lucky_lisa34 is offline lucky_lisa34 Post #1  May 12,2009, 4:17am
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Hi


i have been dating my boyfriend 2 years now and it has been great, only one snag (his x wife) she is a total nut case. They are currently in a custody battle, I am ready to take the next step but he is worried about her reaction. do i stay in or get out now?
 
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bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #2  May 12,2009, 10:55am
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As much as you'd like not to have to deal with it...the exwife is part of the package. Custody battles can be tough and sometimes one or both doesn't play fair.


You need to ask yourself how important to you he is and is this rough patchworth it? If you answer that with anything less than "yes"...it's time to move on. Fact is though everyone is going to have some kind of baggage whether themselves or those they are attached to.


The only time I would fully stand behind moving on is if the exwife is a physical danger to you. Those times of situations aren't worth dating anyone.


Two years is a lot of investment to know if someone is right for youso think about the relationship as a whole in making your decision.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #3  May 12,2009, 11:26am
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Hopefully you are not living with your boyfriend right now. If you are and his ex is the vindictive type then you just caught up in something that will turn super ugly. If you are not living with your boyfriend then the worse she can do is possibly setting the terms of his visitation as such you could not be present when he picked up the children nor could you spent the night at his place while they were with him.


If you can handle the stress that comes with a custody battle then hang in there. Once the initial fight is over then things should settle down. One word of warning though, his ex may try to turn the children against you. There is little you can do to prevent this and even less to repair the damage once done. Good Luck
 
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dadist is offline dadist Post #4  May 14,2009, 2:31am
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lucky_lisa34 wrote :
Hi


i have been dating my boyfriend 2 years now and it has been great, only one snag (his x wife) she is a total nut case. They are currently in a custody battle, I am ready to take the next step but he is worried about her reaction. do i stay in or get out now?
Your boyfriend is lucky to have you. It is very difficult to have a crazy x and develop a new relationship. Sadly she will have an effect on his life until the kids are old enough to live on their own. I have a crazy x and every year we end up back in court. I always act like the bigger person and the courts have always stayed neutral leaning towards me even though I am a man. Are you going to be able to accept her fighting with him every step of the way? If so stay.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #5  May 14,2009, 9:05am

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It really has nothing to do with you, His wife wants everything that she can get for herself and her children. Stay in the background don't get involved until it's settled at least on paper.

The court will generally grant joint custody to both parents unless one parent can prove to the court that the other-one is an unfit parent. The next item is child support and it is generally 22 to 30% of the wage earners monthly income plus Health & Dental Care or insurance for same. (If they take more then that amount there is no reason for the hubby to stick around and pay the bills.) The last items is visiting times pick-up and drop off times, week ends or every other weekend, Summer & Winter vacations, holidays. Advanced education such as college or a business school.

The property jointly acquired during the marriage is split 50/50 so there is really nothing to fight about. (her car\ your car, etc.) You must remember that a lawyer has nothing to sell except his time and like a taxi driver the meter is always running.Once he makes a written offer through his attorney, his lawyer can complain to the judge that the wife and her attorney are trying to run the legal bill up for the hubby.

Thus you do not have to do anything except wait for the judges decision. I know that it sound terrible, but that's reality. There is one thing that I would do and that is to start couples counseling with your boyfriend so the both of you will be able to make the transition without
losing your minds and how to deal with the children and the ex-wife.

Harvey7
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #6  May 14,2009, 3:18pm
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My vote is to stay out of their mess. For one thing, the child may be conflicted about the entire situation, and it's easy to blame someone who he's not as emotionally attached to. Let your boyfriend and his ex duke it out. Be supportive, but try to stay neutral. Remember, there are always three sides to a story: his, hers, and the truth somewhere in between. The two of them created the child and the situation. Now, it's the two of them that will have to work it out, even if his ex is a nutcase.
 
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beentheremom is offline beentheremom Post #7  May 15,2009, 5:09am
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Remember, there is a very thin line between love and hate. Although the custody battle will be emotional for him because his kids are involved, be supportive. What you need to look for is his reaction to the ex-wife. It takes a good 3-5 years to totally get over a divorce, no matter who's fault it was or how they got there. Until he's totally "indifferent" towards his ex, he's not over the relationship. I don't mean he still loves her, he's just not over the relationship. Your relationship has no hope of being successful, until he's healed from the tragedy of the divorce and being apart from his kids. This is the "transition" phase. Many men want to jump into new relationships after a separation or divorce because they're used to that "relationship feeling", it's comfortable and better than being alone. Unfortunately, he still has unresolved issues about the ex and emotions are high because the kids are involved. His focus should be on the kids right now, so all you can do is be supportive of his feelings, but keep things "light" because he's going to change and adjust to being a divorced Dad. You don't want to find yourself being the "transition" relationship which typically comes right after a break up. Good luck!
 
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