Do our romantic pasts determine our romantic PATHS?


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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  April 22,2009, 11:13am
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I read this article on the eHarmony Labs blog:
Why Do People With Similar Marital History Get Together?
http://www.eharmony.com/labs/blog/20...-get-together/


and am wondering, if the same has been true for you in your past relationships…have you been drawn toward people with a similar history to you in that regard? If so, why do YOU think that is?


Looking forward to hearing your thoughts!


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-Lori
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #2  April 22,2009, 11:46am
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I can see choosing someone with a similar marital history...there are probably more shared life experiences that go along with it. I have dated all over the board...divorced, multiple divorced, widowed, never married. I'm more wary of never-married men my age, but I wouldn't rule them out. I try to look at each person as an individual, and at their individual circumstances.


As for the way your question is worded...does our (romantic) past determine our path...all I can say is: Gad, I hope not. That'd be a little bit scary.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #3  April 22,2009, 11:58am
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With just regards to this article...


I think it has to do with the age group I am in ...Being 40...the probability of finding someone who has never been married, is going to be pretty low..


Finding someone who is divorced once, is the highest number...The older my age range of the men I select...then I would maybe run in to someone being divorced twice....as well as men who are maybe 50 and over (I personally don't go more than 10yrs) then you are going to run into possibly being a widower...


Switch that from a man to a woman over 50..the chances are much higer being a widow (since women tend to go for men older than them)....


I also do not have any children...so am not in situations where I am meeting men at school functions, daycare, parks, orevents/activities that 'families' would do...


That's where EH is fantastic for me,besides my job and my church/mission work, and regularactivities


So, for me,I'm not sure if it has anything to do with 'being drawn to" as it is with statistics and prbability in that regard...
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  April 22,2009, 1:44pm
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I’ll admit to heavily favoring partners with similar background, which in my case is never married, no children. Hard to beat that combination for matching my lifestyle and goals, and ensuring a comfortable situation I know how to handle.
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #5  April 22,2009, 2:51pm
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I'm going to be *almost* a total copy cat of D_Lion and say:


I’ll admit to heavily favoring partners with similar background, which in my case is married, children or no children is ok too, as long as he is receptive to theidea that I have a few children of my own, and am surrounded by many! Hard to beat that combination for matching my lifestyle and goals, and ensuring a comfortable situation I know how to handle.


Thanks froggy, you made that one easy for me
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  April 22,2009, 4:27pm
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lucky173,589542 wrote :

I'm going to be *almost* a total copy cat of D_Lion
Bet you never saw that coming!
 
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lastofthebabyboomrs is offline lastofthebabyboomrs Post #7  April 23,2009, 1:02am
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Yourfuture does not equalyourpast unless you allow it to or are blind and ignorant to the fact. Learning from past mistakes is a large part of growing as an individual. As easy as it is to learn what we DON'T want from past mistakes, we MUST have a knowledge of what we DO want in our futures. If you allow past mistakes to cloud your desires for future goals you will continue to hinder yourself in achieving your desired end.


Relationships/marriages are no different, learn from your past mistakes yet have a firm grasp on what you want in a future partner/mate and strive to find somone with themorals, values,and other personality traits you are looking for....regardless of marital history.
 
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dolphin239 is offline dolphin239 Post #8  April 23,2009, 12:08pm
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I think our romantic pasts have Everything to do with our romantic paths future. The article wasn't very in-depth however, and only focused on whether you are divorced and if new marriage partner was divorced. I think you tend to gravitate toward those similar. However sometimes you can chose to go totally the opposite, if there was some trait you despised in your spouse. For instance my current S/O was married and divorced twice and I was also married and divorced twice prior. And we both have kids. I certainly did not Consciously chose him for this reason, yet it is there. I Do remember feeling attracted to him because I felt he was a good father to his kids. (And he actually turned out to be a very good father to my kids I think).


My previous spouse was a Total tightwad with his wallet , and money and employment was a Huge factor of disagreements in our marriage. My current spouse is the Total opposite! As for the money thing, I now wish there were a happy medium. I neither desire one extreme or the other. But somehow went to the other extreme. Anyhow this is just One example out of many of how past affects future. I find it a fascinating subject always up for study. And always discovering new things about myself, others, and my choices.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #9  April 23,2009, 1:00pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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lucky173,589542 wrote :

I'm going to be *almost* a total copy cat of D_Lion and say:


I’ll admit to heavily favoring partners with similar background, which in my case is married, children or no children is ok too, as long as he is receptive to theidea that I have a few children of my own, and am surrounded by many! Hard to beat that combination for matching my lifestyle and goals, and ensuring a comfortable situation I know how to handle.


Thanks froggy, you made that one easy for me
As in....currently?
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #10  April 23,2009, 4:34pm
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jayjay,590711 wrote :

lucky173,589542 wrote :


I'm going to be *almost* a total copy cat of D_Lion and say:


I’ll admit to heavily favoring partners with similar background, which in my case is married, children or no children is ok too, as long as he is receptive to theidea that I have a few children of my own, and am surrounded by many! Hard to beat that combination for matching my lifestyle and goals, and ensuring a comfortable situation I know how to handle.


Thanks froggy, you made that one easy for me


As in....currently?
currently married - no! I am soooo not that girl


darn word omission - *previously married* (good catch though jayjay! lol)





And D_Lion - pshhh... of course I saw it coming (rolls eyes)


 
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