soon as possible. I don't like the silent treatment and I don't like for things to fester then explode when it finally does come out.

I simply state what it bothering me if I am the one who is angry. If I sense he is angry with me I will just ask him if he is angry with me and go from there. If at all possible I prefer a resolution before lights out.
 
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FruitaBu is offline FruitaBu Post #7  May 14,2009, 5:03pm
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I have to be extremely mad to sleep on the couch. It would have to be a really huge fight about something very significant.

For serious betrayal, I withdraw to think. I don't want to say things in a rush of emotion that I may regret. For misunderstandings or spats, I am quick to make up and forgive/apologize because I don't like to let little things simmer and get in the way of an otherwise great relationship.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #8  May 14,2009, 5:26pm

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wow, women being portrayed as controlling shrews on TV? i don't believe it.

making someone sleep on the couch is ridiculous. if i'm that mad to throw a partner out of my bed i'll go farther and throw him out the door.

resolution needs to happen, then make up sex, then sleep. that is my rule.
 
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tumbleweed is offline tumbleweed Post #9  May 14,2009, 6:59pm
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even befor i was a cristin and a believer i always viewed the wisdom that is in the bible to be far above any other, the bible has much to say on this and if your cristin you know most of it , on the other hand many refuse to follow this wisdom and try to follow there own, even if your a nonbeliver , this is wisdom of the ages , so what dose it say about letting the sun go down and being mad, if you dont already know its not hard to find out, i for one will admit the wisdom of the bible is far ahead of mine
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #10  May 14,2009, 7:07pm

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so, what does the bible say about it?
 
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