Is he lying or just confused about the truth?


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sandysail is offline sandysail Post #1  April 26,2009, 7:25pm
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I've been in a relationship for about5 months.He was upfront about a "long distance" girlfriend in another country who he hasn't seen in many years but takes daily telephone calls from her. He was also upfront about his ex-wives, one with whom he maintains a friendship. Recently, I found that he was on dating sites, actually e-mailing, giving out his phone number, etc. and I suspect even had a few dates while I was out of town on business. He seems to say and do the right things when I am around which just sends conflicting messages. Am I being played? Big time? Very confused and hurt right now.
 
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nogamespls40 is offline nogamespls40 Post #2  April 27,2009, 1:02pm
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sandysail, wrote :

I've been in a relationship for about5 months.He was upfront about a "long distance" girlfriend in another country who he hasn't seen in many years but takes daily telephone calls from her. He was also upfront about his ex-wives, one with whom he maintains a friendship. Recently, I found that he was on dating sites, actually e-mailing, giving out his phone number, etc. and I suspect even had a few dates while I was out of town on business. He seems to say and do the right things when I am around which just sends conflicting messages. Am I being played? Big time? Very confused and hurt right now.
My question is: If it has only been 5 months, you don't even really know this man yet and all of this is going on why do you even want to be with someone like this? I would drop him like a hot potato and would open myself up to the possibilities of being with someone that truly respects, deserves and appreciates you. Your not a dorm mat and later for being hurt, in fact you should thank him for showing you his true colors, because he has spared you from more hurt and pain. In addition, now he can be someone's elses problem and you can enjoy your life to the fullest.
 
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boccabum is offline boccabum Post #3  April 27,2009, 1:20pm
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sandysail, wrote :

I've been in a relationship for about5 months.He was upfront about a "long distance" girlfriend in another country who he hasn't seen in many years but takes daily telephone calls from her. He was also upfront about his ex-wives, one with whom he maintains a friendship. Recently, I found that he was on dating sites, actually e-mailing, giving out his phone number, etc. and I suspect even had a few dates while I was out of town on business. He seems to say and do the right things when I am around which just sends conflicting messages. Am I being played? Big time? Very confused and hurt right now.
You say you're in a relationshipwith this guy. What does that mean to you? For sure you two aren't exclusive since he still has a girlfriend in another country.


I don't know what you mean by him lying. Has he lied to you? Has he promised you things and then never followed through?


He seems to say and do the right things. That means he makes you feel good and is good at what he does.


My point is that it seems like you two are "dating". Meaning "going out on dates" but aren't in a specific relationship. Yet because of his great ability to make you feel comfortable and at ease, you have turned this into an exclusvie relationship. Which it's clearly not.


You should have a talk with him. Ask him what he wants from you and vise versa. Then go from there. You need to know where you stand. If you want an exclusive relationship with this guy, then tell him. If he can't give you one, then date other guys.
 
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DDjr is offline DDjr Post #4  April 27,2009, 1:21pm
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sandysail, wrote :

I've been in a relationship for about 5 months. He was upfront about a "long distance" girlfriend in another country who he hasn't seen in many years but takes daily telephone calls from her. He was also upfront about his ex-wives, one with whom he maintains a friendship. Recently, I found that he was on dating sites, actually e-mailing, giving out his phone number, etc. and I suspect even had a few dates while I was out of town on business. He seems to say and do the right things when I am around which just sends conflicting messages. Am I being played? Big time? Very confused and hurt right now.
Really sounds like you're just one of a number of balls he has up in the air.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #5  April 27,2009, 3:01pm
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sandysail, wrote :

I've been in a relationship for about5 months.He was upfront about a "long distance" girlfriend in another country who he hasn't seen in many years but takes daily telephone calls from her. He was also upfront about his ex-wives, one with whom he maintains a friendship. Recently, I found that he was on dating sites, actually e-mailing, giving out his phone number, etc. and I suspect even had a few dates while I was out of town on business. He seems to say and do the right things when I am around which just sends conflicting messages. Am I being played? Big time? Very confused and hurt right now.
If you agreed to enter into a "relationship" with someone who has daily contact with a girlfriend, how is he lying to you?


If he isn't exclusive with you, how is being on a dating site and searching playing you?


You haven't really given enough information to answer your question. If he agreed to an exclusive relationship and you agreed to his terms (keeping in touch with an old girlfirend and an ex-wife) then yes, communicating with women on a dating site is wrong. However, if you haven't had an explicit talk about what status the relationship is, you can pretty much conclude that this is just the way this particular man is, and it isn't likely to change for you if it hasn't already.


I personally wouldn't get involved with someone who was that invovled with exes. It speaks of a great need for validation from numerous women and that isn't something that's likely to change just because he finds one conviently local that he likes. It's one thing to be civil and friendly to an ex because you're co-parenting or have other shared obligations. It's entirely another to be "friends" which is not something I'd be comfortable with, but that's just me.


Talk with him. State your concerns and your needs without being demanding or defensive. If the two of you can't or won't agree on what the thing is, it seems best to let it go.
 
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