serendipity16 is offline serendipity16 Post #1  April 27,2009, 8:45am
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Hey everyone, I have been reading posts for a while, but I finally need help with this. I meant a great guy on eH. We've been going out for a few months now. We are both really busy and live fairly far away from each other so we see each other on as many weekends as possible. We are exclusive, have spent whole weekends together and just really get along great. That’s the good part.
The bad part is that we don’t talk on weekdays much, if we do we talk for hours, but usually we don’t. He typically doesn’t email, call or text me. Mostly it’s me calling him. I know that he’s really busy, but is it unreasonable for me to expect him to be the one that contacts me first? He’ll say he misses me and I do know he’s stressed at work, but when is my waiting too much? Should I just stop contacting him to see when he contacts me?
 
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FirewomanLynne is offline FirewomanLynne Post #2  April 27,2009, 12:16pm
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Being busy is one thing. However, it takes only seconds to write an email or text, just saying 'hello' or 'how are you'. Why don't you speak durring the week? Are you both at home at the same hours? When you call him, does he not call you back? If that is the case, I would leave him be for a while and see what happens. Meaning I would let him make the next contact.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #3  April 27,2009, 2:10pm
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It is great that women initiate communication with men, but it's not cool to require the woman to do it all of the time. He needs to exercise some thoughtfulness and shoot you texts and e-mails every once in a while.


I would wait for him to contact you. If he says something like "hadn't heard from you in a while," it would be appropriate (assuming that you two have known each other long enough) to let him know, either in subtle or not so subtle terms, that you expect him to make a call or send you an e-mail every once in a while. Once that has been established, how he carries himself from then on will ultimately tell you whether he is really interested in moving things forward.


I wish you the best of luck.
 
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dnnmllr is offline dnnmllr Post #4  April 27,2009, 3:03pm
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serendipity16, wrote :

Hey everyone, I have been reading posts for a while, but I finally need help with this. I meant a great guy on eH. We've been going out for a few months now. We are both really busy and live fairly far away from each other so we see each other on as many weekends as possible. We are exclusive, have spent whole weekends together and just really get along great. That’s the good part.
The bad part is that we don’t talk on weekdays much, if we do we talk for hours, but usually we don’t. He typically doesn’t email, call or text me. Mostly it’s me calling him. I know that he’s really busy, but is it unreasonable for me to expect him to be the one that contacts me first? He’ll say he misses me and I do know he’s stressed at work, but when is my waiting too much? Should I just stop contacting him to see when he contacts me?
The OP asks: ".....Should I just stop contacting him to see when he contacts me?....." and I answer, for now, yes.


I wish you well.
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #5  April 27,2009, 3:42pm
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If you just stop contacting him to see when he contacts you, isn't that like playing a game? Or waiting for him to read your mind?


You're going out with him for a few months and are exclusive. Isn't this a topic of conversation that you could actually bring upto him, letting him know directly, (non-confrontationally) that you'd like and expect your communications to be initiated more evenly between the two of you?


Just stopping contact in the hopes that he will react in an expected way, seems like unfairly setting him up. If he doesn't 'react' as you hope - what then?Seemslike itcouldcompound the issue from your perspective. You'd beup the same creek, minus the paddles.
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #6  April 27,2009, 4:23pm
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Have you talked with him about this issue? Seems to me like that would be the best place to start. It doesn't have to be a confrontational conversation, but just something along the lines of "I really like it when I get a call/text/email/whatever from you." You would hope that he would get the clue from something like that.





I think lucky173 makes some pretty good points. Not contacting him is a bit of a game and that isn't a healthy thing in relationships.
 
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sc4me is offline sc4me Post #7  April 27,2009, 5:49pm
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lucky173,596109 wrote :

If you just stop contacting him to see when he contacts you, isn't that like playing a game? Or waiting for him to read your mind?


You're going out with him for a few months and are exclusive. Isn't this a topic of conversation that you could actually bring upto him, letting him know directly, (non-confrontationally) that you'd like and expect your communications to be initiated more evenly between the two of you?


Just stopping contact in the hopes that he will react in an expected way, seems like unfairly setting him up. If he doesn't 'react' as you hope - what then?Seemslike itcouldcompound the issue from your perspective. You'd beup the same creek, minus the paddles.
THIS !!
 
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mlinda12 is offline mlinda12 Post #8  April 27,2009, 6:31pm
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Hi Serendipidy16....


I'd let him know you'd like to here from him during the week - but here's the change - keep it short and let him know you'll do so by actually doing it. As a busy person with a full career....I love the occasional short touch with my significant other, but had to mold it that way - otherwise it became an hours long conversation (which I couldn't do during the week), and when I knew I coudn't swing it, would just not make or answer the call.


Be open to a short call during the week - and stick to it - really a brief 15 minutes of fun talk will really go a long way to getting you to the weekend you enjoy with him. Show him you can do a fast 15 and be good - and you'll get what you want - that's my thought.


Good Luck - Linda.
 
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serendipity16 is offline serendipity16 Post #9  April 27,2009, 6:35pm
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I have mentioned it to him that I expect him to call more, which was met by denial (for the most part). I'm not a game player by any means and I really do want to just call him up/send a quick email/text, which I do often(maybe twice a week during the week).


As far as the hours go, they aren't opposite, but I think somewhat erratic. Right now we both have jobs constituting of project work with strict deadlines (which means we are cramming in at least 18 hour days for at least a few days before a deadline) and our deadlines don’t often coincide. The only difference is I like to send him a quick message/surf in the 5 minute breaks I take while he likes to go grab a coffee with his colleagues (he's a bit of a caffeine addict). We both have projects that are due soon right now, maybe I’ll plan something for us after we are done our projects and not read too much into this.
 
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choiceweb0pen0 is offline choiceweb0pen0 Post #10  April 27,2009, 6:50pm
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I've been the chaser lately with someone I met on EH and went on a few dates with, but she never picks up the phone and the last date took two separate phone calls to pull off, plus a last minute rescheduling. She seems like a fairly busy person, but so am I, so I've decided not to do that again. I called her once a week the last two weeks. I'm going to let her decide or not decide what to do next.
 
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