After physical violence, is ending the relationship the only way out?

In answer to your general question about the perpetrator:


In general someone who commits domestic violence grew up in an environment of violence. They were physically abused or at a minimum saw their parents commiting violence against each other. (In one direction or the other or both)


For someone like this the chance of recovery is small. It takes years and years of intensive thepary and dedication by the person.


(Not "blaming") Usually the spouse of the abuser is also an abuse victim and grew up with this kind of violence. That's why the spouses keep going back and back and back. They are wired to believe that the abusive relationship is NORMAL.


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In your particular situation, it sounds like you have anger issues (for whatever reason) and lost your temper once.


The first thing I would do is really reevaluate your feelings about your current relationship. Why were you so on edge that you could be so set off? (It could be a bad week at work, but what you need to ask yourself is: Was my anger really a sign of deep disquiet with this relationship?)


Second, you need to get into anger management immediately. You need to explore why you didn't effectively deal with you anger so that you can prevent it from happening again. You need to do this regardless of whether this relationship continues.

In the case of a domestic violence, our hearts always go out for the victim (typically a woman), and believe that she should leave the perpetrator ASAP. Have we ever tried to put ourselves in the perpetrador's shoes to think about the mixed feelings that he might possibly go through - the guilt, shame, sadness, and heartbreak. We extend help for the victim, little do we believe that the perpetrator also needs desperate help.