Let's Talk: Breaking Down Barriers and Developing Better Communication


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Scotch is offline Scotch Post #1  May 12,2009, 4:15pm
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Totally right on! Hogging conversation-- I hate that. Not being able to really talk about anything meaningful = loss of interest real quick! The worst is definitely unwarranted advice!!
 
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eharmonyadvice is offline eharmonyadvice — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  May 12,2009, 4:15pm

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Since communication is really just a matter of talking and listening, it should be simple and straightforward ... yes, it should be!
 
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outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #3  May 12,2009, 7:58pm

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Great idea and goal to shoot for. Women ask for honest men but when we tell the truth, we are told to shut up.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #4  May 13,2009, 3:11am
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Might it be because of your manner of delivering your comment?

I know lots of time I've made a comment and my tone of voice was off and it put a different spin on my words. Sometimes I've accidentally hurt people like that ... I am rather blunt.
 
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outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #5  May 13,2009, 2:42pm

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Meri it's a general statement based on truth. Example (women talking) "honey how do I look in this dress?"

Man thinking "Omg! That dress shows off her belly fat and makes her look like something the cat dragged in..." So he tells her the truth...and gets nailed for it.

Another example, online men tell the truth about their divorces or about double standards that still exist.

Women posters then call that man a woman hater?! Simply for telling the truth? I still get berated online for venting about my divorce and fighting Parental Alienation while women are allowed to freely discuss (and diss their exhusbands) their divorces, etc.

3rd example-online women talk about dating diseasters and jerky men. When men respond and talk about "jerky" women and/or dating diseasters, there is a high probability that some women will call them women haters. Or give them the online cold shoulder and/or gang up on that poster.

Maybe I'm wrong and overreacting. Generally speaking the article is a good foundation for improving speech.

I'm not trying to start an arguement with anyone. Just trying to point out hidden facts that somehow get swept under the rug.

In order to break down the largest barrier-communication gap between women and men, these double standards have to be explored.

Otherwise the whole conversation here avoids major speech communication differences and perspectives between the sexes.

Many times when men tell the truth, women verbally nail us. Men have learned many times it's better to be quiet than volunteer information.

One single word can become a landmine (women "omg, you did the same thing TEN years ago!!)

Kindly understand I don't mean to infer men are perfect. We are not. But let's be fair...we are different. As James Cagney said "we are men! Treat us as men."

Plus online being Politically Correct rules. We even have the option of voting per people's posts. So might makes right online.

The communication gap between women and men will only get larger, not smaller. This is one of the best articles I have read on eha. Please forgive me for hijacking this thread.

Perhaps I am doing an injustice here to the fine author/s who wrote that article. And to the patient women who put up with me.
 
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outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #6  May 13,2009, 2:42pm

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Meri it's a general statement based on truth. Example (women talking) "honey how do I look in this dress?"

Man thinking "Omg! That dress shows off her belly fat and makes her look like something the cat dragged in..." So he tells her the truth...and gets nailed for it.

Another example, online men tell the truth about their divorces or about double standards that still exist.

Women posters then call that man a woman hater?! Simply for telling the truth? I still get berated online for venting about my divorce and fighting Parental Alienation while women are allowed to freely discuss (and diss their exhusbands) their divorces, etc.

3rd example-online women talk about dating diseasters and jerky men. When men respond and talk about "jerky" women and/or dating diseasters, there is a high probability that some women will call them women haters. Or give them the online cold shoulder and/or gang up on that poster.

Maybe I'm wrong and overreacting. Generally speaking the article is a good foundation for improving speech.

I'm not trying to start an arguement with anyone. Just trying to point out hidden facts that somehow get swept under the rug.

In order to break down the largest barrier-communication gap between women and men, these double standards have to be explored.

Otherwise the whole conversation here avoids major speech communication differences and perspectives between the sexes.

Many times when men tell the truth, women verbally nail us. Men have learned many times it's better to be quiet than volunteer information.

One single word can become a landmine (women "omg, you did the same thing TEN years ago!!)

Kindly understand I don't mean to infer men are perfect. We are not. But let's be fair...we are different. As James Cagney said "we are men! Treat us as men."

Plus online being Politically Correct rules. We even have the option of voting per people's posts. So might makes right online.

The communication gap between women and men will only get larger, not smaller. This is one of the best articles I have read on eha. Please forgive me for hijacking this thread.

Perhaps I am doing an injustice here to the fine author/s who wrote that article.
 
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outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #7  May 13,2009, 2:46pm

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Meri I am being moderated and am not allowed to respond. When a woman asks "how do I look in this dress?" the man who tells the truth (yuck! your belly fat is showing) gets nailed.

Men have learned it's better to be quiet than volunteer information which might get them in trouble.

Peace.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #8  May 13,2009, 3:41pm
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Hey Outlaw - I see your point and I don't think you were/are trying to pick an argument ... I've yet to see you write anything with that intent.

Example 1: Shock factor to be told that by someone she cares about. You know that split second breathlessness when you jump into very cold water ... feels exactly like that.

Examples 2 & 3: I may be somewhat dense here, but aren't these responses honest? I mean, I don't agree with calling people names at any time, but if 'woman hater' is her honest opinion - how is that different from when any man expresses his honest opinion?

Hmm ... maybe an issue with male/female communication is to know which topics to leave alone?

 
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outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #9  May 13,2009, 5:25pm

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meri75 wrote :
Hey Outlaw - I see your point and I don't think you were/are trying to pick an argument ... I've yet to see you write anything with that intent.

Example 1: Shock factor to be told that by someone she cares about. You know that split second breathlessness when you jump into very cold water ... feels exactly like that.

Examples 2 & 3: I may be somewhat dense here, but aren't these responses honest? I mean, I don't agree with calling people names at any time, but if 'woman hater' is her honest opinion - how is that different from when any man expresses his honest opinion?

Hmm ... maybe an issue with male/female communication is to know which topics to leave alone?
Hi Merri, thanks for responding and being so nice. Oh we can have colored fonts. Well I've learned to say
" hey baby you look great in that dress." I figured she bought it and it's in her house, I might as well make her feel good about it. That was a good example about the cold water.

Once while in New Hampshire I made a bet with a girlfriend. It was September and we could stay one more day or go home. A cold wind had descended from Mt. Washington. We were at Dolly Copp Campground.

I told her I'd swim in the stream back and forth a little ways. She said if I made it we could stay another day. I jumped in and immediately my chest froze up! Anyhoo I swam like a bunch of angry bees were coming after me. When I got out of the water my lips turned blue. Or were blue already...

We walked to the picnic table and campfire. She couldn't believe I had done it. Laughing she said we were going home. And I had to admit, though I wanted to stay, she was right about the enormous change in weather. So we left.

Ok well when men are honest but are labeled woman haters, that ends any further communication in that area. Maybe you are right about that that is an issue that needs to be left alone.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #10  May 13,2009, 7:31pm
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I have noticed that too at times on these boards. The women easily outnumber the women here, and I'm pretty sure that the moderators are women, so us men really have to pick our battles. It is what it is.

I think this article pertains more to dating than to blogging. And in relationships, there definitely has to be a mutual respect for each other, and of each other's opinions, in order to communicate well. Additionally, it's important that each partner "knows" the other partner, what their strengths and weaknesses are in communication, and always work towards resolution, not "winning."
 
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