Is unconditional love a choice?

I didn’t ‘negate all of your life’s experiences’ bandmate. Nor do I state OR imply that you know nothing of your own life. And the bit about being on drugs and imagining it all? A bit dramatic.
I simply stated that it would be my guess that many women might disagree with the highlighted comment from your post - a comment that you state as if it were some kind of fact. And then went on to give my opinion on why I personally disagreed with the comment. Lighten up, it’s a differing of opinion thats all.
If a guy had responded similarly to the same comment of yours, what generalization would you have made in regards to the male gender I’m curious to know?

Dear Bandmate,


''Precisely whyi amam glad i have no children..i never saw the point in falling in love with a woman and then creating someone she would love in a way she would never love me...pretty pointless.''


Wow, I think that is soSAD!


It is true, she WOULD love the child you both created in a waythatis differentfrom loving you. But so would you! You also would love this child in a different way, than the way you love her. It goes both ways!


''Well sure,being a woman you negate all of my life's experiences..i'm justa man and know nothing about my own life...too funny.I have seen women first hand who had different standards for how their sons wives and girfriends treated them from the way they treated their husband or boyfriend...but i know,i know...i must have been on drugs and just imagined it all.''


It seems that you have had some bad experiences with women. It would be a shame to live your whole life not knowing what true love is and feels like, maybe one day have children. Have you thought to maybe getting some kind of counceling? It sounds like you are angry at all women in general, because you have been mistreated. Not all women are the same. Life is too short to go around being angry with anyone, let alone the whole opposite sex.

Sad ? maybe so,but so is the state of affairs in today's world in regard to marriage and family,perhaps you can explain to me why when a man comments on the negative behaviour of women he has known other women think he needs help...or "counceling"...does a man have to be irrational or crazy to just see women as human beings capable of anything any other human being is capable of ? The days of sugar and spice and everything nice are over and have been for a long time.The women i work with have pictures of their kids and their dogs on their desk,most act as if they don't give a rip about their husbands except that they pay half the bills.

You know what, had you been a women, and had said that about men, I would have said the exact same thing. That I thought you were 'angry' at men in general, from no doubt being mistreated. And that Counceling could be an option because your postsseem to be'angry', asdo your statements. Especially from saying


''Well sure,being a woman you negate all of my life's experiences..i'm justa man and know nothing about my own life...too funny.I have seen women first hand who had different standards for how their sons wives and girfriends treated them from the way they treated their husband or boyfriend...but i know,i know...i must have been on drugs and just imagined it all.''


So, I would have written the same thing no matter what sex you were. I baised my comment on the words you wrote, not as a gender statement. Both women and men are capable of anything I'm affraid. Ido agree with youSOMEWHAT about saying 'the days of sugar and spice and everything nice have been over for a long time'. People unfortunately do not view Marriage and Commitment and most importantly LOVE and RESPECT as they used to. That is why Ihave yetto marryand have children, even though I will be 37 soon. I am as OLD FASHION as they get. Believing that you DO NOT get married unless you are 1000000% SURE!And when you do, it's for life, just like my parents who have ben married for 54 years (and are still in love!).


But I am courious to what you think,what to you think about what I wrote below? Do you agreethat, youtoo, would love the child differently than you would love the mother of your child?


''It is true, she WOULD love the child you both created in a waythatis differentfrom loving you. But so would you! You also would love this child in a different way, than the way you love her. It goes both ways!''

Since the moderator seems to think we are "arguing" i guess i will have to watch myself.I think the husband/wife relationship is and should be the strongest and closest of all,it is or should bethe foundation upon which the children rest and take refuge.I as a man can say that if i had a wife and children my children would first and foremost repsect their mother and i would hope that she would expect the same,that they would respect their father,i would teach my son how to treat a woman by the way i treated his mother,and i would hope that my wife would teach our daughter how to treat a man by the way she treated me...and as far as love goes,my wife would be #1...i knew her long before them and will know her long after they have left and moved on with their lives.

I guess that makes both of us! I guess I'll have to watch myself too then!


About what you just said, about Husband and Wife, we are both on the same page for that, that's for sure! What you just wrote, is exactly why I have never married. I had yet to find a man that viewed it EXACTLY the way I did!

I'm glad we agree,that's a rare thing for me around here,i was married once 20 years ago to a woman who did not see it that way either,she was looking for a sperm donor and i was looking for a wife.I have had opportunities to marry over the years but didn't because i could not find anyone who felt the way i did about family and marriage.I am an orphan and never knew either one of my parents and i always said that no child of mine would be without their mother or father if i had anything to do with it...no new mommies or daddies or substitutes for my children,as a result i never had any,but looking around me i have no regrets.

I have this theory and thought I would see what everyone thinks. I believe that there are stages in love. That you initially fall for someone for physical attraction, then if you communicate and are on the the same outlook in life, you fall deeper in love. But then I believe we all go through a phase where we realize "Mr. Perfect" isn't perfect and that we have to make a choice ... and that is when we choose to accept the flaws and move to unconditional love.


I'm wondering about this, because I think this is the breaking point in many relationships. I think often one person has moved to that "unconditional love" phase, and the other never gets there.


What does everyone think? Am I being overly analytical and this should just be about the heart?