Do You Continue to Date Someone Who Says He Doesn't Think s/he Will Marry Again?


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constantseeker is offline constantseeker Post #21  May 12,2009, 6:14am
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Thank you all for your responses. I'm not sure I want to get married to HIM, but I would like to get married some day again - to the right guy this time. Someone with his qualities, but with some life goals; he doesn't seem to have any. I have been known to say that I wouldn't get married again unless I met someone who agreed to maintain separate residences! I was saying that while I was still married, actually.


He repeated the conversation that he had withthis person to me, so I heard him say it directly. I really do enjoy his company, I just don't want to get in extremely deep, decide he is the one and then realize he meant what he said and isn't just saying it to protect himself.


Come to think of it, we did talk about marrying again oneday (not to each other of course, it was awhile back) and he said he would want to again, but wouldhave to be sure it was to the right person next time, which is my goal also. I was just wondering if any of you had ever saidit and meant it 100%, or heard it from someone elsewho didn't change their minds after many years together.


As an added note, he seems to be more committed tothis relationship thanI am, that's why I was surprised to hear him say that. Oh wait - maybe he just meanthe would never marry me.....haha!
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #22  May 12,2009, 7:26am

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Seems to me that you missed the entire conversation that the statement was taken out of context. I would not make an issue of it because it puts you in the hunter roll and maybe he said it in reference to a generalized question? But he did not say it directly to you about your relationship with him, so deal with it at the right time when you get the conversation in the content that it was intended and don't make a mountain out of a molehill.


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lada2 is offline lada2 Post #23  May 12,2009, 9:45am
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so someday,


to the right person,


either of you would marry again.


How long does it take to figure that out?? if either of you are the right person for the other?
 
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constantseeker is offline constantseeker Post #24  May 12,2009, 11:58am
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lada2,614260 wrote :

so someday,


to the right person,


either of you would marry again.


How long does it take to figure that out?? if either of you are the right person for the other?
Fair enough. I'm not sure, but longer than 8 months, definitely. I guess I'll just use my own judgement. Right now I really don't want a man around 24/7. I have a tendency to "take care of them" and I'm kinda liking being free!


Thanks everyone - once in awhile I get panicky about this relationship "thing" and throw dumb questions out there.I haven't actually gotten one rightyet......
 
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BlueEyedLizzie is offline BlueEyedLizzie Post #25  May 12,2009, 1:16pm
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Seems like everyone I know has said they won't get married again or they don't want kids....and they find the right person and they do. If you see something in him worthy of your time then stay. Just understand you're taking a risk (and I'm right there with ya, babe.)
 
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trailviews is offline trailviews Post #26  May 12,2009, 3:22pm
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constantseeker, wrote :

My boyfriend of almost 8 months just told someone this past weekend that he doesn't think he will ever do it again (talking about marriage).
I wouldn't use a third party source to guide such an important decision.


With respect to your more general question, as somebody who was with someone who said she was "never going to get married" for 3 years, only to see her suddenly want to marry the next guy she dated, ... no, I would not continue to date that person.
 
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Jacquiem is offline Jacquiem Post #27  May 12,2009, 6:09pm
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boccabum,613781 wrote :

singinggirl,613769 wrote :


I have to wonder if he says that because if's what he really believes/feels or if he feels like it's easier to say that than to act like he really wants to be married when he's afraid it may never happen. My sister's sister-in-law declared to any and all who would listen for years that she never wanted to have kids; that she didn't even like them very much....while she worked in her chosen field as a pediatric nurse. When she eventually got married and got pregnant, she was thrilled! I think sometimes we say things to protect ourselves. The only way to know this is to ask him and wait for an answer which may or may not be the one you want.


Why don't women believe men when they say they don't want to get married??


Then, after years of waiting, the women finally give up and delcare they've wasted their time on "that jerk who just used me for sex".
I agree with you there, boccabum. I don't know why we do it...
 
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love21xoyz is offline love21xoyz Post #28  July 2,2009, 2:27pm
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Well i myself will continue too date them only because,i would like too see if they want too change there minds if they dont chane there mind a couple days after he made that comment too me then im gonna look for a man who is ready too get married and settle down.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #29  July 2,2009, 2:42pm
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Here's something from an EHA article:
wrote :
“Yes, I’m interested in a serious relationship.”

Really Means - “I’m carefully assessing every woman I meet, and when I find one that feels just right. I’ll marry her.”

Men have a reputation for being commitment phobic, and this reputation is born out of what men say to women. The truth is a little harder to take. Many men will blame their disinterest in a particular woman on their commitment phobia, but they aren’t really scared of commitment. They have decided, based on what they’ve seen and heard, that this particular woman isn’t right for them. That’s not commitment phobia. That’s good, smart mate selection!
 
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soawesome is offline soawesome Post #30  July 2,2009, 3:24pm
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Wiseman2 wrote :
Here's something from an EHA article:
Ouch!
 
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