bredren155 is offline bredren155 Post #1  April 28,2009, 4:06pm
bredren155's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2008

Posts: 2

See profile



question, is this reasonable, or not:


i sometimes have "passenger anxiety" perhaps due to a prior accident. So when i'm in the car with someone i'm going out with (who knows about the past accident, and has seen this many times with me), if i'm feeling anxious, jumpy, holding on to something, etc. should they be pointing out that i'm particularly jumpy or just let it be (and maybe hope that after a few minutes i'll settle myself down)





similarly, should a date who invites you to a "work thing" party, where I really don't know anyone, point out after that I seemed aloof, etc, or just write it off to an off night, etc. Truth be told, I really don't care for these things anyway. Doesn't the other person know I"m only attending out of obligation to them, etc. ?





thanks for any responses.
 
  Reply With Quote
m8se69 is offline m8se69 Post #2  April 28,2009, 4:49pm
m8se69's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Sep 2008

Pittsburgh, PA

Posts: 7,020

See profile



"Passenger anxiety" is a good term. I like it. I have it myself. That's something that the other person is going to have to get over, or become the passenger. I typically always drive. That's just the way it is. Period.


As far as being aloof. That'sreally not a good thing. If you are doing something "out of obligation", then you should "oblige" them with a smile on your face. Put yourself in their shoes. Howwould you feel knowing that someone was doing something "for" you, and not letting you forget it? I would be pretty pi$$ed off, and would tell them next time to stay home, that they aren't welcome!!!


An off night is one thing. But to intentionally do something that you know you are going to have a bad attitude about is another. You are better off just not going.
 
  Reply With Quote
treatmesweetly is offline treatmesweetly Post #3  April 28,2009, 5:28pm
treatmesweetl…'s Avatar

Veteran

Joined: May 2008

Farmington Hills, MI

Posts: 1,052

See profile



If you experience "passenger anxiety", maybe you could meet your dates or offer to drive?


Meeting coworkers is difficult... Working environments can vary greatly. Your date should introduce you and try to include you in conversations, but he/she will probably "talk shop" with them, which leaves you out of the discussion. If you do not want to meet his/her coworkers, it's best that you opt out. He/she could get an earful over the next few days about you. Personally, I do not introduce dates to coworkers... Some coworkers get the feeling that they canask about my lovelife as part of normal cubical, meeting or lunchroom conversation (I've even hadcoworkers ask about mysexlife!).


My best suggestion is to communicate your feelings about driving and meeting coworkers to your date. Explain that you were in a serious/previous accident and abrupt stops, speeding, tailgating, etc. make you nervous. Explain that meeting coworkers will make you uncomfortable (and possibly leave a bad impression on his coworkers). If he's insistent that you attend the work function(s), then you need to be insistent that he introduce you and include you in conversations. Good luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  April 28,2009, 5:44pm
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,750

See profile



The "passenger anxiety" is something that you should explain prior to your date and either agree that you drive or if he does, at least your anxiety will be understanble. Putting yourself in his shoes, if he is a careful driver then your white knuckled body language can be interpreted as offensive because it shows an extreme lack of trust in his skill as a driver. So, if he is not aware of your problem it's not surprising that he would make a comment about it.


As for being aloof, I would take that comment to heart and really think about your behavior. Again, for most people to comment, it means that you behavior was borderline or downright offensive to them. If you are going to be that miserable or uncomfortable about going to this type of an event, then refuse to go. If you do agree to go, then you absolutely must put on a pleasant smiley demeanor and make believe happy to the point where it is truly believable and does not come across as fake.
 
  Reply With Quote
meri75 is offline meri75 Post #5  April 28,2009, 6:07pm
meri75's Avatar

really wants a double dissolution in 2011!

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2009

Australia

Posts: 5,112

See profile

bredren155, wrote :

question, is this reasonable, or not:


i sometimes have "passenger anxiety" perhaps due to a prior accident. So when i'm in the car with someone i'm going out with (who knows about the past accident, and has seen this many times with me), if i'm feeling anxious, jumpy, holding on to something, etc. should they be pointing out that i'm particularly jumpy or just let it be (and maybe hope that after a few minutes i'll settle myself down)





similarly, should a date who invites you to a "work thing" party, where I really don't know anyone, point out after that I seemed aloof, etc, or just write it off to an off night, etc. Truth be told, I really don't care for these things anyway. Doesn't the other person know I"m only attending out of obligation to them, etc. ?





thanks for any responses.
I was in a very nasty car accident as the driver and am very nervous with anyone else driving. It is better now and I found that it got better by me vocalising my concerns. I try to avoid cabbies as much as possible as they have no regard for my feelings whatsoever. Or the traffic laws it would seem!


Being seen as aloof has happened with me as well. I was either bored, ignored or nervous. People definitely saw me to be unfriendly and hostile ... not one of them picked I was nervous. If you are attending out of obligation and you allow yourself to be portrayed as aloof, perhaps you should re-consider why you are attending and whether you should be. I will attend functionsfrom support (because I love the person and proud to be there with my friend/partner), butI won't attend fromobligation. Smacks of sense of duty. Nobody likes being a duty.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Should I quit chasing? | Relationships | how do you know when to end one? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Absolutely not. I have no idea why allowing gays to marry would affect anyone's lives, unless they're sexually insecure about themselves.” –  sun73

Join the “Did our President give up the election for a single issue?” discussion

“I learned that the woman's communication style has to fit mine or else it won't work.” –  sun73

Join the “Why do 40 yr olds still play games?” discussion

“Here's where to email if you think a match might be a fraud: matchconcerns@eharmony.com . Tell them the match's name and location so they can find them. If what's making you suspicious is an email ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“I know you clarified you just want a general opinion on when people bring this subject up, but I'm going to give you both that and also what I believe you should do. The general idea most of the ... ” –  Herkemer

Join the “When is it time to discuss your position on having kids?” discussion

“And that's a very valid point. I get the feeling that eHarmony is keeping their price high to show they they are not cheap and therefore, their members are serious.It seems to me that combining the ... ” –  MicMan

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“How long have you all been on EH? Thanks for the advice. I signed on in late April 2012 but have been on other dating sites in the past.” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “New Here” discussion

“The only one that bothers me is the "they weren't his kids so meh ..." But there could be a whole world of story behind that. Like "she dumped me and it was painful and I hated losing the kids in ... ” –  Simplicity-2012

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 11:40am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0